


Can We Start Again?

by RedCoral



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Case Fic, Death of OMC/OFC, Drama, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kidnapping, M/M, Necessary OMC, Reconciliation, a couple f-bombs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 58,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedCoral/pseuds/RedCoral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan and Reid have been together for quite a while, but the team doesn't know. Garcia has made it her mission to find her Boy Wonder someone to be with. So, when they all go out, she sets her plan in motion. What happens when Reid witnesses Derek kissing someone else, a woman? What does that mean for the couple? Can Reid forgive and forget? Can Derek? Can they start again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, this is my Moreid story Can We Start Again. It's already posted on ffnet and I thought it'd be a good idea to post it here as well.
> 
> So...
> 
> I hope you like it!

Reid was always the one who woke up first out of the two of them and this time was no different. The alarm went off at 7 o’clock in the morning and Reid turned away from his lover towards the offending object that was blaring its tune unrelentingly and pushed the button that made it stop before the body next to him woke up in annoyance. He stretched his slim body, opening his eyes and closing them right away after taking in his bright surroundings. As much as he’d love to sleep in and cuddle with the man of his dreams, he needed to get up and take a shower before Derek woke up wanting to occupy the bathroom. He threw the covers away from his body, careful not to uncover Derek – not that the man would understand any difference since his body is naturally warm – and stood up and away from the bed’s warmth. He shivered as the cold caressed his skin, being in only his boxers, stretching his arms over his head. As he turned to move around the bed in order to go into the bathroom, he stopped for a minute, staring at the form that was currently spread like an eagle on the bed with Reid’s pillow under his arm, as Reid occupied the space no more.

Spencer has an eidetic memory, so he could describe how Derek’s body looked down to a T at any time. He could close his eyes and account every single time he had seen Derek Morgan, what he wore, what he said, how he stood ever since the moment he met him. But as he looked at him now, he didn’t want to delve into the past. He wanted to stick to the present; he craved for his future with Derek. He was, for the first time, absolutely happy in his life.

The two of them had started getting closer after the Hankel case, the one where Reid had gotten kidnapped and tortured for two days straight. Morgan had insisted tailing him to make sure he was alright, to make sure that in case he wasn’t, he had someone to talk to. But like the rest of the team members, Spencer Reid is a great profiler. That meant he knew what kind of front he needed to put up for the others, including Derek. He knew how he had to act around them to not raise suspicion. Surely, they could all see he was troubled. They could all probably guess he was haunted by nightmares of being bound and helpless during the night. However, none of them knew the depth of his emotional turmoil. None of them knew the extent of the damages done to his psyche. After a while though, he had taken enough hits for him to finally break. His drug addiction was on the verge of taking control over him and no one had any idea about it. He tried pushing them all away, but Morgan stayed no matter what. He had had his suspicions, but never pushed him to get help, never pushed him to get better. He had let him fight this demon on his own, believing in his strength to do so, while showing him he was not alone. He showed him time and time again that he was not going to abandon him like every other beloved had done.

After that, the two friends only got closer and closer. Reid kept on attracting psychos and Morgan kept on being overprotective, many times driving Reid insane with his pampering. Morgan was there every time Reid decided to put himself in the line of danger to either save his team or a lost person who simply needed guidance. They spent their weekends together arranging movie nights, or other activities they both enjoyed. At first, it didn’t seem like they had much in common, but as they got closer to each other, the statement was eventually proven wrong. Later on, while working a case, Reid contracted anthrax; a lethal disease that could only be cured by a vaccine they didn’t have. At that moment, Reid knew the probability of dying was pretty high. However, his first thought was not “I don’t want to die”. It was “I can’t let Derek in. I won’t let him die, I can’t live without him”, which led him to lock the door right to his best friend’s face. Though soon enough, he realized Derek Morgan was not simply his best friend, he was something more, something Reid thought was untouchable. He stood on the wrong side of the glass door and watched as his best friend’s face turned from worry, to concern, to helplessness and sadness and settling into terror and all he could think about was how he wanted to tell him how much he meant to him, how much he loved him, how he wished this was only a prank and he could unlock the door and wrap his arms around the agent’s body. But he couldn’t let him in. He couldn’t bear to see him hurt, so he didn’t.

They survived the ordeal and at first Derek was mad at him, but then he couldn’t leave Spencer’s side. They were attached to the hip, as Garcia would say, both of them harboring feelings they were scared to admit. Then Reid got shot in the neck while the agents were trying to arrest an UnSub. It was so sudden, if it wasn’t for the unreal amount of pain he had felt, he would have thought it was all a dream. He remembered not being able to think anything else other than Derek, fighting to stay conscious to make sure he was alright, to see him at least one last time before his eyes. He remembered blacking out and waking up in the ambulance with Derek by his side holding his hand. He remembered thinking “he’s okay. I can go.” He remembered Derek begging him to stay awake, to stay with him. He remembered being unable to. The first word he heard coming from Derek’s mouth when he woke up in the hospital was a simple “Spencer” pronounced in a relieved tone. He remembered the light in his eyes as the agent realized the genius had not been defeated once again. Reid’s thoughts had been occupied by a certain agent after that. He had been through so much in all his years in BAU. He had been through so many near-death experiences, which made him realize he could die any day now. All it would take was one little mistake and his existence could be terminated in a millisecond. But he couldn’t bear the thought of dying without Derek knowing his true feelings that filled his heart with warmth every time he even glanced at him. So, after he was released from the hospital, the first place he visited was Derek’s house.

He remembered the look of surprise as Morgan answered the door and how his face lit up when he realized Reid was the one standing before him. He remembered the awkwardness that ensued as Reid tried to find the words, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, wanting more than anything to confess his feelings, but being afraid of rejection. Derek had to calm him down with that soothing voice of his, and reassure him that he could tell him anything, that no matter what came out of his mouth next, he wouldn’t run away; he was there to stay. He remembered the words coming out of his mouth as easily as the river’s waters follow the path to the sea. He remembered the stunned expression on the other agent’s face as he struggled for the words to sink in. He remembered considering running away, apologizing, promising he would never see him again, convinced that his love for Derek was not reciprocated. But then, Derek shocked him as he pressed his lips against his own in a passionate and emotional kiss. He remembered them coming up for air, resting their forehead on the other’s, Derek looking him in the eye as he almost whispered, “Thank God. I thought I was the only one”. Then Spencer said, “You’re not,” and kissed him again.

He shook his head to shake the memories off. They had been together for quite a while now, and recounting every memory with Derek could take him hours. So, he moved to the bathroom and turned on the water, waiting for it to get hot as he shed off his clothes and hopped in. Thirty minutes later, he was done with his moisturizing routine and dressed for the day and was currently preparing the coffee maker for the couple’s morning dose of caffeine. Not long after the coffee’s aroma had whiffed through the house, a pair of strong arms encircled Spencer’s slim waist, followed by a kiss on his neck.

“Morning,” Derek mumbled, nuzzling Spencer’s neck. He had woken up by the distinctive smell of coffee and the noticeable absence of a warm body against his own. He had opened his eyes and as soon as he had felt awake enough to stand up, he did and had made his way to find Spencer. He found him in the kitchen with his back to him, fumbling with the buttons on the coffee maker. As he reached him, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around him to bring him closer to his own body. He marveled in the fact that Spencer didn’t flinch at all. It was as if he expected the touch, or even better, that he actually welcomed it. It had taken so much to reach where they were, and after everything the younger man had gone through, it didn’t surprise Derek that Spencer needed some time till he got it through his thick skull that Derek wasn’t going anywhere, that he was there to stay, that he had no intention of letting him go. Even now sometimes, Spencer’s insecurities won and he tried to push him away, to give him an out. But Derek, instead, only pulled him closer, showering him with love through actions, not only words since they alone did not have the desired effect. He had loved Reid for so long; it was hard to believe Spencer could doubt that. But he knew it wasn’t about Derek, it was about Reid himself and his insecurities and the blows to his confidence that he received sometimes. So Derek was never too tired of showing his feelings, never too tired of loving Spencer. He was in fact pleasantly surprised that he still loved him as much as the very first time it dawned on him, if not more. The time when Reid had been tortured and he could do nothing but stand by and witness it until they made progress with locating the UnSub, when all he wished was that the UnSub had taken him and not Spencer, when he wished he could take all the pain away even if that meant bearing it himself. Spencer Reid was ‘it’ for Derek Morgan and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Spencer smiled softly as he felt Derek’s breath on his neck, taking comfort in the feeling of the other man’s weight against him.

“Ready for work, I see,” Derek observed, feeling the clothed back touching his chest. He marveled in the fact that they seemed to fit so well. It was like Spencer’s body was molded in such way as to fit perfectly in his arms.

“Yes, I am. You should get ready too, or we’re going to be late,” Reid said, turning around in his lover’s arms, wrapping his own around his neck to steady himself.

“Is that so?” Morgan said with a smirk on his face, leaning in so that their lips were only a breath away. He saw Spencer’s eyes move from his mouth to his eyes several times, obviously trying to decide if they had some time to fool around before anything else. He could see the temptation in his eyes, so Derek licked his lips, knowing the movement wouldn’t go unnoticed, wanting to make the choice easier for the other man. He felt more than saw Spencer’s breath hitch and knew Reid had made the right choice. He closed his eyes and braced himself for what was coming, leaning just a tad bit closer to meet him halfway. But the kiss he expected never came. The warm breath that was exhaled against his lips was now gone. He opened his eyes confused, only to find a mischievously smirking Spencer leaning away from him with an evil but oh-so-sexy glint in his eyes, looking amused at him. “Did you just trick me?”

“What?” Spencer asked in that innocent voice that he knew drove Derek crazy accompanied with the look of innocence he knew turned him on more than anything. He looked down at his watch and faked surprise, saying “I got to go.” He untangled himself from the strong arms and went to the couch where his satchel was. He grabbed it, taking his keys, phone and wallet from the coffee table, rambling all the while, “feel free to take a shower. The towels are in the closet, your go bag is by the bed. Remember we’re going out for drinks after work tonight! Oh, and don’t forget to lock the door on your way out. See you at the office,” he walked to where Derek was staring at him shocked at the energy that had suddenly emerged through him and at his frantic movements, but Reid didn’t stop to explain. Instead he kissed him on the cheek, muttering “bye” before he rushed out the door. Before though it was completely shut, Reid went back in, “one last thing.”

Morgan looked at him confused as Spencer walked back inside and to him. He felt him getting so close to him, almost every surface of their bodies were touching one another, but Reid didn’t make any move to kiss him. Instead, he leaned into his ear and breathed, “The pleasure isn’t in doing the thing, the pleasure is in planning it.” And just like that, he was gone. Morgan stood there confused about the whole planning thing Reid said just now. Surely, he wasn’t planning anything for tonight, right? They were going for drinks with the team tonight. Garcia had been pestering them all how she needed some fun time with her babies, and since they had no case today, just some paperwork, they had all agreed to go out. No exceptions. But the team didn’t know about Derek and Spencer’s relationship. As far as they knew they were the best of friends who after some hardships had gotten even closer than before. So, even if Reid had something planned for tonight, he couldn’t act on with the rest of the team present. He shook his head, an amused smile playing on his lips as he found his way around Reid’s apartment. He had been here enough times to know it by heart, and have a spare set of clothes in Reid’s closet just in case. He grabbed those and went to the bathroom, ready to face the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It had been a long day so far. On one hand, Reid longed for the day they had a case, just so he had something to do. He had finished his paperwork hours ago and was currently waiting for the clock to strike seven, so they could finally get out of there. On the other hand, he didn't want them to find a case. He didn't want to get on that plane and travel again. Sometimes moving from place to place got tiresome. It also meant he had to keep his hands to himself around Morgan, which was not as easy as it sounded. Most of all, he didn't want another family to get murdered or another child to get kidnapped. He didn't want the gruesome consequences and truths that came along with every case they got their hands on. Thankfully, Morgan's voice brought him out of his dark thoughts.

"Hey, Pretty Boy. Where you at?" Morgan was sitting on Reid's desk, waving a file in front of that handsome face that currently hosted a deep frown.

"Huh? What?" Reid looked up to find Morgan sitting on his desk, "De- Morgan. What are you doing here?"

"Saw you staring off, thought I'd bring you back to reality. We wouldn't want Hotch to think you were being lazy, would we?" Morgan smirked, amused at the young man's flustered state.

"No -uh- we wouldn't. Thanks." Reid said, avoiding Morgan's eyes. He knew what it did to him when he was staring at him so intensely, especially when he caught him doing something he shouldn't, like dozing off at work. He knew the reaction those brown piercing eyes got from him every time they locked with his own and right now Morgan was playing all the right buttons at the wrong moment. He tugged at his clothes self-consciously, and noticing Morgan hadn't moved yet, he looked up at him, "Is there something else?"

At that moment, as Derek opened his mouth to response, the bubbly blond technician trotted in, "Hello, my lovelies! Are you ready for the night of your lives?" She smiled at all of them.

Morgan smiled at her back, replying, "You know it, mamma!"

"Aren't we just going out for drinks?" Spencer asked confused. They had done that plenty of times before. He didn't understand what made it so special this time that would be categorized as the time of their lives.

"You are," Alex said.

"What? You're not coming? But we said no exceptions!" Garcia pouted. She had daydreamed so much about this night, where she got to spend some much needed free time with her friends and she counted on the fact that everyone was going to be there.

"I'm sorry, Garcia. I can't." Alex said apologetically, walking towards the blond woman, grabbing her hand comfortingly, "James is in town for tonight and we've made plans."

"Ugh! Fine! You know I can't refuse you your taste of happiness. But next time I'm not taking no for an answer!" She pointed a finger at her, warning her about the next time the team – mainly Garcia – decided to go out, the plan for which was already in motion in her mind.

"Fine by me," Alex smiled. The clock had now struck seven and they were officially free to go. So Alex put on her coat, grabbed her things from the desk and was ready to go home. "Goodnight, guys! Have fun!" She called out to them as she walked out of the bullpen.

A chorus of goodnights followed Alex's departure and then Garcia's attention was onto Reid. She didn't forget about his doubt when she said it was going to be the best night ever and she couldn't have that, could she? But first... "JJ, you're in, right?"

"Will's got Henry covered for the night, so I'm good. When I told him about tonight, he almost banned me from going home." She chuckled, remembering the conversation with her husband. "You know I wouldn't miss it for the world, Pen," she winked at her and then disappeared into her office to grab her things.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked confused. Obviously the two girls had some plans for the night and the men had apparently missed the memo, or at least he and Reid had. "What is JJ talking about?"

"Oh, you'll see, my sweet Adonis. We've got plans for our Boy Wonder here tonight," Penelope smirked, delighted with herself.

Reid had been staring off at nothing in particular, paying half a mind to the conversation happening around him, but when he heard Garcia's nickname for him in the same sentence with the word 'plans', his head snapped up, "What? What plans? Who said anything about plans?" he asked like a deer caught in the headlights, looking at the people around him.

Morgan just chuckled at him, while Garcia patted his cheek, at which of course Reid flinched away, saying, "Don't worry sweet cheeks. You're getting some action tonight."

"What? No! Who said I want t-to get any action? I'm perfectly fine with – on my own, thank you." He blushed realizing his slip up, thankfully, though covering it up efficiently. It's not like they expected him not to be single. So they obviously paid no mind to anything other than the general meaning of his sentence.

"Come on, Spence," JJ said, crossing her arms across her chest, looking at him sympathetically, "No one likes being on their own."

"I do!" Spencer squealed, like he always did when he lied or was really uncomfortable about a subject. His attention was moved to Derek who was still sitting on his desk looking amused and slightly tense at his torment, silently laughing to himself, probably thinking about what the night would entail for Reid. "Are you going to keep on staring?" Spencer asked, "Aren't you going to say anything?"

Morgan shrugged with a smirk on his face, "What do you want me to say?" It was as if he was daring Spencer to say no to Garcia, as if he was daring him to say he didn't need action, because he was already getting some from someone else.

Reid couldn't believe him. Derek kept on looking at him, daring him to say something with his eyes. No one knew about their secret relationship. As far as the team knew, Spencer Reid was the ever awkward single virgin and Derek Morgan the elite bachelor every woman was after. They didn't know about them being together and they had no reason to suspect as such. They had agreed to keep it a secret for now. Reid needed to know they were going to last before he involved the team in his personal love life. His relationship with Derek was just so fresh, he just needed to know where they stood, before the team got wind of it and caused unnecessary tension between them.

Garcia broke their staring contest by saying, "Do not fret, little Angel. We've got it covered. We would have planned something for our chocolate god here, but we know he'll have his game on, as usual."

"Unless…" JJ started, looking Derek up and down, the wheels obviously rolling in her head, "unless you'd like to show Spence how to flirt with women," she smirked playfully.

Spencer was the first one to respond with a loud "No!" that made Morgan raise his eyebrow at him and accept the challenge.

"Alright," Derek shrugged, "I can give out a few tips."

"Wonderful!" Garcia exclaimed, clapping her hands in excitement. "Let me get my stuff and we can leave!" With that, she disappeared in her tech cave.

"Where's Alex?" Hotch asked as he neared the others, followed by none other than David Rossi, having just seen Garcia leave.

"She left." Morgan said, "James is in town."

Hotch nodded, while Rossi asked, "Ready to go?"

"Oh, I was born ready, sir," Garcia reappeared out of nowhere ready to have some fun with her favorite profilers.

As the others left to catch the elevator, Morgan and Reid were the last to leave the bullpen. Morgan saw Reid get up, obviously frustrated, take some files to put in his satchel, probably some work for home, and he leaned in close to his ear, his lips so close, but yet so far. He felt the other man still as he almost whispered, "I can't wait for you to get some action tonight."

Reid sighed frustrated. Two could play that game, he thought. "Well, I might get some, but you are definitely not unlike what was originally planned," he mumbled in response, just loud enough so that Derek would hear.

"What?" Derek questioned having clearly heard Spencer, but not wanting to believe he was jumping to such measures.

"What?" Spencer looked up at him innocently, as if nothing had been said, as if nothing had happened, as if he honestly had no idea what Morgan was talking about. He didn't wait for an answer. He grabbed his stuff and went to catch up with the others.

"Hey, Pretty Boy! Wait a minute!" Morgan said, trying to get Reid's attention, but it seemed that the young doctor had nothing further to add as he so blatantly ignored him even when they reached the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one, I know. But the rest of them are longer. Hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

This time Garcia took them to a different bar, not the kind FBI agents frequented. It was a jazz bar, and a pretty famous at that since it was filled with all kinds of people. Most of them looked pretty sophisticated, Reid thought. Rossi was delighted with Garcia's choice, but the rest of them were looking at her surprised in confusion. Garcia simply looked at them smiling, "What? It is a great place to mingle!" she said and winked at Reid as she moved forward to find them a table.

There were stools surrounding the bar that one could sit at, but most of them were occupied. There were tables and booths parallel to the walls of the building; the booths were on a platform higher that the rest of the other sitting arrangements, but the high tables were kept at distance from them. On the far right side there was a dance floor in front of the band that was currently playing. There was a place for the DJ on the far left side, but it seemed that today they had live music.

Garcia found them a booth that could fit all of the six members of the team and soon enough they took their seats around the table. It was a booth that could hold six. Hotch and Rossi sat on the inside, JJ and Garcia on the left side with JJ sitting next to Rossi and Reid and Morgan were situated on the right side, with Reid next to Hotch. Soon enough, a waitress took their orders, but Reid was busy looking around, enamored by the mix of familiar colors, but yet it was a place he's never been before. When everyone was looking at him expectantly, he realized it was his turn to order and blushing he said "Just a soda, please."

"No, no, no, no, no. That's not your poison tonight. He'll get a scotch." Morgan said for him. If the girls were going through with their plan, Reid would need alcohol in his system.

Garcia looked Reid up and down and added as an afterthought, "with cola." When the waitress left thanking them, she looked at Reid again, who was looking at the table as if it had offended him.

"I can order for myself, you know." Reid mumbled.

"I know, but for the night we have planned for you, trust me, you need some liquid courage." Garcia wiggled her eyebrows at him in such a ridiculous way, that he couldn't help the soft smile from his face.

Rossi saved Reid for a while by asking, "So Garcia, how come you brought us here? Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not complaining, but why here?"

"Ah, this is a great place to meet new people, my kind sir. There is plenty of alcohol, soft music so people can talk to each other without having sore throats by the end of the night and there are higher chances for people to be intellectually challenging for some of us."

"Actually-" Reid interrupted, but before he even had the chance to say what he wanted, he found a slim finger shutting his lips.

"Uh-Uh. You are so not spoiling the night with random statistics, White Chocolate. You are here to have fun." Garcia said, holding her finger to his mouth.

"But-" Reid started to protest.

"No buts!" Garcia said and Reid relented.

Hotch and Rossi had started a conversation about something the team members didn't stop to find out about, Garcia looked down right devious feeling confident about her plans, JJ was looking at him expectantly and Morgan was staring at him, though Reid didn't turn around to make sure, knowing that if he did, he would get lost in those brown eyes and the others would know right away their secret. Instead he squirmed in his seat, not liking the attention he was receiving.

"So, Spence. Has anyone caught your eye yet?" JJ asked carefully.

"Uh, n-no, not really."

"You haven't even looked." Garcia pointed out.

"I-I" Reid stumbled to find an answer, but nothing came to his mind fast enough. What could he say? 'I don't want to look; my boyfriend is sitting right next to me'? That wasn't an option. Especially when Garcia insisted. "Look!" she said. So Reid did. He looked around, scanning the people in the bar. He immediately ruled out the women who had a male presence close to them. He tried not to stare at the men for too long, even though there were a few around who were more than just good-looking. If the low growl he heard coming from beside him was anything to go by, he wasn't as subtle as he thought he was being, at least by Derek's standards. His eyes found a girl that was fairly attractive, and he didn't hesitate to point her out to his friends. After all, he just wanted all of this to be over as soon as possible. "I guess the woman in the red dress sitting on the bar is pretty."

"Which do you – Oh, found her. Yeah, I guess you could say she is. But isn't she, I don't know, a little…" Garcia tried to find the right word without offending her friend's choice, "simple?"

"Why? Did you expect Reid to choose someone more flamboyant?" Morgan asked amused.

"No, but she's too… simple! She has brown hair, fair skin tone, nothing extravagant about her dress or her make-up for that matter. There's nothing …unique about her!" Garcia tried to get her point across without being offensive to the girl she didn't know. It's just that she couldn't understand what drew her friend's eyes to her! She always thought he would go for some blond-blue-eyed someone. "Even her eyes are brown!"

"I like brown eyes." Reid admitted momentarily looking at Derek. When he realized what he did, he kept on talking, not wanting them to read anything they shouldn't into that action, "Actually, did you know-"

"No, we didn't and I'm pretty sure we don't want to know either." Garcia interrupted him, not letting him change the subject. Reid was not getting home alone tonight and that was that. "Okay, I admit, she is pretty. So, what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?" Spencer frowned.

The waitress brought the drinks over and Spencer grabbed his own, taking a long sip; not really liking the burn down his throat, but understanding why Garcia said he was going to need it.

Garcia explained, "How are you going to approach her? Are you going to sit next to her and talk to her, are you going to buy her a drink first? What are you going to do?"

"Pen," JJ laid a hand on her friend's arm, trying to contain her excitement with that simple gesture, "I think that's where Morgan comes in." She smiled slightly.

"Right," Morgan said throwing an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. As much fun as it was seeing Reid squirm like that, he really didn't want to be doing this. All he wanted was to kiss his boyfriend on the lips in front of everyone and declare his love for him, and tell them how no woman would ever catch his eye again. But he was pretty sure that Spencer wouldn't appreciate the gesture. So, he had to go on with this farce. They would meet the girls, talk to them, but the only person they would go home with tonight was each other. "So, here's what's gonna happen. You see the girl in the purple dress, right next to the one you pointed?" Morgan spoke to Reid, looking in the direction of the girl to make sure he understood which one he was talking about. When Reid nodded, he continued "I'm going to go there, get her talking, tell her I have a friend I know they would like to meet and then I'll call you to come over. Then that's it. You follow my lead after that, and you'll be fine."

Spencer looked at him apprehensively, not believing for a single moment that that actually worked on women. "That's it?" He asked, frowning at the other man.

"Why? You doubt it?"

"Actually, I do." Spencer said, chuckling. Wow, the alcohol must have taken effect fast if he was acting so freely around people that didn't really know what 'free Spencer' meant.

"Is that so?" Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow at the younger man, silently accepting the challenge. He got up from his seat and patted the man's back, saying, "Watch and learn, Pretty Boy. Watch and learn."

"What are we watching?" Rossi asked, having just finished his conversation with Aaron.

"Derek Morgan's magic in the making." Garcia responded without looking at him. Instead, her gaze was fixated on the dark man in the distance. "He's trying to woo the girl in the purple dress so that our boy genius here can have the girl in the red one."

"Really?" Rossi looked disbelievingly at the young doctor. Something always told him the kid didn't swing that way. He could be wrong, even though he rarely was.

"Yes. And he seems pretty good at it." JJ noted.

Reid hadn't looked at Morgan after he left. He didn't want to look. He didn't want to see him openly flirt with some random woman when he could easily be the one on the receiving end, if only he had the courage to come out to his team. He shook his head and took another long sip of his drink welcoming the heat the alcohol made his body produce. He couldn't do that. He didn't know if his relationship with Derek was going to last. Derek always told him to just believe in them, but he found it hardly enough with all of these statistics in his head about the divorce rate or break-up of homosexual relationships. He also couldn't risk their job if this was something that would pass them by. He doubted it would ever pass him by, since his feelings for the other man were so strong already, but he didn't know about Derek. Right now, he seemed right in his element talking to that woman. He turned around and looked at Derek smile his sexy smile that could have every male or female swoon at the sight of it. He touched her arm lightly, just a feather touch, and said something to her that made her laugh. Reid fell back into the role of the straight awkward still learning young doctor, and said "Does he seriously expect me to act like that? I-I can't do that!" he almost squeaked. But not because he couldn't do that, but because the woman's hands were getting too close to his favorite body for his liking.

"If you down that drink, you will." Rossi said, pointing at the almost half filled glass in front of him. Reid really wanted to get up, get there and kiss Morgan, to show everyone that he was his, but he didn't. He controlled himself. He turned back around to stare at his drink, before he reacted impulsively.

"Oh!" Garcia said, leaning up from her seat to take a better look. "Things seem to be getting frisky over there." She mumbled under her breath, but Reid heard her. He was trying to keep himself in control, but it was so hard. He knew Derek wouldn't do anything, he trusted him. And the fact that he even had to flirt with someone else was his own fault because Reid was the one that pushed them to keep their relationship a secret. It was Reid that was mostly afraid.

"Morgan definitely seems to be enjoying himself." JJ said, nudging Garcia on the side as if she wasn't already looking.

"Oh right now, he definitely is!" Garcia said, smirking as if her favorite TV show was suddenly on. "Reid look!"

Reid rolled his eyes, not that Garcia noticed, or JJ for that matter. But he did as he was told. He slowly turned around to see, wanting to ask why they told him to look, but what he came to face made him freeze all over. "Wh-?" The word got stuck in his throat as his eyes focused on his worst nightmare unfolding right in front of him. Derek was kissing someone else. He was kissing a woman, somebody that wasn't Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand the plot has officially started taking root. What do you think?!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!   
> If you want some music to listen to while reading this, I'd suggest Crash by You Me At Six. This song inspired this chapter. It's just so... heartbreaking.

He stopped breathing, his lungs stopped working, his heart was breaking and Spencer could hear the pieces fall to the floor one by one, shattering into a million others so small, that even if anyone picked them up, they'd never be able to reassemble them into what it once was. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't get his diaphragm to work. It was as if the oxygen in the room failed him; it wasn't enough. He needed to breathe. He needed room to breathe. His vision got blurry, feeling tears taking over, but he didn't stay long enough for them to spill. He got up and on shaky legs, he turned to the others. He could see their lips moving, but he couldn't hear a word. It was as if he was underwater, but he was too far down for the sound to reach him. He was drowning and the only man he trusted to save him had betrayed him. "I- I-I can-can't. I need to…. I… I need to go. I… need.. I-" he tried to speak, but his thoughts were all over the place. He just needed to breathe. He needed to get away. He couldn't stay there anymore. He mechanically grabbed his coat and pushed himself through the sea of bodies, trying to get to the exit. Where had all these people come from? He didn't know. He didn't care. He just wanted to get out.

What Spencer didn't notice though, was the shock written on Derek's face and the stiffness of his body at the unfamiliar contact, which would have probably told him Derek was not the one who initiated the kiss. He also didn't see Derek push the woman off of him, looking for Spencer afterwards. But Spencer was not at the table at that time and Derek saw him push people away to leave. He didn't hear Derek calling after him, following him as fast as he could. "Reid!" He had shouted. "Spencer, wait!" People turned their heads to look at him, but not Spencer. Not the one Derek was looking for.

He also didn't see Hotch frown at them, muttering a "Damn it," under his breath. He didn't see him get up and follow the two lovers in a much less hurried pace.

* * *

Reid was leaning on the wall on the corner the bar was at. He was holding his head in his hands, trying to wrap his mind around what he had just witnessed. Did that really happen? Was this a nightmare he would soon wake up from? Was this real? He pinched himself, looking for a shred of hope that this wasn't happening, that the world wasn't crumbling around him, that the walls the dark man had taken so long to destroy were not being rebuilt in the speed of sound. No, no. He must have seen something wrong. Yes. Yes. It was a delusion. A trick of the mind if you must. Derek wasn't the one kissing the woman. No, it couldn't be.

But as he looked up at the night's sky and closed his eyes, memories flashed before him, memories of a few minutes ago. He saw again the man he loved engaged in a kiss with some other woman. He saw Derek with his eyes closed enjoying a woman's touch. He tried to get it out of his head. Just delete it. Even burry it to the very back of his subconscious. Anything! Anything that could take the pain away that he felt in his ribcage. Anything that could let his lungs work again. Anything that wouldn't have him feel as if Derek pushed his hand in his chest, grabbed his heart, twisted it, squeezed it until it eventually blew up from the sheer force. Anything that would stop the tears from flowing now freely.

He didn't hear the bar's door open and he didn't hear the agent that was running towards him either. "Spencer!" That he heard. He wished he didn't recognize the voice, but it was one that would always be imprinted in his mind and right now, it hurt him even more. He couldn't face him. He didn't want to face him. In fact right now, he thought he could never see him again. So, he leaned off the wall and turned to leave. He tried to run, but his vision was blurred. The tears just wouldn't stop falling. "Spencer!" No. No. No. He had to get away. He tried to cross the road when the piercing sound of a horn made him take a step back. The agent he was running away from seemed to have caught up, since he felt a hand grab his arm and turn him around. "Spencer."

The touch burned him. It used to be that a touch from Derek would warm his skin, but this… this was different. This burned. This hurt. This.. it was as if he could feel the skin sizzle. So he pulled his arm violently, freeing it from the agent's hold and spit at him "Don't touch me!"

"Spencer that wasn't-" Derek started, but Spencer didn't let him continue. "No, Derek! I don't care! I'm not interested in listening how it wasn't what it looked like! And you know what, Derek? It doesn't even matter anymore! We're over!" Spencer yelled at his face, not even bothering to hide the raw pain in his voice, or try to stop the tears from spilling. He saw Derek's eyes fill with unshed tears, his face suffering so much pain he didn't want to acknowledge. He couldn't look at him anymore. Instead he tried to hail a cab. He had come here with Derek and leaving with him was not an option.

"Spence, baby, if you just let me explain-" Derek tried to touch him again, only to have Spencer flinch away. "There's nothing to explain, Morgan!" Reid yelled, using his last name on purpose to show how he didn't give a damn anymore, even if that was the biggest lie that had ever left his lips. "It's over! We're through! We're done!" He didn't think Derek's expression could get any more painful, but it did, and a tear ran down his face. He couldn't bear to look. "Spencer, don't do this," he kept on saying, but he didn't stay to listen. He found a cab and as it stopped right in front of him, he opened the door to get in when a hand stopped him. He turned and came face to face, closer that he expected, with the source of his pain, with the object of his betrayal. "Don't do this, Spencer. Don't go. Please." Derek pleaded once again, but Spencer couldn't. He needed to go. He needed to get as far away as he could from this man. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I can't. It's over Derek." He hated how his voice broke in the end. He wanted to get in the cab and drive away, but Derek was still keeping hold of him.

Suddenly, Hotch was there pushing Derek away gently, "Let him go, Morgan."

Spencer nodded once at Hotch, and got in the cab and drove away into the dead of the night.

"Let him go? Hotch, he broke up with me! He said it's over! I need to go! I need to find him! I need to explain! He needs to know the truth!" Morgan shouted, unable to stop the tears from falling at the thought that he had lost Spencer forever.

"He doesn't. Not tonight." Hotch replied calmly.

"I'm not giving up without a fight, Hotch!" Morgan shouted again.

"Do you think Reid will listen in this state of mind? As far as he knows you kissed her. He probably thinks you enjoyed it as well. You are the cheater in his eyes, Morgan. No matter what you say, he won't believe you."

Derek turned away from him, holding the back of his head with both of his hands. He knew Hotch was right, but he couldn't let Spencer go. He needed to fix this. He needed to make him listen. God, how did this night turned into the worst of his life? He couldn't live without Spencer. He didn't want to live without him. He needed him. He loved him. He turned back around and looked into his friend's eyes, "How do I fix this Hotch?" he almost whispered.

Hotch heard the others coming outside, and he said tersely, "I'm not saying to give up. I'm saying not tonight." Hotch put an arm around the man's shoulders and led him towards the group. It was obvious the night was over for the team and their cars were in the opposite direction.

* * *

Rossi had told the others to pay the tab and get going. They all had questions, but Dave gave no answer. He wanted to see first what had happened between the two, Derek and Spencer. He had his suspicions, but that wasn't enough for him to share them with the others.

Garcia had followed Rossi's suggestions, but she was totally confused. Why did Reid leave like that? He was about to meet someone with whom he could possibly fall in love with and Derek had been helping him with that. What was it that made him leave like that? That made him look so broken? They had come out of the club and the only thing she saw was Derek hold on to Reid as he tried to get into a cab, Hotch going there, telling them something and then suddenly Reid was being driven away and Derek was going crazy for some reason. What happened? Then Derek and Hotch were coming towards them and… was Derek crying? Why was her Chocolate God crying? Who made him cry? "Wha- What happened? Derek? Are you okay?" Garcia asked, moving towards him, putting a hand on his arm in a comforting manner.

Derek didn't let Garcia touch him. In fact he couldn't even look at her right now. Or anyone else for that matter. She and her stupid plans had caused him to lose what he held dearest in life. If she hadn't insisted on being a match-maker, none of this would have happened. He evaded her touch and glared at her, before walking away. He knew he was being harsh. But he needed someone to blame. And she and her plans were the easiest targets at the moment.

"What happened?" Garcia said in a broken whisper, tears gathering in her eyes. She stood there, frozen on the spot, her head stuck on the image of Derek looking at her with so much rage and hatred… Derek had never looked at her like that. What did she do?

"Reid broke up with Morgan," Hotch answered honestly, looking in the direction Morgan was walking towards, seeing him get in his car and wondering if he was going to get home safe in his state.

JJ gasped at the new information, "You mean Morgan and Spence…" she couldn't finish her sentence. She couldn't believe it. How didn't she know? Why hadn't Spence told her anything about it? She always knew Spence was less judging about who he liked, not getting stuck on someone's genitals if he liked what was on the inside. But he was in a relationship with one of their co-workers and he never said a thing! Why? And how hadn't they figured it out already?

Hotch nodded, understanding what JJ was trying to say, "They never said anything to me officially, which means they don't want us to know about it, but they have been together for a couple of months."

"You honestly never noticed?" Rossi asked the two women.

JJ turned to him full of sarcasm, "What, and you knew?"

"I had my suspicions," he said cryptically. He knew something had changed in the dynamics of Morgan and Reid's relationship, even though he didn't know to what extent. Though, suspecting Reid's sexuality and knowing the possibility of Morgan's love for their little genius to be more than that of the friendly nature, he could now understand why Reid got so upset.

Garcia was trying to process the new information she was getting. Her Chocolate Thunder and Boy Wonder had been together for about a couple of months and she had no idea about it. Derek hadn't said anything and she hadn't seen it. She had seen a certain happiness in him for the past couple of months, but she had no idea Reid was responsible for it. She thought he had found someone that was worth staying for more than a night and she was happy he was happy, so she never asked any details. And Derek was such a private person when it came to his personal life, that even if she asked, she doubted he'd tell her just like that. He had been so happy and she didn't want to spoil it in anyway. She was contempt with not knowing as long as he flashed her that blinding smile of his every day. And tonight….Oh God, what had she done? Garcia gasped in horror, "Oh my God, what did I do? I wanted Reid to not be lonely anymore, I didn't know… And I insisted, and here… and Derek…" Garcia struggled to find the words.

"Derek cheated on him," JJ said already concerned and mad at the other man.

"Did he?" Rossi asked and when all of them turned to look at him, he continued, "You saw it as well as I did. She kissed him and Derek didn't kiss her back."

Hotch shook his head. "It doesn't matter. That's not what Reid saw. Anyway, it's none of our business. It's best if we go home now and stay out of their way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always admired Hotch for being able to keep his head together even in the most unwelcome circumstances. So, of course I'm going to write him that way. Anyway, I hope you liked this!


	5. Chapter 5

If you asked Spencer how he got to his apartment last night, he didn't know. He couldn't remember. What he could remember though, was walking into the empty space. He had been living on his own for many years. But then Derek came into his life and living alone did not seem appealing anymore. Everything felt empty, lonely, like something was missing. He remembers looking around and whichever spot his eye caught on, there was an image, a memory playing inside his head of a moment of happiness or sadness that he shared with Derek at that exact spot. This place held so many memories, it suffocated him.

He thought about fleeing the scene. He considered wandering the roads alone, as long as he was away from here, but he found out he couldn't leave. He didn't want to leave. He needed the pain. He needed the comfort only his bed could provide. He needed Derek's smell that was left on his pillows for him to get through the night. He needed Derek. But he couldn't have him; he was the one that hurt him in the first place. He was the one that drove him to this state. He remembers crying himself to sleep, hugging Derek's pillow as if his life depended on it. The sad thing is, maybe it was.

Now he was awake, even though his eyes were still closed. His eyes were burning; they hurt from all the tears. He didn't know when he stopped crying. It definitely wasn't by the time he fell asleep. He doubted it had been during his sleep, the one that was haunted by nightmares more than usual. Most of them involved Derek and all of them ended painfully for him. But the tears must have stopped at some point. Maybe his body was dehydrated and couldn't produce them anymore. Whatever the reason was, Spencer was hurting at the moment. The space where his heart had once been, felt hollow and as much as he wanted tears to fall, there were none in his eyes.

He didn't want to get up. It was strange. He didn't even crave coffee. Even if somehow his coffee maker came to life and found its way to his bedroom and all he had to do would be press the single button that would get it started, he wouldn't push it. He would even open his eyes to look at it. He just didn't care about coffee. He didn't care about anything at all. It was as if the Spencer he was yesterday was gone and he had no idea who the Spencer residing in him was. Or maybe he knew. But acknowledging the heartache was too much for him. He was numb at the moment, even though he felt the pain. He was… lifeless. He was contempt in the numbness, in the stillness of the moment. He didn't want to chase that feeling away by thinking.

He didn't get to do so as his phone started ringing. He had to pick it up to see if it was a case. But he couldn't find it anywhere. Stilling for a moment, focusing on the sound, he found in on the floor on the other side of the bed. He probably threw it there yesterday. As he grabbed it, he saw the caller-ID saying 'Garcia', and he hesitated. He could ignore the nagging feeling that told him this was not about a case, that Garcia only wanted to talk about… about yesterday. He didn't want to risk it. He couldn't let her bring back the memories now that they seemed to be sedated. So, he threw it away and let it ring on vibrate. He knew if a case was up, Hotch would eventually call him himself.

The arising question now was, if there was a case, would he go? Will he be able to see  _him_? Will he be able to work with  _him_ , be in the same space that  _he_ is? He couldn't answer any of those questions at the moment. It hurt a little too much to even think about it. He missed Derek. Then why was the realization of the fact like a million little paper cuts between his fingers?

He stirred in his bed and realized he was still wearing yesterday night's clothes. He got up suddenly feeling as if the stain of yesterday's events had been imprinted on his shirt, his pants even his underwear, and started ripping off the offending articles. As his undershirt passed his nose, he smelled the smell from the jazz bar and he was disgusted with himself out of the blue. He was angry at Derek, at himself, at his head for replaying the moment his life took the highway to hell non-stop. He smelled his own skin. He felt like he could smell Derek on him, like he could feel the memory of  _him_ kissing her rubbing on his skin, trying to root into the pores and he couldn't take it. He needed to get it out. He needed to scratch it off. He needed it out of him.

He hurried to the shower, for some reason finding warm water –he must have forgotten to turn off the thermostat again – and tried to wash off the stench that brought his pain and anger back tenfold. He scratched at his skin, so much until it was red all over. But he needed to make sure it was gone. He needed to forget. He needed to stop feeling. He needed his peace of mind back.

He couldn't help the tears of frustration as they escaped his eyes. He put his head under the showerhead and let the water wash them away. He let his mind drift back to the time when he thought he would never be sad again, to the time when he thought that even if he was sad, he was going to have a special someone by his side to make everything alright. He never really stopped to consider the fact that his special someone would be the reason for his sadness.

_"_ _Thank God. I thought I was the only one." Derek said against his lips, still holding his Pretty Boy close, resting his forehead against the other's, looking deep into those hazel eyes intensely. Now that he could stare into them without worrying if he got caught, he didn't want to blink ever again._

_"_ _You're not," Spencer said, relief flowing throw his body, happiness and warmth taking over his heart at the realization that his feelings were reciprocated after all. He didn't waste any more time. He had wanted to do this for so long. He didn't really know how big the time span of his need for Derek's lips against his own was, but judging from his almost bursting heart, the hazy feeling the kiss had made his head experience and the burning of his lips, he estimated it was too big to pass up the chance of kissing him again way longer than before. However, a minute later Derek was pulling away. Spencer tried to follow his lips with his own, but Derek put a hand on his chest, not really pushing him, but keeping him in place. As he opened his eyes and looked at the unreadable look on the other man's face, confusion settled on his features and all kinds of bad scenarios went through his mind._

_"_ _Spencer, wait."_

_Maybe Derek wasn't ready for this, wasn't ready to accept his attraction towards another man. Taking his past into consideration, it was a possibility. But he kissed him first, so that couldn't be it, could it? He wouldn't have initiated such contact if that was the case, right? Maybe he didn't want them to be together due to the fraternization rules. Or maybe he didn't want them to be together because they were so different and he thought they'd never work. But he couldn't decide that before he gave them a try, could he? Maybe-_

_"_ _Spencer!"_

_Derek calling his name got him out of his own mind and Spencer looked at him, ready to hear the rejection come from the lips he had just gotten a taste of. A taste that had only fueled his feelings for him._

_"_ _I want to be with you," Derek started, "I really do. But-"_

_But he can't. That was it._

_"_ _I don't know how to do this."_

_What? Spencer was confused. He didn't hear any rejection in his words or tone, but he didn't hear acceptance either. He only heard…helplessness and confusion. "What?"_

_Derek took a deep breath and explained, putting his walls down, "I don't know how to do this Spencer. I've never been in a serious relationship before and I don't know how it feels to have one. I don't know how it works. I only know what friends have told me. They said you're in a relationship when you do things to make your partner happy not because you have to, but because you want to. And I want that with you Spencer. I want that and more, a lot more. But I'm going to screw things up, Spencer. Probably more than once. Are you sure you want that?"_

Spencer closed his eyes at the memory. It was from the day he had showed up at Derek's house and confessed his feelings for him. He didn't really have any relationship experience either, so then he had told Derek that they would learn together. They were going to take things step by step and they would do whatever they felt right. Spencer had accepted Derek with all his faults and all the baggage he carried with his past. Derek had done the same with him. Spencer had taken a step out of his comfort zone and had given everything to Derek. He had wanted to give everything to him. And now he was left with nothing. Now all that was left were memories stained by yesterday night's events. Now all he had was a heart broken he had no idea how to mend.

The thing is, Derek had warned him and Spencer hadn't listened. Derek had warned him he would screw up. And he did. And Spencer still loved him. After everything they've been through, he couldn't hate him. He was mad at him, sure, hurt by his actions, definitely, but he didn't hate him. He wished he did. Maybe that would help him forget about him.

He shook his head, for once trying to shut his mind. He didn't want to think anymore. He wanted to go back to that numb state before the anger knocked on his door. He got of the shower, toweled himself dry, put on some sweatpants and a loose t-shirt and went to his bed to do just that.

* * *

JJ had just convinced Henry to take his midday nap when her phone started ringing. Without checking the caller ID, she picked it up hoping it wasn't a case, "Jareau speaking."

_"_ _Hey, JJ. It's me."_

JJ heard her friend's voice coming from the other line and was instantly worried. She didn't sound like her cheerful self. She sounded different, almost sad. "Hey, Pen. What's up?"

 _"_ _I may or may not have done something I shouldn't have."_  JJ could hear the cringe in Garcia's voice and she stayed silent, waiting for her to get it out of her chest without having her prodding for information. _"I called Reid,"_  she said finally.

"Penelope-" she started, not even knowing what her next words were going to be when Garcia interrupted her.

_"_ _I know I shouldn't have and he didn't answer. And then I got like super worried and I accidentally tracked his cell phone-"_

"Accidentally?", JJ asked, being fully aware it was anything but an accident.

_"_ _-and he's at home. Then why didn't he pick up? Is he mad at me? God, he is. He must be blaming me for what happened. After all, I was the one-"_

She could hear that her friend was on the edge of hysteria and knew she had to stop her from beating herself up for yesterday. None of them had any idea that would have happened. None of them could have prevented it without knowing the truth in the first place. "Garcia. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know Derek and Spence were together. None of us knew. And you certainly didn't know that woman was going to kiss Derek."

There was a moment of silence on the other end, before a sigh was heard followed by the question,  _"We really screwed up, didn't we?"_

"Yeap." JJ had to agree. It was their plan after all to help Reid get rid of his single status, though he had already done that without their knowledge. "That we did."

_"_ _How are we going to fix this?"_

Her voice was small and fearful and JJ wished at that moment she had something optimistic to say. But it wasn't their relationship that was ruined. It was Spencer and Derek's and it wasn't their place to do anything about it. "It's not our thing to fix, Pen. They need to figure things out by themselves, but we can be there for them if they need us."

 _"_ _Do you think I should call him again?"_ , Garcia sighed.

"Do you think he'll answer?" JJ shot back, both knowing the answer to that.

 _"_ _You're right,"_  Garcia sounded defeated _. "I'm just so, so, so, so worried and even more guilty. I need to know if he's okay. I need to know if there's anything I can do to help him."_

JJ sighed, knowing exactly how her friend was feeling. "Garcia, Spence is hurting right now. He won't talk to anyone. Give him time. Give him a day and maybe tomorrow we can check up on him."

_"_ _Okay, fine. I won't call him. But you'll call me if he calls or anything, right?"_

"He won't. But if he does, I will," JJ promised, hoping that little thing might calm Penelope's mind even a little.

"Okay. Bye JJ. "

"Bye Pen." JJ hung up the phone and found a pair of arms circling her waist.

"Was that Penelope?" Will said in her ear, kissing the skin under it softly.

"Yeah, she's worried about Spence and Derek. I think we all are." She had told him everything about last night. She knew it wasn't her business to tell, but she had come home crying, feeling guilty as hell and a terrible friend and Will was concerned. He wanted to know even more after she got angry at Spence. She hadn't told him anything yet, but she started accusing Spence of being a liar and a hypocrite and whatever else bad enough came to mind that could express her anger. Will couldn't understand why JJ would be speaking in such way about their son's godfather. So, he helped her calm down, and that was when JJ broke down and told him everything.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been absent for a while. I know. Sorry.
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	6. Chapter 6

Derek wasn’t okay. He was far from it actually. What used to be the safest drive in the world when he went home since he knew the streets so well, had now become a death trap. He couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t stop seeing Spencer crying in front of him. He couldn’t forget his voice and the raw pain in it. It was like his brain was now a broken record and it was stuck on the phrase “I can’t. It’s over Derek.” He couldn’t believe the pain he had caused to the only one he ever really wanted to be with. Sure, he knew from the start he would do something to screw this up somehow, but not this. _Never_ this. He ran a lot of red lights, ignored too many stop signs to be safe, and avoided many possible crashes on his way. His heart was aching. He needed Spencer. He needed his Pretty Boy, but he left him and he had every right to do so. It was his fault after all. As if God was sensing his distress, little droplets appeared on the windshield that soon blew out into an all-out rain. Or maybe God was simply punishing him for hurting the other man, because if before the tears clouded his vision, with the heavy rain added to the mix it was really difficult for him to see.

He got home, though, in one piece. He couldn’t believe he managed to do that, but he didn’t really care at the moment. The pain was too much, too real. As he opened the door and stepped inside his house, the first thing he saw was a photo sitting on the coffee table in the living room. It was a photo of him and Spencer during a silly night at home and Spencer learning the definition of selfies.

_They had been back from a quite difficult case and neither of the two men wanted to go out. They just wanted to stay in and take comfort in the other’s embrace. They got comfortable on the couch in Derek’s home and watched some TV. Derek was sitting on the couch with Spencer sitting between his legs, the couch wide enough they could sprawl on it in a sitting position._

_It was after a few minutes that Derek realized that they had no photos of them together and he really wanted to frame one and put it on the nightstand in his bedroom for the lonely nights. He wrapped his arms a little tighter around Spencer, and whispered in his ear, “Let’s take a selfie.”_

_“A what?” Spencer asked confused, not really paying any attention to whatever was playing on TV when Derek was in such close proximity._

_“A selfie. A picture of ourselves.” He said as he got out his iPhone out of his pocket. He looked through it and touched the camera app button, and stretched his arm, so that both of them were visible on the screen._

_“Why would we do that?” Spencer still didn’t understand the purpose of the ‘selfie’._

_“Because I want a picture of us and there’s not really someone that can take it for us, is there?” He raised his eyebrow in a challenge and posed to take a picture._

_But Spencer tried to squirm out of his arms, “But I don’t want to take a selfie,” he protested._

_“What? You don’t want to take a photo with me?” Derek said, feigning hurt._

_“What? No! I never said that! I do want to take a photograph with you! Ugh.. Why don’t we just set the camera there and have it take the photo itself?” Spencer offered as a solution. He didn’t know why he was protesting that much, but he just wasn’t feeling comfortable taking a picture of himself._

_“Come on, a selfie is way more fun, Kid.”_

_“How can taking a picture of yourself be fun? And what is the purpose of doing it, anyway?” Spencer asked confused._

_“Come on, pretty boy, you’ll see. Pose for me?” Derek asked, using the puppy-eyes-look, knowing that Spencer couldn’t resist it. But somehow this time he did and shook his head. When he tried to wiggle out of Morgan’s grasp, Derek didn’t let him. Instead, he started tickling his side with his free hand, while Spencer toppled over in laughter. Morgan then, took a few pictures wanting more than anything to capture the moment, capture Spencer’s laugh on the screen. At the sound of each click, Spencer shouted “Stop!” trying hard to catch his breath._

_When Derek was satisfied with the amount of pictures he had taken, he stopped tickling his boyfriend, opting to rest his arm around his waist and let the other one down, still stretched out with the phone in hand, but not really intending on taking another picture. He looked at Spencer as he got his breath, and a moment later, their eyes were locked. He couldn’t believe the emotions behind Spencer’s eyes. He couldn’t believe someone so perfect could feel something so intense for someone like him. He couldn’t believe how he had won the lottery the moment those caramel eyes landed on him and hadn’t realized it right away. He felt so many things for his pretty boy. Just one look and he was caught in a net he didn’t want to get out of. He saw Spencer look at him the same way he was; with awe, love, adoration and a soft smile on his lips. He felt his body relax as they gazed into each other’s eyes. He felt his muscles relax from his feet right to his hands. But as his fingers relaxed, they rested on the phone’s screen, touching the button to take a photo accidentally. The click that sounded startled them both, and broke the spell they had both been in. Derek looked at the screen to see why the device had made such a sound out of the blue. What he saw made his breath hitch, and if the sound coming from next to him was any indication, Spencer felt the same._

_Derek had accidentally taken a photo of them gazing at each other. It was not a weird photo, or a posed one, but it still looked very intimate. The way they looked at each other, the emotions beautifully captured in their eyes… if anyone else saw it, they’d think they were interrupting something they weren’t supposed to witness. It became Derek’s favorite photo right away. It was as if their relationship was depicted in one caption and Derek promised to cherish it for as long as he lived._

He remembered the moment as if it was yesterday. He could still hear Spencer’s laugh in his ears as if he was standing right there next to him. He grabbed the photo off the coffee table to look at it more closely, and in a surge of anger he threw it on the floor and watched as it shattered against it. He watched as the glass broke in pieces and how the wooden frame splintered in a few places and broke in one. Funny how easily he could compare his heart to the damaged frame.

A second later he heard Clooney coming down the stairs, and turned to stop the dog from going further, preventing him from stepping on the glass. Obviously sensing his discomfort, Clooney whimpered, walking to Derek and rubbing his face against his thigh, trying to take away in any way he could his master’s pain. Derek petted him, knowing how much the dog loved Spencer, being fully aware the doctor’s absence was hurting the both of them. “I know, boy. I know,” he said, “I screwed up this time. I screwed up bad,” he admitted. It was the first time he said it out loud ever since Spencer left in that cab. He had admitted it to himself, but actually saying it felt different. It made it that much more real.

His knees couldn’t hold his weight any longer. He was exhausted. Someone was squeezing his heart and didn’t feel like they were going to let go anytime soon. He slid down the floor with Clooney lying on his lap, sensing his master’s need for company. Though Derek was not alone, the silence in his home felt deafening. The rain was pouring outside. The drops landed on the window’s glass in a fury. The sound resonated around him. He was leaning against the wall and all he felt was pain. Nothing else. Everything else was numb. Every other sense was gone. He stared at nothing in particular, the tears slowing down significantly. He wasn’t asleep yet, but he wasn’t really awake either. He felt… numb. There wasn’t really any other word to explain it.

He felt like he was living a dream, a very bad dream. He felt like he was stuck in it and was begging for someone to get him out of it. But he knew that if he was asleep, he was the only one that could get him out. He was the only one that could stop this madness. He didn’t move. He laid there emotionless and closed his eyes, trying to make himself go back into a dreamless sleep. He only hoped next time he opened his eyes, he’d be in reality and Spencer would be right there with him.

However, it wasn’t a dreamless sleep. Memories were everywhere, floating inside his head. Memories of him and Spencer on their first date, memories that belonged completely in the past of the numerous times he had almost lost him, memories of the endless, sleepless, giddy nights where he couldn’t sleep because his mind was wide awake thinking of Spencer. What once was a welcome reminder, now was something haunting. He couldn’t wake up though. No matter how much he tried, no matter how many times he told himself to simply get out of it, he couldn’t. In this last dream he saw Reid in the arms of the unsub, and Derek had his gun drawn on him. He was trying to talk him down, hoping he wouldn’t do what the profile said he would. But that wasn’t the case. Morgan’s hope proved to be in vain, when the unsub did the unthinkable; he pulled the trigger. Morgan wasn’t fast enough. He saw the man’s finger put pressure on the button, but he wasn’t fast enough. He shot the unsub straight to the head, but it wasn’t enough. He had already shot Spencer and Morgan stood and watched as he fell down, blood coming out of his head in crazy amounts, the last word that left his lips was his lover’s name, a simple ‘Derek’. Derek was by his side in milliseconds, holding his body, feeling the life flow out of him. He cradled his dead body in his chest and screamed, “No!” unable to keep the pain in.

That was when he woke up and shot out of his place on the floor, as if the place was on fire. He looked around for Spencer, and as everything came back from last night, he realized none of it was a bad dream, he realized that Spencer had truly left him. But he couldn’t stand there. He needed to make sure Spencer was alright. That last dream, it weighed on his mind tugging at his heart’s strings, giving him a bad vibe. He needed to know Spencer was okay. Even if he wasn’t with him, he needed to know Spencer was alive. It was what they did when either of them had nightmares; they made sure the other was okay.

He got his phone out of his pocket and speed-dialed number one, Spencer’s number. It rang, and rang and rang. “Come one, Spencer. Pick up the damn phone.” Derek growled, pacing on the floor. But the line went into voice mail. He knew even if he left a message, Spencer wouldn’t listen to it anytime soon, positive that he didn’t want to have anything to do with him at the moment. But that would be risky either way, wouldn’t it? What if Spencer wasn’t okay? What if something had happened? What if he had done something he shouldn’t have? What if..? Oh God… No, he couldn’t torture himself like that. He needed to check out for himself.

He didn’t bother changing his clothes from the night before. He got his car keys, and got out of there, slamming the door shut as he went. The sky was still pouring down, but he didn’t care. He needed to make sure Spencer was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. It's been a long time coming. But I'm trying to finish this. I can't promise anything, because studying and my mood always get in the way, but I hope you're still with me?
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> -R.C.


	7. Chapter 7

When he arrived, he barely remembered to lock the car before he was sprinting to Spencer’s apartment complex and climbing the stairs two at a time. He got to Reid’s floor and stopped in front of his door. He hesitated to knock. He knew Spencer couldn’t be ready to see him yet, and if there was a chance Spencer had calmed down a bit, he didn’t want to show him his face and bring all the pain back. He didn’t want his pretty boy to hurt anymore. So he put his ear on the door, trying to make out a sound that would indicate Reid is alive and well, at least physically. But no such sound came. He considered leaving for a moment, but he knew he would worry himself sick unless he had evidence that pretty boy was alright. That nightmare had seemed so real, so possible… It had really rocked him to his core.

He hesitantly, but firmly, knocked on the door, keeping his ear on the cold surface for the sound of any movement from the other side. He didn’t speak. Spencer would never open the door if he knew who was waiting on the other side. When there was no sound, not even footsteps, Derek knocked again more persistently this time. He barely kept himself from calling out his pretty boy’s name. This time there was the sound of shuffling feet, but then they abruptly stopped. Derek leaned even further, letting his whole body touch the door surface, keeping his breathing in check trying to figure what was going on on the other side. And then he heard something…

*SMASH*

“Reid!”

* * *

Spencer was harboring a warm cup of coffee trying to keep the memories at bay and failing considerably. When he closed his eyes, and tried to relax on the couch, he longed for a certain pair of strong arms to surround his body, he longed for the feeling of those dark lips against his skin. But the moment the thought crossed his mind, he hated himself because those lips were not his anymore. Those lips had touched another and Spencer could not forget that, no matter how much he wished to be able to do so. He couldn’t let go. The image kept torturing him until he accepted misery’s company. It got so bad eventually, that he had no choice but to give into her advances.

Right when he thought that he was about to go down a spiral of painful experiences, a knock on his door sounded that drove misery back to that shadow she had come from. Spencer didn’t know who would visit him willingly at this time. The only person who Spencer was used to his random appearances was Derek and right now… No, it couldn’t be him.

He ignored whoever it was. Maybe it was Garcia or JJ filled with questions about last night. Whichever of the girls it was, Spencer was not ready to deal with them. Not yet. Not today. The knock on the door sounded again, more firm this time. It was highly possible that whoever was on the other side wouldn’t relent until the door was opened, so Spencer got up and dragged himself to the door with his cup of coffee in hand. He touched the doorknob with his free hand ready to open the door, and looked through the peephole to see who was looking for him. The moment his brain caught up with recognition, a surge of pain overcame his body. A surge of pain and longing that made him gasp in response, taking a step back, the cup slipping from his fingers landing with a loud smash on the floor.

_“Reid!”_

No. No. No, no, No! He couldn’t… he couldn’t be here. How dare he come here?! How dare he knock on his door after-after what he did to him? To them?! He couldn’t open the door. He _wouldn’t_ open the door. He didn’t want to see him. He wasn’t ready to face him yet. Not him. He hadn’t forgotten yet!

* * *

“Spencer!” Derek shouted. He couldn’t help it. The sound of breaking glass made his heart skip a bit and not in a pleasant way. It made his pulse race with worry, his fist bang on the door with urgency.

* * *

His voice was torture in his ears. It was as if his voice was now a drill trying to get through his skull. He put his hands on his ears, trying to keep the sound of his voice at bay, “Stop, please. Stop. Don’t. Go away. Just…” he couldn’t help but murmur. He knew the man behind the door couldn’t probably hear him, but he had to make him go away.

* * *

“Kid! Are you okay?!” He kept shouting. After the loud smash he couldn’t hear anything. He had no idea what was happening behind the closed door and it scared him. Had Spencer broken something? Dropped something? What? Was he hurt? He needed to know.

* * *

His ears were muffled, but the sound still reached him. Not as loud, but it echoed in the walls of his mind and that was enough to increase the pain tenfold. He just wanted to stop hearing. He wanted his senses to fail him suddenly and he wanted for the pain to let him go. He wanted Derek to let him go. He dropped to his knees in front of the door and begged, “Let me go,” in a whisper.

_“Open the door Reid!”_

The man kept banging on the door and Spencer was impressed the lock was holding against the force. He was crying now. He didn’t know when the tears started flowing, but they did. He still didn’t answer the man loud enough, but it was obvious Spencer wasn’t going to open the door, why did he keep trying? Why was he still there? Spencer couldn’t take it. He wanted to escape. There was only one way to escape and he couldn’t use that… He needed to escape. Where was his escape?

_“Pretty boy! Answer me! I will break the goddamned door if I have to!”_

That was no empty threat; they both knew that. So Spencer did the only thing he could think of to prevent the situation from coming to that point. He sat against the door with a loud thud to alert Derek of his presence, knowing that even though a lot had happened, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him physically. “Go away!” He shouted for the man to hear him.

* * *

He heard Spencer’s voice angry and hurt asking him to go away. But he couldn’t. He needed to see him first. He needed Spencer to be alright. He let his head fall on the door, his forehead resting against the surface. He felt his resolve leaving his body. He could feel himself giving up on the hope that the door would open. He had to try at least one last time. “Pretty Boy, open the door. Just let me see you.”

* * *

Derek was begging him to open the door. His voice was not loud as before, and the torment in it made Spencer whimper in pain. He couldn’t open the door. He wrapped his hands around his knees and put his head between them, the tears soaking the soft fabric of his pajama pants. Why couldn’t he just leave? He threw his head back in despair, not caring as it hit the door, and said, “Just go away, Derek.”

* * *

He heard Spencer lean against the door. It was as if he could see him sitting on the floor leaning against the door, wrapping himself in a fetal position. He could see the tears; he could hear them in his voice. It broke him even more to know he had caused them to come out. He had come here with the mere purpose of making sure his pretty boy was alive and well. Instead he had made him cry. He had hurt him again and Spencer didn’t deserve that.

He felt lost and lonely as he sat on the floor in a probably similar position as Spencer was sitting in on the other side. He had caused such a mess and he had no idea what to do to make it better. He had no idea how to fix it. But he needed to do it. He didn’t want to live without Spencer. He had come here to assure his safety, he had heard his voice. Obviously Spencer was alive. He wasn’t okay. But he was physically fine. Why did he push the matter then? He didn’t know.

Who was he kidding? He wasn’t here only to make sure he’s okay. He was here because he wanted to see him, kiss him, hold him in his arms again. But Spencer wanted none of those things. Spencer didn’t want him.

As he sat there, his phone started ringing and he struggled to get it out of his pants. The caller-ID read Garcia and he picked it up immediately. If there was one person that understood him almost as well as Spencer, that was Penelope. “Hey, Garcia.” He said shortly on the phone.

_“Where are you, my Chocolate God?”_

Her voice was soft, not demanding or strong like usual. Derek didn’t know how to answer that question. Hotch had told him last night to give it time, but he defied his advice and went to see Spencer. And at the moment he was sitting in front of Spencer’s door, hoping for some miracle that he will open it eventually. He stayed silent. But sometimes silence spoke more than words and Garcia knew that.

_“You’re at Reid’s door, aren’t you?”_

Again, her voice was soft, with no judgement in her tone, no pity. On one hand, he was glad she understood him so easily. On the other, he felt guilty. He had lied to her for so long about the true nature of his relationship with Spencer, and now here she was being all conversational as if she knew everything from the beginning. Judging from her expression last night, that wasn’t the case. “Yeah,” he simply said.

_“From the sound of your voice, he doesn’t want to see you yet?”_

Derek sighed. He didn’t know if the pain he was feeling was audible, or if Garcia could read him that well. He didn’t really want to talk about the predicament he was currently in, but it was the least he could do after all the lies and the way he treated her yesterday. Maybe if Spencer heard the conversation as well, he would understand why he had been banging on his door for the last twenty minutes. “No, he doesn’t and honestly, I’m all out of options Penelope. I just… I want to make sure he’s okay, but he won’t open the door. He doesn’t want to see me, Garcia. I _need_ to know he’s okay.” He stressed the word, not for Garcia, but for Spencer’s sake. In case he was listening in, he wanted him to know.

_“Oh, my babies. What have I done?”_ Garcia’s voice sounded in his ear, not really giving him the chance to respond before she went on, _“Look, JJ and I were thinking about visiting our favorite doctor tomorrow, make sure he’s eaten and stuff. Maybe I could call you after that and tell you about it? What do you say?”_

“You will really do that for me?” He asked surprised. In their team trust was vital. Especially when it regarded things that did not affect the others. More specifically, when it came to Reid, it was really important to keep things shared to yourself. He had more issues than all of theirs combined and none of them wanted to betray his trust. But this was not about trust. This was about Derek knowing the man he loved was at least physically fine. It was no secret, it was a fact. Sure, he would have to wait a day for his heart to settle back in his chest, but that was definitely sooner than Spencer talking to him.

_“Of course, my love.”_

Derek could clearly hear the smile on her face. And to think that last night he was so mad at her he saw red and now she was helping him out, putting his heart at ease. It was obvious she was blaming herself and he had to make that right. He couldn’t let her think in such way. “Thank you. And Penelope, I’m really sorry about yesterday. I needed someone to blame and I took it out on the wrong person,” He said as he got up and started walking away. Garcia and JJ would come over in a while. There was no reason for him to stay there any longer. Spencer wouldn’t open the door as long as he was outside.

_“Oh, my darling. It wasn’t the wrong person. And it’s okay. I completely understand.”_

“No, it was the wrong person. I’m the one who screwed this up.” That was the only truth he accepted. He had led the woman on and he was now paying the price for purposely misleading her.

_“No, you-”_ Garcia started to say, but Derek didn’t let her finish.

“Don’t fight me on this, Baby Girl,” He interrupted. “I know what I did. I screwed up the best thing in my life and I’m going to get him back. I have to.” He hated how the last three words came out as a whisper. He was not known for showing vulnerability, even though Garcia was one of the few people that knew the existence of this side of him.

_“You are going to get him back. You two are meant to be together and nothing will keep you apart. Not even this.”_

Penelope spoke with confidence he wished he had on the matter, “You don’t know that, Garcia.”

_“I do. I’m the Goddess of all Known and Unknown, remember?”_

She was obviously teasing, but he could hear in her voice the confidence and belief she had on her statement. She believed in him, in them, and that was more than he could ever ask for. “I do, Baby Girl but this-” He started saying, though Garcia didn’t let him.

_“No buts,”_ she said firmly. _“I’m always right, including this time.”_ She left no room for argument. _“I’ll call you later, okay?”_

Derek sighed as he got into his car. He couldn’t win this. “Okay thanks, Baby Girl.”

* * *

Derek didn’t stay long after that. He was aware he would stay there as long as it took until Spencer opened the door, but his phone rang and Spencer could only hear one side of the conversation. When Derek started explaining on the phone why he was there, his heart constricted at the pure need in his voice. There were only two things that filled them with such need for reassurance for the other’s safety. Either when something went down wrong with an unsub, or when they had a nightmare with a tragic ending. It had been a long time since Derek had a nightmare. Last time had been after a case of theirs involving kidnapped children. It had reminded him of his own abuse as a child which had brought the nightmares back. This time, he didn’t know what caused it, he could only speculate since he wasn’t there. But that’s what hurt him the most. That he hadn’t been there for him to wake him up from the torture his mind put him through, that he didn’t get to hold him or kiss the nightmares away. Derek had needed him and he wasn’t there and all he did was yell at him to go away. He closed his eyes, and suddenly he knew what he had to do. He knew it would hurt, but this was for Derek, not for him. Yes, Derek hurt him. Yes, Derek didn’t deserve any favors at the moment. But this was no favor. This was consoling the one he loves.

So Spencer got up off the floor, unlocked the door, and opened it. However, he had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard Derek get up and leave. He didn’t see Derek in front of him. All he saw was his back as he was walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, this happened. It's painful seeing them like that. Hope you liked it, though! Not their pain of course, I mean the chapter.
> 
> -RC


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Happy New Year! 
> 
> New chapter here! And guess what? No Reid and Morgan don't get back together in this one, but our UnSub is introduced.....
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or its characters.
> 
> Enjoy!!!

 

Someone was knocking on his door again. He had been sitting here on his couch contemplating the events that had happened so far, and the day was young yet. Granted, their days in the BAU were never normal. But that was why they all hoped their days off at least would be. It turned out some were, some weren’t. That day obviously belonged in the latter category. Spencer just wanted to be alone, wither away in his misery, but people didn’t seem to want to grant his wish. Derek had been here, banging on his door, obviously in as much pain as he was, if not more. He was conflicted. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do to mend a broken heart. He fell asleep wondering, and now the insistent knocking was taking over the duty of his alarm clock.

He got up and looked through the peephole. The first face he saw was JJ, his best friend other than Derek. He had expected her to show up eventually with questions about Friday night, but the one that was accompanying her… that one he didn’t expect. He opened the door violently and hissed at the unwelcome face, “What are you doing here?” Admittedly, he spoke harshly at the considerably less colorful woman standing outside his door. He didn’t really analyze the probable reason for the lack of colors in Garcia’s outfit. He didn’t care. He was boiling with anger at the woman’s nerve showing her face at his door after everything she had done, after her little plans had ruined everything good for him.

“Spence, we didn’t know.” JJ stepped immediately half in front of the other woman, as if she was shielding her away from Spencer’s venom. She knew him more than anyone. She was fully aware of the fact that words were his weapon, and when wielded right, it could be lethal.

Garcia stepped around JJ, showing her that she was fine. That she didn’t need to protect her from their own friend. Spencer wouldn’t hurt her. And if he did, she would stand her ground. “JJ’s right,” she said, her voice just above a whisper, “We didn’t. Derek never told me anything.” Her heart broke when the mention of her friend’s name made the young doctor’s face harden. “I mean I saw that he was happier than before, but I just assumed…” she trailed off, ashamed to admit the thought that had gone through her mind when she considered what, or more specifically who, could make Derek so happy.

“What?” Spencer spoke harshly again. “That a permanent female presence in his life was responsible for it?” He let go of the door and took a threatening step towards her. “That little Reid could never be a possible factor for his best friend’s sudden happiness?” Penelope was shaking and JJ was staring at him shocked, but he registered none of those things. His anger was focused on the usually too cheerful presence in front of him, the one that when he had last seen, she had plotted to find someone suited for him. “You assumed what Garcia?!” He shouted.

Reid never shouted. There were only a handful of times she had witnessed him lose control, but none of them were of such scale and none of them were directed at her. “I’m… I’m so sorry.” She honestly didn’t know what else to say. Yes, she hadn’t known about his relationship with Derek, but that didn’t give her the right to meddle into his personal life like that and take control of it in such way.  “I-I didn’t, I-” She struggled to find the words. Tears were glistening in her eyes and were now flowing freely down her face, probably smudging her once perfect make-up, but she didn’t care. She had hurt her friend. It was her fault. She never intended to hurt him. Quite the opposite. Boy Wonder had gone through so much in his life, and as a psycho magnet, she knew there were more hardships waiting for him around the corner. She just didn’t want him to go through them alone anymore. “You’re right. It’s all my fault. And I am so sorry. I never meant..”

Spencer stared at her, not really expecting her to take responsibility for everything. It shook off the anger in him and he finally took in the distress that was Penelope Garcia. She was standing in front of him dressed in dull colors, no weird hairdo, no fancy intricate glasses. She was looking at him broken and with tears staining her cheeks. She didn’t deserve that. She was not the one supposed to be crying, not the one supposed to be hurting. Both Spencer and Derek were responsible adults and both of them made their choices. It was their course of action that had gotten them where they were, not hers. He sighed out loud, “No, it’s not Garcia. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I just haven’t been at my best lately, so to speak.”

“We understand.” JJ spoke softly. She had known how hurtful he could be with his words. But when it was directed at one of their friends, it still took her by surprise. She could see the pain in his eyes. The anger was coming off of him in waves that made her dizzy. When he snapped out of whatever spell he had been in, she saw the guilt in his eyes and posture, probably regarding his behavior right now. The young man was hurting. Her motherly instincts kicked in and now all JJ wanted to do was make him feel better. But she knew a broken heart would not be that easy to be put back together. It was probable that she wasn’t the one meant to put it together. Just hold it close until the one that held the glue came and fixed it.

“How are you holding up junior G-Man?” Garcia asked, using that specific nickname hoping to bring a smile, even just a small one, on his face. But it didn’t work. It was as if Spencer was unaffected by her words, like he didn’t even register the nickname. Maybe he didn’t. With what he must be going through at the moment, Garcia couldn’t blame him.

He heard what Garcia said, he heard the nickname that she had associated with him a long time ago. Under other circumstances he would have offered a small smile, or roll his eyes fondly at her. But now, he just couldn’t really do anything. He simply shrugged.

“Spence,” JJ started not really knowing what she wanted to say. She could see her best friend hurting in his eyes, the way he held himself as he let the door open for them and walked inside, sitting on the couch bringing both legs up on it to sit comfortably, but he was anything but. The two women sat one either side of him, wanting Spence to feel their presence. They all knew Spencer hated showing his vulnerability and this time was no different. He had his head down and she couldn’t see those wise eyes, but from what she had seen before, Spence was struggling.

“You can ask, JJ,” he said so softly, that the others almost didn’t hear him.

“What?” JJ asked confused. She was fed up with questions she wanted to ask ever since she found out about Derek and Spencer’s relationship, but she didn’t know how Spencer would know that. She came here prepared to listen to her friend vent, or cry, or whatever else he wanted to do. She didn’t come here with the purpose of getting answers.

“I know you’ve been dying to ask me a specific question and I assume you’ve wanted to do so ever since Hotch told you why I reacted that way Friday night.” He looked her in the eyes after he said that, and the hesitation he saw written on her face confirmed his suspicions. JJ had a lot of questions for him, and he didn’t blame her after all the lies he’s told her the past few months.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She tried to keep the hurt from her voice, but Spencer looked down again in shame, so she obviously didn’t quite manage to do it. She didn’t mean to sound selfish or anything by asking why he didn’t tell her specifically. She could understand that admitting his sexual orientation and his new relationship with a co-worker to the whole team would be terrifying at best for the both of them. She could understand that. But JJ had always considered Spencer her best friend. She shared with him everything. Why didn’t he do the same?

Spencer had been anticipating this question from the moment he realized that Friday night he had unintentionally come out to his team. He had had a couple of days to consider his response, but now the moment came and he was struggling to find the right words. “I… You know Derek. He’s the absolute ladies’ man. I’ve known that ever since I met him. After the Hankel case though, we grew closer and my feelings for him… changed. I knew they would never be reciprocated, but after getting shot in the neck and almost dying again… I just. I couldn’t die without him knowing the truth about my feelings. I couldn’t die knowing I never took a chance.” Spencer looked at JJ pleadingly, urging her to understand. Garcia was rubbing his back in a soothing manner, and somehow that gave him strength to go on with his explanation. “I knew when I went to his house that night I was risking everything. Our friendship, my job, the team itself. But Derek had said that I could talk to him about anything. That no matter what I said nothing would change. That I would always be his…”Spencer choked on the word. What once had been a consolation, now it was a million tiny little paper cuts on his heart. But he continued. Closing his eyes, he said,”… his best friend. And then it happened. _We_ happened and I didn’t know how to handle it. Neither of us did. We took it step by step. At first, we had agreed that we would keep us a secret for now. Forty-eight days later, Derek came to my place and told me he thought it was time to tell the team. I panicked. I immediately refused and he… that was our first fight. I just couldn’t do it, JJ. When you have something yours that makes you happy, you want to hold it close for as long as possible. I wasn’t ready to share him yet, to share us. I didn’t know what we even were yet.” At their confused looks, he explained, “I knew we were in a relationship, but what kind? Were we serious? A fling? An open relationship? What? We travel a lot and meet new people constantly. What if he met someone else and left me? What if I was just another conquest? What if I was just another experiment? Though looking back now, I wasn’t that far off…” Spencer whispered the last sentence, but they both heard him.

“Don’t you say that!” Garcia scolded him, smacking his arm. She had seen how broken Derek had been Friday night. She had heard it in his voice yesterday. She knew Spencer was not an experiment for Derek. He was no conquest. He was the real thing. What they had was the real thing. Reid had to know that.

“Why?” Reid asked, rubbing his face with both of his hands. The two women had come here not more than twenty minutes ago, but he was already exhausted.

“Penelope-” JJ warned, seeing that Garcia wouldn’t let it go. She was ready to say more and something told her she was going to say things Spence wasn’t ready to hear.

“Because Derek loves you!” Garcia blurted out, not being able to keep the truth in any longer. She knew he probably didn’t want to hear this, but she needed to say it. He needed to know!

“Don’t.” Spencer croaked, the four words getting stuck in his mind, bringing back memories he didn’t want to remember right now. Derek didn’t love him. Not really. Or else he wouldn’t have kissed that woman, would he? Or maybe he did love him and that simply wasn’t enough. Whichever the case was, those words were the thorn on a rose he randomly picked up in a beautiful garden. It just caused a small nick on his finger. But it hurt way more for a simple wound.

“He didn’t kiss that woman!” She insisted, trying to lock eyes with Spencer so that he could see she was telling the truth.

Spencer froze. He knew Derek would have used this excuse. If he had let him speak that night, he was sure he would have said it to try and get out of this hole he had dug for himself. But he couldn’t believe Garcia was using that same lame excuse on his behalf. He couldn’t believe Garcia was actually defending him. But who was he kidding really? Garcia and Derek were best friends, of course she wouldn’t blame him. Of course she wouldn’t say he was the one that made a mistake. Even when she came in here, she didn’t blame him. She blamed herself. But Spencer blamed the couple and no one else. Derek had kissed someone else and Spencer hadn’t been enough so that Derek wouldn’t want to do that. Maybe the secrecy was too much for him. He couldn’t blame him for that. No one likes to be a secret. But no one likes it when someone doesn’t take responsibility for his actions either. “Garcia, don’t.” He warned her to stop defending him.

“ _She_ kissed _him_!”

“Garcia.” His tone was clipped. He was obviously trying to control himself, trying to make her stop talking, trying to make her see she wasn’t helping.

“I saw it with my own eyes!”

“Stop. Please.” He pleaded. He didn’t want to hear it. He was there. He witnessed everything. He knew what Derek had done.

“Pen” JJ tried to interfere, but Garcia wasn’t having it.

“He _pushed_ her away!” she almost shouted.

“That’s enough!” Spencer exploded, getting up from his spot on the couch and turning to face the two women. He had never shouted that loudly at someone. Not even when Derek sometimes got his blood boiling with anger or a case was just too hard to solve, he had never shouted like that. Both of the women froze at the tone, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. “I don’t need you to tell me what happened! I was there, remember?! I was right there! I saw everything and I can never forget it! So don’t tell me what he did and didn’t do! I already know.” He uttered the last sentence brokenly, his flailing arms settling limp on his sides. Sometimes Spencer wondered why of all people on this planet, he was the one with the eidetic memory.

“Spence,” JJ said carefully, “you know that when something hard to accept happens to someone, the brain might alter the memory.” What she said was a fact. The brain was a wonderful thing neurologically and psychologically and Spence was perfectly aware of that. JJ didn’t think he would accept what they were saying right away. She only gave him something to think about.

JJ was right, but his brain didn’t do that, right? His memories didn’t need to be altered. He had gone through a lot of hardships in his life, and his brain had altered none. So why would it start now? Deep inside he knew the answer. He knew that he was like a building. A building can be destroyed after an earthquake as intense as 4 Richter, which in the Richter scale is not particularly high, and that’s because it has endured earthquakes of 9 and 10 Richter. Everything has their breaking point and considering their experience, it doesn’t always have to be life-shattering, even though the outcome is. He didn’t stay any longer on that train of thought. He was convinced his brain had no reason to change his memory. He could deal with everything just fine, just like he had done for so long, just like he did yesterday when Derek left. “I saw him yesterday.”

“What?” Garcia asked confused. Why hadn’t Derek mentioned that? Maybe it happened after they got off the phone. “He didn’t say that.”

“Garcia!” JJ almost scolded her. She had told her not to mention anything to Spencer about her talk with Derek. She didn’t know how he would react to that.

“It’s okay, JJ,” Spencer said surprisingly calm. “I don’t expect you to stop talking to him and I don’t want you to.” He gulped first, before he continued talking. He looked at his hands playing with his fingers trying to take away the importance of the matter, “I saw him walk away. He was out in the hallway for what must have been hours. I could hear the pain in his voice, the need to see me, but I wasn’t ready to face him yet. I told him to leave many times, but he didn’t. And then I heard him talking to you,” he looked at Garcia. “When one of us had a terrifying nightmare after a case, we always went to the other’s place to make sure they’re alive. That they are not in any danger. Hearing his side of the conversation, I realized he must have had one to be so persistent. And I know how much a nightmare like that can hurt, how it can take your sleep away for many nights after. So, I opened the door, but whatever you told him, must have made him even a little bit better, because he was leaving and he didn’t even hear the door open.”

Garcia replied, understanding which part of the conversation made Derek calmer. “I promised him I would tell him how you are after I visited.”

“Pen-” JJ shook her head ready to say that was not a good idea, but Spence stopped her.

“It’s fine. You can tell him. I don’t mind.” That was a partial lie. On one hand, he did mind. Derek cheated and a part of Spencer didn’t think he had the right to ask about him. Part of Spencer thought he didn’t deserve to know anything about him, that he had no right to care anymore. One the other hand, a bigger part of him, the dominant one, was the one that loved him still. And even though he couldn’t be there to take his pain away, he could help soothe it even from afar. Spencer chuckled at his conflicted emotions. “I can’t believe that after all this, I still want to help him. I still want him to be okay and happy. I don’t want him to be experiencing any kind of pain. Isn’t that… abnormal?”

“What do you mean?”

“People are usually angry when they break up and the people we face will sometimes go to great lengths to hurt them.” Spencer said, looking at them.

“I’m going to stop you right there. Spence you are _nothing_ like the people we face. You have very strong feelings for Derek and it’s completely understandable that you feel that way. You…” JJ paused, hesitating to speak up her conclusion. “You love him.”

Spencer closed his eyes at that. He does love him. After everything that’s happened, the bad hasn’t completely outweighed the good and his heart hasn’t changed. He doesn’t know if his feelings can change. There are times when he wants them to, so that he can get this anger, this, this anguish off his chest. But he cannot lose this feeling he has never felt before. He cannot lose this part of him, Derek’s part. He doesn’t want to. “I do.”

“Okay.” Garcia said somewhat relieved, moving in her seat. “Enough. That’s enough sadness for a day. How about we order some take-out and watch some Doctor Who?” She said cheerfully looking at them both with a smile.

“I don’t have an appetite, thank you tho-” Spencer started to say, but Garcia interrupted with a “Nonsense! You’re going to eat even if I have to force- feed you. Maybe we can pretend the spoon’s a plane like JJ used to do with Henry…” She said in a contemplating tone.

“I still do it sometimes…” JJ corrected with a smirk.

Spencer raised his hands in mock defense from the playful ladies as he said, “No, no, no, no! I’ll be perfectly fine on my own, thank you!”  

“Great! Is Chinese okay with everyone?!”

Granted, they weren’t many, but Garcia’s uplifting spirit put a smile to their faces and made Spencer forget even just for a while. When he woke up this morning, all he wanted was to hide away from to world and drown in his misery. Now, he was glad he had opened that door. Some time away from reality and the current events proved to be just what he needed.

* * *

 

Somewhere in Kentucky a young man was looking expectantly at the clock in his room. “Where are you? Why aren’t you here yet?” He got up from his chair and started pacing the room. His father was supposed to be home weeks ago. But he wasn’t. Had something happened to him? If so, why hasn’t anyone notified him? No, no, no. His father was perfectly able to take care of himself.

Maybe he had watched the news. Maybe he was disappointed. “No, he’s not. He can’t be. I only did what he’s always wanted me to do.” Maybe that’s just not enough. Where is he? “We’re a family dad, aren’t we?” That’s what he had said to him before he was sent to prison. _We’re a team, son. We’re a family. Don’t you ever forget that, okay?,_ he had said. “I haven’t forgotten dad. Have you?”

Maybe he needs more proof that he hasn’t changed, that they’re still a team. Maybe the news hasn’t gotten to him yet. If it hasn’t, he knew the perfect way for it to. He would apply his father’s knowledge one last time before he gave up waiting for him.

One last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happened. I know, not a lot to know about the UnSub, but I think the next chapter will be more informative on that front. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Hope you liked it!


	9. Chapter 9

Monday morning Spencer got out of bed quite unwillingly. He had spent last night with JJ and Garcia. They had started with an intense conversation, during which Spencer explained his current situation to them and then they spent the rest of the day together watching Doctor Who and talking about silly things, while at the same time the women made sure Spencer ate all of his food. They knew he usually forgot about eating and they were aware of the toll the situation with Derek had taken on him. If they had left him to his own devices, he would have starved at some point. The women left eventually. They both had to go back to their lives; JJ had to go back to Will and Henry and Garcia had to speak to Derek no doubt. He didn’t mind. Or at least that’s what he kept repeating to himself. He said it again and again; Derek was hurting and Spencer didn’t want that. That was the only thing he knew for sure; he wanted Derek to be happy.

But would he be happy seeing him at work today? Could he handle that? He could barely handle him being on his hallway with no visual contact, how was he supposed to see him and work around him? There was no solution to it. He had to go. He couldn’t let his personal life get in the way. He knew the risks when he entered the relationship with Derek and now he had to face them head on. He needed to be professional about it. If eventually things get too much to handle, he was sure Hotch will be the first to offer him some time off, or probably order him to take it.

So he got out of bed and set on his routine before he got involved with Derek. It was comforting doing things in a familiar order. It helped put his churning stomach at ease for a while. Especially after two cups of coffee, he was grabbing his keys and bag from the couch and getting out of the apartment while locking the door behind him. Twenty minutes later, he was at the Quantico FBI headquarters ready to get into the elevator when a voice behind him interrupted him. “Hold it, please!” He turned around and saw Hotch rushing to catch the elevator. He stepped in and put his hand on the door until Hotch ran in and with a nod to Spencer he pushed the button to their floor.

“Morning,” Hotch mumbled, already with a case’s file in his hands.

Spencer’s body stiffened the moment Hotch walked in the tight space. He tried to keep his body language neutral, keeping his anxiety in. The last thing he wanted was for Hotch to send him home before they even started working. He was so focused on not letting Hotch read him, that he was surprised by his greeting. “Uh… good morning, Hotch.” He stole a glimpse at him and saw him looking at the file, but he knew his senses were astute.

“How are you?” He asked in a soft voice after a moment of awkward silence. He could imagine how he was emotionally, that’s why he knew the toll it could take on you and how it could mess up with the job. Reid’s mind was brilliant, but it would be no use to have him around if all he was going to be was distracted. He cared for him as a friend and as his boss and if he needed some time off, he was there to give it to him.

Spencer understood the underlying question. _“Will you be able to work?”_  He thought he will. He had come here determined to not let his personal life in the way. After all, if he had stayed at home, he would have driven himself crazy with all kinds of thoughts clouding his mind. No, he needed this. He needed to work. “I-I’m fine,” he slightly stuttered.

“Good.” The little ting sound informed them they arrived to their destination and Hotch was the first to go out. He greeted everyone on the way to his office, but he didn’t hear Reid say anything.

As he walked inside the bullpen, Spencer dreaded seeing his co-workers. He didn’t want them to treat him any differently that before. Things would be awkward enough already as it is, but the thing is he didn’t know how to act around them either. He saw that Derek was already there talking to Alex, though he was not as lively as usual. His mood was dampened, the smile didn’t reach his eyes and the flirting was down many notches. As he walked in, their eyes locked and Spencer almost lost his footing. Instead he looked away, and waved at everyone not knowing what to say, pressing his lips in a tight line giving them the best form of a smile he could give them at the moment.

“Hello, Reid,” Alex said.

Reid turned around to look at her, “Uh, hi.”

“How are you?” She could see he wasn’t okay. She couldn’t really explain it, but something had happened. She wasn’t asking for him to tell him right here, right now, she only wanted to make sure he is okay. He reminded her so much of Ethan even though in reality they were nothing alike, and that made her want to protect him.

“Uh…” Reid looked at Derek momentarily, who wasn’t looking at him and he realized working wouldn’t be as easy as he thought it’d be. “Uh, fine. Excuse me, I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want some?” He got up to go to the break room. He needed to put some space between him and everyone, get the chance to get himself together.

“No, I’m good.” Alex watched as Spencer walked away and was ready to ask Derek if he knew anything when he said, “I think I’m going to get some more coffee. Be right back.” He didn’t wait for her to respond. He was halfway to the break room before she even registered his sentence. Now that she was thinking about it, Spencer didn’t ask Derek if he wanted any coffee and Derek didn’t greet him like he usually did. Coupled with the fact that Derek just rushed after him, she concluded that something was up with those two.

* * *

Derek walked fast to the break room, and when he reached it, he stopped at the door without making a sound. He saw Spencer leaning against the counter taking deep breaths as if he was trying to calm himself down. He couldn’t see his face, just his back. He was so close, and yet so far. He wished he could say, do something to make it better. Seeing him right now gave a warmth to his chest, it made his heart beat faster just because he was around. He couldn’t believe he had sabotaged the best thing he had in his life. But it happened. Right now they were alone. Maybe it was a chance to fix this. He knocked on the door twice to announce his presence and Spencer straightened up, looking over his shoulder to see the newcomer.

Spencer saw Derek standing there at the door, sort of hesitating to come in but with a determined look in his eyes. He reached for the coffeepot and a mug just to have something to do until Derek makes his next move. When he realized he was still standing there even after more than a minute had passed, he asked “What are you doing here?” He hated how cold that came out. He hadn’t realized the amount of anger and hurt he was holding back against the other man, not until he had to speak to him face to face. Derek had broken his heart and Spencer hadn’t forgiven him for that yet.

The cold tone was like an icepick driven through his heart, but he hadn’t expected anything less. He had made a huge mistake. He could understand Spencer’s treatment. But he still needed to try and make things right. So, he took a breath and said, “I’m here to explain, pretty boy.”

Spencer froze. He knew Derek well enough that he would attempt to have a conversation with him, to talk things out about Friday night. He could be very stubborn when he needed to be. However, that didn’t mean he was ready for that conversation to take place, especially here. “What is there to explain?” He asked as calmly as he could. “I saw everything I needed to see.”

“No you didn’t!” Derek raised his voice in frustration. He knew Spencer didn’t want to hear this, but he had to say it.

Spencer closed his eyes, his mind going back to that moment where his whole world was demolished, “You closed your eyes Derek,” he almost whispered.

Derek was ready to prove him wrong again, when Spencer’s sentence took him by surprise. ”I-Uh- What?” He blinked looking still at Spencer’s back.

Spencer turned around to look at him and tried hard to keep the tears from coming. “You closed your eyes.” At Derek’s still puzzled look, he clarified, “While kissing her, you closed your eyes.”

Derek looked at him surprised that he remembered such detail. But it was Spencer. Of course he remembered. The problem was Derek barely did. All he remembered was the feeling afterwards, the feeling of falling into the abyss, of falling into the darkness alone as he saw Spencer walk away. “It was a physical reaction, man.” He stepped closer and saw Spencer’s hands tighten on the countertop he was gripping. “I swear it didn’t mean anything pretty boy.” He walked even closer, standing just a small step away from him.

Reid closed his eyes at the nickname. It hurt hearing that now. It was like a little stab of a needle. The one that didn’t really harm you, but you still dreaded the sight of it, in this case the sound. “Don’t call me that.” Derek’s close proximity wasn’t really helping. He felt the warmth his body was radiating and it made his own remember how it felt against his skin. It brought feelings he didn’t want to deal with now.

Derek gulped. “Fine.” Another stab to his chest. Another thing he ruined. He had started calling Reid that long before they got together and now he couldn’t anymore.  “It didn’t mean anything, Spencer.” He tried again. “I didn’t enjoy it. She just caught me by surprise. I swear. I didn’t kiss her back. Once I realized what was happening, I pushed her off, I swear.”

Reid looked up at him when he said that. Penelope had told him the same and JJ never corrected her, so he must assume she agreed. Is that what really happened? Did Derek push her off? That’s not what he remembered. He looked in his eyes and he couldn’t detect a lie in them. He needed to think. Even if that was the case… he didn’t know. He couldn’t forgive him yet.

Derek saw him thinking, looking into his eyes searching for the truth. He couldn’t help but hope he would see he wasn’t lying and maybe he would start talking to him again. He wasn’t fooling himself with daydreams of Spencer wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him senseless. No, they needed time to heal. But first, Spencer needed to believe him. “You have to believe me, man.”

They kept on looking at each other. Spencer was trying to remember if that was really the way it happened. He wanted to believe Derek. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t ready yet. Derek was looking back at him begging him with those brown eyes to understand that he was saying the truth. He was hoping for a chance. He was hoping for a new beginning.

Their moment was interrupted though by a knock on the door. They both jumped at the sound. It seemed as if they had forgotten where they were. “Sorry my darlings,” Garcia smiled apologetically. “We’ve got a case.”

That meant their moment was over and it was time for their professionalism to take the front. They will have time to talk about this. Derek was not about to give up. “This is not over,” he said before he left the room following Garcia.

Spencer didn’t know if Derek was referring to their talk or their relationship. Maybe both. Maybe neither. Anyway, it was time to lock his thoughts to the back of his mind. There was an UnSub that needed to get caught.

* * *

Spencer was the last one to walk into the conference room. When he got there, Garcia was already standing by the board ready to start with her presentation. Reid took his seat between JJ and Rossi, and scanned the file in front of him quickly as Garcia started explaining their case.

“Yesterday a body was found in an alley in Ironville in Kentucky. His name was Michael Lenning, 32 years old. Local police found his ID on him. It looks like he was beaten to death. They don’t know if any weapons were used yet.” Garcia said looking horrified, pressing the right buttons on the control to bring up the right photos of the crime scene and the victim.

“Beaten to death?” Derek asked. The work done on the victim was brutal. The bruises were countless and cuts marked almost every inch of his body visible from the clothing. The face was swollen and barely recognizable as human. He had seen a lot of unpleasant things in this room. But thinking that this could have been done with someone’s bare hands made them some of the worst photos yet.

“Yes, and unfortunately there were three more before him.”

“Why are they calling us in now?” Derek asked baffled. With such a violent killer, they should have called them the moment they thought they had a serial killer in their midst.

“They didn’t think it was a serial. The first victim was found twenty-nine days ago in Ashland, Kentucky, dumped on the side of a non-commercial road. His name was John Giling, 21 years old. The second, Hector Faraday, 57 years old, was found in Coal Grove in Ohio next to a dumpster.”

“He crossed state lines,” Hotch noticed. That must have been what made it difficult for the police to tie the murders to one person.

Garcia nodded and continued, “And then he came back to Kentucky, in Naples. He killed Alexa Sally two weeks ago. She was 24 years old. Which brings us to the last victim.” Garcia concluded and leaned on the table. She had seen some horrible pictures in this case file. She would need to look at a lot of puppies and kittens and adorable baby videos until she got well again.

“The first one was a basketball player, the other a lawyer, the next one a chef and the last one a scientist. One female, one black man, the others Caucasian. They practically have nothing in common.” Reid observed. It was a weird selection. Victimology was not going to be that easy to be explained.

“They must have something that appealed to the UnSub. We just don’t know it yet.” Hotch said, contemplating the details in his mind, all the while looking over the past autopsies reports.

“And we need to find it soon,” Rossi added.

“Alright,” Hotch said collecting his papers. “Wheels up in thirty.”

Everyone got up and left to their desks to get their go-bag. This case had caught everyone’s interest. They all knew anger was an emotion hard to control, which meant they needed to catch this UnSub before they devolve and add way more bodies to their list.

“So what happened between Reid and Morgan?” Hotch was walking to his office when Alex appeared next to him. He looked at her and she had a knowing look in her eyes. She was suspecting something, but she was looking for confirmation. Unfortunately, he couldn’t give it to her. “Sorry. It’s not my story to tell.”

Alex  nodded and she didn’t pry. Maybe if they got the chance, Spencer will talk to her if he needs her.

* * *

_“Another victim was found earlier this morning in Kentucky. This time the body was dumped in an alley at Georgetown. We were told that so far the police have no leads. As soon as they do, they will give the information out to the public. Legitimate source says the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI was called in to consult on the case. We hope to have news very soon.”_

_“Amy, why was the FBI contacted? Can’t the local police figure it out on their own? Do you think they’re out of their depth?...”_

“You see that?” the young man said to the unconscious body behind him as he was watching TV hanging onto the reporter’s every word. “They’re coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the case is introduced... Hope you liked it! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Btw, did you see the latest episode of Criminal Minds?! I totally teared up at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

In less than thirty minutes, the whole team was boarded on the plane. After they took their seats, they had some time to read the file so that they could discuss the case and find out who they were dealing with. When the light of the seatbelt was switched off, Reid got up to get some coffee. He had already read the file in the conference room, so now he had to wait for the others to finish. He settled on the couch, while Hotch remained standing and the rest were seated around the table by the window.

“Okay, let’s see what we’ve got,” Hotch said when he saw that everyone was done reading. Once the cyber-call to Garcia was connected and her face was brought on the screen followed by her greeting, “Hello my lovelies,” which Hotch promptly ignored, they looked at the crime scene photos trying to make sense of the mess they were looking at.

“The UnSub is probably male. No woman would be physically strong enough to make that kind of damage in four days,” JJ started. It was alarming that such pain was inflicted upon one person. Once, she would have shied away from such pictures. She had seen enough as a liaison for the team, but being a profiler changed her perspective.

“You’re probably right. In fact more than 80 percent of serial killers are male Caucasian and in their 20s and 30s,” Reid stated. “Serial killers are generally intelligent and they usually kill Caucasian women. However, this UnSub shows an indifference towards gender, race and ethnicities.” He revised the pictures in his mind, and he saw that the killer’s victimology was all over the place. He killed both male and female, both black and white, Asian and American.

“He is not targeting a specific type. So why these victims? They must share something that appeals to him,” Rossi wondered.

“There’s nothing on the surface. There is no sexual component in the crimes and there aren’t any similar traits between the victims,” Reid observed. The victims looked nothing alike. The female was a redhead, two of the males had dark hair and the other one blond. Their features weren’t similar at all. They were lucky they had already been ID-ed, because if all they had were the crime scene photos, the only thing they would be able to tell would be their hair color.

“Garcia, can you run a full background check on all the victims, see if they have similar lifestyles culturally or financially?” Hotch asked the blond technician. They needed to find what they had in common and Garcia right now was the one with the required skills.

“Sure thing,” she said as she scribbled his request on a bright pink post-it. “Anything else, sir?”

“Yes, do you have the ME’s report?”

“Just a second.” She typed super-fast something on her computers and not even a second later she had the information on her screen. “Yes, I do.”

“Is there anything unusual in the toxicology report?” Hotch asked, wondering if he ingested the victims with anything or if the beating was the only abuse.

“Let me see –Oh, no. They found rohypnol in all of the victims’ system.”

“The date-rape drug,” Morgan clarified with a shrug.

“So, this UnSub surprised them somehow, possibly a blitz attack, and drugged them to transport them. He definitely needs his privacy for such extensive abuse. But if he hits them with his bare hands and causes this much damage, that means he’s physically strong. Probably average built,” Alex voiced her thoughts after studying the pictures.

“What’s you point?” Hotch looked at her questioningly.

“Why both surprise them and drug them? Why not just knock them out cold and abduct them?”

“Maybe he is not as strong as he has led us to believe. Maybe he uses the drug to weaken them, to not fight back or break free while he holds them.” Morgan answered her.

“Okay, JJ and Alex, go to the Medical Examiner, see if he found whether a weapon was used. Morgan and Rossi will go to the crime scene and Reid and I will set up in the police department. Reid will create a geological profile and we’re going to interview the families when you guys get back.” Hotch gave out his orders and they all sat back on their seats for the little time they had left until they landed.

 

* * *

 

Hotch and Reid arrived at the department a few minutes after the plane landed. They were met outside with the department’s captain. He was of average height; shorter than both Hotch and Reid, with greying hair and a simple figure. He lacked the usual beer belly you saw in police officers these days. “Captain Metts. I am SSA Aaron Hotchner and this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” Hotch made the introduction offering his hand in a greeting while Reid waved.

“Nice to meet you.” The Captain shook his hand and nodded at the other agent. “How was your flight?” He offered a small smile, but the grim look on his face expressed his real emotions. He didn’t mind the FBI’s presence, he just didn’t like the reason they were here for. Ironville was used in crimes such as petty thefts and larceny, but not murder.

“Good. Thank you,” Hotch replied politely. “Where can we set up?”

“In the conference room. Here, let me show you,” Captain Metts said and started walking towards the room, at the same time giving them a tour of the department showing them the main utilities they’d need, the restroom and the coffee maker.

“Where are the families of the victims?” Hotch asked once they got in the room and were out of earshot from the rest of the officers.

Captain Metts shrugged, “We interviewed them yesterday and let them go home. Nothing good came out of it. They were all loved by their peers, all successful in their jobs.”

“Can you call them here for me? We’d like to speak to them again if you don’t mind.” He didn’t want to insult their job, but these officers didn’t look for what they did. They couldn’t tell as easily if the person being interviewed was lying or was holding something back. And especially in this case that they had practically nothing to start with or no way to understand how these victims were chosen, they needed to know everything.

“Alright,” he nodded. “Anything you need. I’ll go do that now.” The Captain went to his office, leaving the two agents to their own devices.

“Thank you,” Hotch said. The Captain went to his office, leaving the two agents alone.

Reid was silent all this time, not really one up for socializing. When the captain left, he walked to the board informing Hotch about what he was going to start with, “I’m going to start the geographical profile.” He left his satchel on a chair, grabbed a file from the box tagged ‘John Giling’, and got to work.

Hotch nodded and went to find some coffee before he settled on the table to read all of the officers’ findings for all of the victims.

 

* * *

 

The room was dark. There was light out, but all the widows were shut, all curtains were drawn, making the figures in the room barely visible. The young man was leaning against the wall, watching the figure loosely tied on the chair sleeping. If he had timed it correctly, the figure on the chair would be waking up any moment now. And he was right. Not even a minute later, the figure stirred, making his shadowed shoulder reach the strip of light that sneaked in through the closed blinds. A gasp of air and the sound of movement filled the room. The aura changed. It got tense. The figure reeked of confusion.

The young man leaned off of the wall and walked closer to the chair. The figure froze, obviously scared and fearful. He let his jaw be hit by light, only his lips and teeth visible, the rest of him buried in the shadow of the day. “You’re awake,” he remarked. “Good. I’ve got some questions for you.”

 

* * *

 

Rossi and Morgan took almost half an hour to reach the crime scene. Morgan was driving, and he just wished those cars in front of them would move faster.

“How are you?” Rossi asked.

“What do you mean?” Morgan was dreading the questions his co-workers were going to ask. What they witnessed Friday night was more than they had witnessed about his personal life the whole year. He is a very private person and he’d like to keep it like that. Though them having questions and being worried about his mental state was understandable and he was trying his best to endure it.

Rossi looked at him. He saw his hands tighten their grip of the wheel and he was avoiding eye contact. “I mean Friday night was eventful and now you are being called to work and be professional during it. How are you handling that?”

“It’s too early to say. But I can deal with it,” Morgan insisted. The question was pretty vague and he was thankful for that, but something told him there would be more.

“May I ask you a question?” Rossi knew Morgan could handle it. Both he and Reid could be professional when the occasion asked for it. He had heard things about Reid’s addiction and he hoped this wasn’t a step back for him. For the little he had seen him today, that didn’t seem to be the case. He wondered if Morgan was worried about the same thing. He was so protective of the kid, that he could lose his temper if anything bad happened to him.

“As long as answering is not mandatory.” Morgan let him know in his own way that Rossi could ask whatever he wanted. That didn’t mean he would answer though.

Rossi thought that was as good as he was going to get. “Why didn’t you tell anyone in the team?”

Morgan sighed. He had been thinking of that. Reid was the one that didn’t want to share the news with the team and they had fought about it extensively. Derek didn’t want to be a secret. He wanted to be able to tell people he’s in love with Reid. He wanted to be able to touch him as a lover, not a friend. He wanted to be able to act possessive when someone got all over Reid. But Spencer always brought lame excuses to the table. Derek saw that he was adamant about it, and assumed there was a bigger reason behind it, so he always let it go. But now he wondered, what was that reason? Should he have pushed Reid to tell him? Or was letting it go the right choice? Seeming that letting it go brought him to today, it doesn’t really look like the right thing to have done. “Trust me Rossi, I ask myself that question everyday man,” Derek shook his head. “I don’t have an answer yet.”

Rossi just nodded. Morgan obviously wasn’t the one who wanted them to be a secret. Obviously there was more to the story, but it wasn’t any of his business to ask. So he just shook his head and stayed silent for the rest of the way to the crime scene.

About twenty minutes later they arrived at their destination. The alley was closed off to the public, so they had to park the SUV among the other police cars. The agents got off the car and walked to the crime scene, meanwhile taking notes of their surroundings to store in their minds for later conclusion.

The alleyway was nothing remarkable. Any other person would have seen nothing at all, other than gray walls, a couple of full dumpsters and the bad smell coming from them. However the BAU agents were not other people. They saw a secluded area that gave the UnSub the ability to drop the body with no witnesses. He may have even thought that it would take days for it to be even found. They saw an alley that was pretty narrow, which meant that if the UnSub drove a truck or a van, he would have had to park on the street and risk being seen. So he probably drove a sedan.

“This alleyway is too narrow. If he drove a van, there’s no way he could fit it in here,” Rossi voiced his thoughts.

“That’s what I was thinking. And someone would have seen him if he parked on the street,” Morgan said.

“But there were no witnesses.” None of the murders had a witness. “So he was driving a sedan.”

“Probably,” Morgan agreed. They were reaching the main crime scene. They could see the officers surrounding it and the forensic team gathering evidence, though from what they could make out there wasn’t enough.

“You must be the FBI people,” the attending officer said. “I’m Detective Rylings. I know we called you in late, so thank you for coming so fast.” The man was in his late thirties with blond hair and brown eyes and a lean body. He was quite handsome one would say. He offered his hand to greet them as they got closer.

Morgan shook his hand, “I’m agent Morgan and this is agent Rossi. You mind if we take a look?” he said, ignoring the Detective’s statement about them calling the BAU team late. He was right. They called them late and that was their mistake. He only hoped that won’t mean more fatalities than necessary.

“Knock yourselves out. Though, I can tell you, there was not enough evidence found. No hair, no fibers, no traces of DNA.” He stood on the side, while the two agents moved around, trying to get into the UnSub’s head.

“So, let’s say I’m the UnSub,” Morgan started. “I have killed my last victim and I need a place to dispose the body.”

“You drive here in your sedan, probably have the body in the trunk, you park the car and dump the body,” Rossi continued for him, while Morgan retraced the UnSub’s steps around the crime scene.

“I don’t cover the body. I just leave it there by the dumpster for everyone to see and leave. Why? Why don’t I cover the body?” Morgan asked walking towards the dumpster, kneeling by it, watching the so open but still concealed location.

“You want the body to be found,” Rossi concluded.

Morgan looked up at him and asked “Then why not dropping it to a commercial site where I would be positive it would be found immediately? Why here?”

Rossi thought about it. Morgan was right. There were other places to drop the body if you needed it found. Unless... “He didn’t want it found immediately. He needed time for some reason between him dropping the body and the police finding it.”

“He needs time to find his next victim,” Morgan understood where Rossi was going with this and got up.

“Detective!” Rossi called out to the man who had walked a bit far off talking to an officer. When he heard him, he sent the man away and went to the agents. “How many of your men are out there right now?” Rossi asked, meaning how many of his men were out in the city.

Rylings didn’t hesitate to reply. “All of them. We’re canvassing the city for witnesses.”

“That’s it. He doesn’t want the police chasing him while he’s on his way to get his next victim. He can’t risk getting caught. He must be local,” Rossi said, glad to finally understand some of this UnSub’s intentions.

“Or at least his next victim is,” Morgan added warily.

Rossi held the pictures in his hands and looked at them. He looked at the crime scene again and noticed something, “The bodies are not posed. It looks as though he just dumped them and left.”

Morgan shrug, “He doesn’t feel remorse. He believes they deserved what they got.”

“Probably,” Rossi agreed. “But where is the signature? Every killer has one.”

“What’s that?” an officer nearby couldn’t help but ask.

He was young. He looked as if he was just a couple years out of the academy. It was understandable that he didn’t know what a signature is. So, Rossi took it on him to reply. “A signature is a ritual, something the UnSub does intentionally for emotional satisfaction – something that isn’t necessary to perpetuate the crime.”

The officer just nodded and said, “maybe the beating he gives them is his signature.”

Morgan shook his head, “Usually the beating is a form of torture. It might give pleasure to the UnSub, but that doesn’t mean it’s the necessary link between those murders. You see, the signature is unique to every killer. It’s what ties those specific victims to him and not someone else.”

“What if he doesn’t have a signature?” the young officer wondered.

“Most of them do. They’re like artists. They need to sign and claim their work,” Rossi replied.

“Yeah, but what if he’s not most of them?” the officer insisted.

“Then we have a problem,” Derek said frowning. If this guy doesn’t have a signature and also not a specific type of victims then there was no way to prove there was a case at all. No prosecutor would go for it. They would explain it as a spike in criminality and would leave it at that. If that happened, then a serial killer would be getting away with murder and there’d be no way of ever finding him. Not until he changed his MO, which even then, it would be next to impossible to charge him with murders there’s no evidence he committed.

“Let’s go back to the precinct. We got everything we could from here,” Rossi suggested with a sour expression on his face, and the two agents got back into the SUV and drove to their destination.

 

* * *

 

He was waiting in the dark again. His guest had fallen asleep on the chair. He didn’t blame him. He had come on too strong before, exhausted his guest a little too fast, had gotten things a little too far. He let him rest. He needed it for what was coming next. What he did before, didn’t matter. It was only a way of acquainting one with the other, nothing more. The important part was coming up shortly. At least, the beginning of it.

He spread the blinds with his fingers and saw it was still light outside. It was a peaceful neighborhood the one he was living in. No one really wanted to live near a prison, no one felt safe around it. So, it was mostly single people or families that needed to get away from the city. He could as well be the only one here voluntarily. He wanted to live here. He needed to be close to his dad. Thoughts about his dad made the hurt and worry crawl back under his skin. He closed his eyes at the onslaught of those negative feelings and closed his hand into a tight fist. When was his dad coming home? He needed to come home. Soon.

It was time for his guest to awake. He grabbed a glass of cold water and walked to the chair, roughly grabbing the man’s head and throwing the water on his face. The man spluttered and shook his head, obviously awakened by the water’s temperature. He looked around, but droplets were blocking his vision. “Here,” the young man offered his sleeve and wiped the man’s face. Now that he could see those green eyes clearly, he smiled tentatively at his guest, greeting him in a polite manner. Well, as polite as the situation could allow. “Hello, Jeremy.”

The guest called Jeremy, coiled away at the sound of his captor’s voice. He pushed himself as far back as he could in the chair without toppling over, but it wasn’t far enough. “Who are you?” He dared to ask. He had asked that the last time he was awake, but he had gotten vague answers, like just another citizen, or nobody important. “How do you know my name?” He asked carefully. Last time he asked him a question he didn’t want to answer, the unconsciousness engulfed him. He didn’t want the darkness to come here again.

At it with the questions again. The young man had to admit; this one was persistent. “You are an instrument of the law, aren’t you?” The guest didn’t reply, but his dark blue uniform betrayed what he did for a living. “As a model citizen, I’d like to get to know the people protecting me better.” He let go of his head, and walked a few steps away turning his back to him. The guy was a cop; he was bound to try to escape at some point, but he needed to know that was not going to happen. The young man was not afraid of him.

“I’m pretty sure you don’t have to kidnap me for that.” He should have kept his mouth shut. He should have. He knew that. But his training told him to build rapport with the offender and talking was the way to do that.

“You’re right.” He turned around and looked at him, his bloodied lip, his bruised jaw, his messed up hair. He had sung like a bird before. It was his job to make sure that didn’t happen again. “I don’t.” He pulled his fist back and let it go with great force, feeling his blood pumping faster inside his veins at the sound of the impact his fist had on his face.

He never saw the punch coming this time. The man had pulled himself in the darkness again, and it was all he could do to not react to the pain. He kept hitting the same side of his face with force, but not enough to break his jaw. He knew the questions were about to start again. And he was right.

“Now, who do you work for?” He asked him like he did before.

“I told you!” The officer insisted.

“No you didn’t!” He yelled at him. He did tell him before, but that wasn’t the point. He needed to make him stronger. This young officer needed to learn how to take a punch. He needed to learn to stop talking.

“But I-”

He didn’t let him finish. “No you didn’t!” he screamed at him pulling his hair, pushing his face towards the light. He let him see his eyes, maybe he’d take the message then.

The light blinded his sore eyes. But he got a glimpse of the man’s gaze. He saw the evil glint in there. He decided to agree with him, maybe that could get him out of a punch or two. “I didn’t!”

Good. He got it. Now the fun was about to start. “So, tell me now, who do you work for?”

He hesitated. Should he answer that honestly? No, last time he did, the man went insane. He was focused on the man, so when he swung at him again, somehow he managed to dodge it. This man could not be pleased with anything. So, maybe now it was time to keep his mouth shut. But before he did, he had one last thing to say, “Go to hell.”

He smirked at the man. Oh, he got the message alright. But how long would he hold out for? He walked around him and stopped behind his back. He looked at him for a moment, his body stiff, senses on fire to gauge what he was about to do. Whatever that was though, he wasn’t getting out of it. He leaned towards him and said in his ear, his voice almost a whisper, “Oh, you’re tough to break now, huh?” He reached inside his pocket and got a butter knife out of it. He pressed it into his skin, not cutting it yet, as he said, “I wonder though, for how long that is going to last.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Is anybody still reading this??  
> In case you were wondering, yes, I'm back and yes, I'm going to finish this story no matter what! 
> 
> I hope you liked it! :)


	11. Chapter 11

“I have to tell you, I haven’t seen anything like it,” The medical examiner said, putting his hands on his waist in exasperation.

Alex and JJ had just arrived at the morgue and they were here to gather as much information as they could about the UnSub. They hoped he would have left something behind that could lead them to his identification. “Don’t you get other people who have suffered similar injuries?” Alex asked.

“Yes,” the examiner nodded, “many, but not to this extent.” He uncovered the last body partially, so that his head and shoulders were visible. He was surprised to see the agents not turning away in disgust. He had done so when the bodies were first brought in. He pointed to the injuries that distorted every visible surface and said, “This kind of wounds could have only been inflicted in a large amount of time.”

“So he is beating them every day he holds them,” JJ concluded.

“Yes, but how did he get them in the first place?” Alex frowned. She turned towards the doctor standing on the other side of the table, “Is it possible to determine if he knocked them unconscious?”

“With this kind of damage?” The examiner asked incredulously. There was no way of knowing what was done first to the poor people. Other than the fading bruises, anything else would only be pure speculation. “No, not really. The injuries are extensive and have altered the body. But I did find flunitrazepam in their system. He injected it with a needle. It seems that they were given a certain dosage daily. I’m guessing so that it could keep the skeletal muscles relaxed.”

“When was the time of death?” JJ asked the doctor.

“I estimate it to be about three days ago.”

“But we only found the body yesterday,” JJ said skeptically.

“I doubt he held a dead body in his house for three days. He must have dumped the body three days ago and we only found it now. Were there any ligature marks?” Alex asked immediately. She figured if he drugged them, maybe he tied their hands to hold them.

“Yes, though they are faint,” the doctor grabbed the man’s arm from under their sheet and showed the fading marks to the agents, sharing with them his conclusion, “They were bound for a short amount of time.”

“So, he used rohypnol to keep them from moving, to keep them from fighting back,” JJ said.

“Did you find anything else, doctor?” Alex asked. They had found a lot about the UnSub already, but all the information together was confusing at the moment. They needed to speak with the others and make sense of it.

“Yes, I did,” he nodded. “The cause of death was a skull fracture, probably by being hit repeatedly with the killer’s fist. But not all of those are defensive wounds came from the beating. It seems as though the killer used a knife. You see this line here?” he said, pointing on the man’s left clavicle, “The force applied to break the skin, it was so great, it broke the skin cells.”

“What kind of knife could do such damage?” JJ asked.

The examiner hesitated for a moment unsure that the agents would believe him. But his facts were scientifically correct and he trusted in them. “A butter knife.”

“A butter knife?” Alex asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” he said with no trace of doubt in his voice.

“Thank you, doctor.” JJ said, nodding at him. When they both said their goodbyes, they made their way outside to the SUV.

On the way there, Alex noted, “Did you notice the wound on the left clavicle?”

“Yes, why?” JJ said, taking the car keys out of her pocket.

“It was only on the left clavicle. That probably means the killer is right handed.”

“Probably, but I don’t see how that helps us,” she said as she got inside the car.

Alex was right behind her, getting inside the car, shutting the door behind her and wearing her seat belt. They had a lot of information so far. But somehow, they all seemed insignificant. “We’ll see.”

JJ nodded, not having anything else to say. Once she got her seat belt on, she turned on the car, drove off back to the police department. Maybe the others would have some better, more useful news.

 

* * *

 

Morgan and Rossi got to the precinct before Alex and JJ, so they had to wait for them to start working all together on the profile and interview the families. Meanwhile, Hotch was under a heavy workload for one man, so when he saw them he said, “Grab a file. We’ve got a lot to go through.” Morgan sighed looking at the files scattered on the table. They had a lot of work alright, and he’d need at least two cups of coffee to go through them all. “I’m going to get some coffee. You want some?” He looked at Hotch that had his attention on the file he was currently reading.

“No, Reid’s getting me some. Thank you, though.”

Hotch barely looked at him when he spoke and Morgan couldn’t help but be grateful for that. He hadn’t thought about his situation with Reid for a while now, and seeing him alone in private, that made him almost lose his footing. He remembered when they had been to cases when they were together and Morgan was extra playful and teasing with him. Now he could be neither. Nevertheless, he won’t give up yet. Maybe this was the opportunity to run an idea for later by him. He walked into the small room as big as a supply closet, where the coffeemaker was and saw Reid standing above it. “Hey,” he said in a greeting.

Reid had been lost in thought once again when Derek walked in. Though this time it was about their case. Something interesting was going on with his geological profile, but he didn’t know exactly what yet. “Hey,” he greeted barely throwing a glance at the agent before him. He didn’t want his thoughts to get sidetracked and if he stared at Morgan, he knew they would.

An awkward silence fell between them after that. Neither really knew what to say, how to act around one another. This needed to end. This awkwardness, this… this… whatever this was between them anymore, Derek wanted it to end. “Reid listen,” he begun, “we didn’t get to finish our talk before. Can we talk tonight when we get back to the hotel?”

Spencer continued mixing his coffee with the spoon while considering Derek’s request. He hadn’t had a chance to process what they said this morning. He hadn’t had the chance to think if his mind had altered the memory and Derek really pushed away that woman. He needed to know the truth about that night before he talked to Derek. “I-I don’t know, Derek. I need some time to think.”

Derek looked at him for a moment trying to understand what he needed to think about, but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t get inside Spencer’s head and if he needed time to process things, then so be it. “Fine. Take all the time you need. Promise me something, though.” He paused until Spencer looked at him in the eyes.

Reid waited to hear what Derek wanted to say, but when it didn’t come, he looked up and got caught in the web those chocolate eyes always created just for him. He got pulled in and kept on looking, until he couldn’t take the silence anymore and asked hesitantly, “What?”

He locked eyes with him and said carefully, “When you’re ready to talk, you’ll come to me.” He took a step closer and watched as Spencer tensed, probably because he didn’t know what he was going to do next. But he continued, “No hesitation.” Another step, “No second guessing.” He was now standing right in front of him, only a breath away, and only his scent that was simply Spencer made him hazy. He missed that.

Spencer got lost in the intensity of Derek’s gaze. His close proximity was throwing him off guard, pushing his brain into a jumble of emotions. It was a few moments before he found the ability to speak again. “Okay,” he said. He stared at him a moment longer until he realized that his work was waiting for him in the other room. He looked past Morgan’s head and said, “Uh- I.. I’m going to finish the geological profile.”

He didn’t look back. He didn’t see Morgan nod and sigh at his departure. Spencer got back to the conference room, thankfully remembering to bring Hotch’s coffee, and no one said anything when he walked in as if nothing happened with Morgan following him a moment later. Hotch didn’t say anything of course, but he glanced at them carefully.

“I thought you went for coffee,” Rossi said to the empty-handed Derek, trying his best not to smile, but the twinkle in his eyes probably betrayed him.

“I’m waiting for a new coffee pot,” Derek lied easily, not looking at anyone in the room. Truth was he had forgotten about coffee after Spencer left, but he would go get it in a while.

Rossi didn’t get to reply thankfully, because right then JJ and Alex walked in. Reid was concentrated on his map while the rest held a file in their hands, probably looking at the victimology. “We found his signature,” Alex announced.

“Yeah, he uses a butter knife to hurt his victims,” JJ said cringing even at the thought.

“Butter knife.” Morgan stated unable to believe that.

“Strange,” Reid mused. “He could have used any other weapon and inflict more damage and definitely more lethal, but he chose a butter knife. You need to apply great force to break the skin with it.”

“Which means it probably hurt like hell,” Rossi voiced his thoughts, “so that means the pain is important to the UnSub.”

“But why?” Morgan couldn’t understand this guy. He was organized and a planner and they were going around in circles trying to understand him. It frustrated him. “We know he’s a sadist, but what does he really want from the victims?”

Suddenly the door to the room opened, and a tense worried captain walked in. “Sorry to bother you, but we’ve got a potential victim,” he looked at them all asserting the gravity of the situation, “A police officer. He went out for patrol yesterday and he hasn’t clocked in today.”

“I thought the guy waited a few days after dumping a body before kidnapping his next victim,” Rossi said.

“He’s devolving.” Hotch was getting worried. This guy was getting bolder and more confident and now he drifted away from his plans. What were they missing?

“This time he got a police officer. Which means we were wrong,” Rossi concluded.

Hotch turned to look at him and asked, “About what?”

Rossi looked at Morgan as he started talking, “We thought he was after a local victim and dumped the body somewhere it wouldn’t be found for a while, because he didn’t want the police presence to become a hindrance to his goal.” They were wrong. It wasn’t that he needed time for his next victim. He had already found him. “He knew exactly when and why he wanted the body to be found the time it did.”

“To alert us of the cop’s disappearance when he wanted us to know,” Hotch agreed. This UnSub was too organized. Now that he’s devolving, he was bound to slip up.

“Or maybe it was both,” Morgan said. “You can’t really abduct a cop when he’s surrounded by ten others.”

Hotch shook his head. “This is for us. He knows we’re here and he’s confident in his abilities, so he went after one of us. We need to stop him before he gets to someone else.” But Morgan was also right. It couldn’t have been easy to abduct a cop just like that. They usually move in pairs. So, he turned to the captain and asked him, “Was he out alone yesterday?”

The Captain frowned trying to remember who the officer was with yesterday. “No, he was with his partner,” he said after a moment, “why?”

Hotch looked at JJ and said, “JJ, can you talk to him? He must have seen the guy we’re looking for. And get him with a sketch artist. We’ll need the public’s help.” He knew there was only so much Garcia could do with her programs and this killer was careful and meticulous. Maybe his boldness would be his undoing. If he really left a witness, someone must have seen him around. He turned to the dark-skinned agent next, “Morgan, call Garcia. We need everything she has on the victims so far.”

“On it,” Derek said already in the process of taking his phone out of his belt. He pushed the number that had Garcia on speed dial, and it barely rung once before the technical analyst picked it up. “Hey Baby Girl,” he said into the phone, putting it on speaker. “Tell me you’ve got something for us.”

Garcia tutted in disapproval, “Those people are squeaky clean. I swear I searched every nook and cranny and still nothing. Other than the occasional speed ticket here and there, there’s nothing really remarkable about them. They’re just everyday folks,” she sighed, the sound of her fingers furiously pressing they keyboard audible in the background.

“Okay, thanks Garcia. Keep looking. Call us if you find anything,” Hotch ordered.

“Will do, sir,” Garcia responded and a second later the line went dead. Morgan shook his head at her. It was obvious Garcia was frustrated with not finding anything since they were no lewd remarks this time around. Or maybe it was because Spencer and Derek were in the same room and things were awkward enough as they were. Speaking of Spencer, he had been stuck on that geological profile ever since they got here, and at the moment he was staring at it with a frown on his face, as if something didn’t add up.

“Weird,” Reid muttered as he was looking at the map in front of him.

Hotch turned to look at the troubled agent, “What is it, Reid?”

He frowned and glanced at his supervisor for a moment, “According to the geographical profile, the UnSub seems to be killing in a close range making his comfort zone considerably smaller than usual.” He pointed to the exact location as he explained and when he was done, he turned to look at the people in the room, “Most killers expand it as far as they feel comfortable doing so.”

“Maybe this UnSub just feels comfortable killing in a close proximity of his home,” Rossi shrugged.

Morgan shook his head, “He crossed state lines. If he feels comfortable doing that, he should feel confident about killing further away.”

There was only one thing that could explain that, Hotch thought. “He wants to get caught.”

A moment of hesitation passed before Reid said, “Yeah, but why?”

A knock sounded on the door, interrupting the agents’ process. All eyes turned to the officer standing there hesitantly, “Sir, the family members are here to see you as you requested,” he said to Hotch.

“Thank you, officer.” He nodded at him. “Alex and Reid, you can go meet Michael Lenning’s family. Morgan, talk to Alexa Sally’s sister. I’ll talk to Hector Faraday’s wife and kids and Rossi to John Giling’s parents.” Once they all nodded their consent at their leader’s orders, they all left to meet with the families.

 

* * *

 

The officer was still in the uncomfortable chair. He wasn’t chained on it or anything. But his body felt like Jell-O. He tried to lift his hand. He felt the muscles on his arm and shoulder tense, but as he looked at the limb nothing happened. He could barely move his head around. His body felt like goo. He had control over it but at the same time he didn’t. Suddenly a door opened and his kidnapper was standing right in front of him once again. He had brought in a chair for himself a while ago and had placed it right in front of him. He sat there and said, “Are you ready to answer some more questions?” The officer sighed internally. Frankly he had no idea what this man was looking for. He had asked him questions which he had answered, but it wasn’t enough. The abuse went on. He stopped answering questions after a while, again the abuse didn’t stop. When the adrenaline was flowing, he didn’t mind. He didn’t feel any pain. But when it was gone, such as times like this, his whole body hurt and it was hard to use the muscles of his face. He was pretty sure he had at least four cracked ribs and the butter knife… don’t even get him started on that.

“I said, are you ready to answer some more questions?!” The young man yelled at him grabbing his face forcefully, to make him look him in the eyes. At the man’s blank look he continued, “Well, I’ll take that as a yes.” He knew the officer couldn’t really move his jaw – it was sore – but there were other forms of communication and he was planning to exhaust all of them. “So, what is the name of your employer?”

He couldn’t take this anymore. Screw rapport. Screw talking his way out of here. It was obvious this man was not going to let him go anytime soon. So why not just say what he wanted to say? He probably wouldn’t be able to talk in a while, so why not speak up now that he still could? He mustered all the courage he could find and spoke, trying to move his jaw as little as possible, “You want the government’s name?”

The young man grinned at the officer’s response. He was pleased with it, but he still had a role to fill out. He needed to make sure this lasted. He needed to make sure this officer was well trained. “If that’s how you want to play it.” The young man brought his fist on the man’s leg with such force that the limb stretched out automatically.  For some reason he took pleasure into the officer’s grunt of pain. “What is your captain’s name then?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember,” The officer would have smirked if he could. He tried, though he didn’t know how successful it was. He remembered. Of course he remembered everything. “I’m thinking temporary amnesia due to head trauma. What do you think?”

The young man laughed at this. “Oh, you think you’re smart, don’t you? I like this attitude. It’s very close to digging your own grave if you know what I mean.” He grinned at him before he brought down his fist again to the same place on his leg. He heard the bone crack and it was exhilarating.  “Are you going to make me ask again?” He said angrily.

“Ask what again?” He knew playing dumb was not the right tactic, but he’s been here for who knows how long and nothing worked. And most importantly he was done trying to make things work.

This time he charged for his stomach. He punched him hard, making the officer fight for air. “I’m sure I can make you remember.” He let the officer bring air to his lungs and calm his breathing before he reached to his pocket and got the butter knife out. As the glimpse of light hit the soft blade, he watched as the officer’s eyes filled with terror. Good. He was not as fearless as he appeared to be. That meant he was still breakable and the young man couldn’t have that. He pressed the knife into the man’s arm, lightly at first, just to feel a slight burn from the friction, and then he pressed a bit more satisfied at the flinch of the sting the officer was probably feeling right now, and suddenly he pressed four times harder than before, breaking the skin, watching as the blood got out, dripped down the officer’s arm.

It hurt. The butter knife was the worst of all torture so far, but he still tried to keep his cool. He gritted his teeth and said, “Remember what?”

“Remember the question!” He yelled as he stabbed him again in his abdomen.

“What question?!” The officer gasped. Honestly, he had forgotten the question. The pain was just too distracting.

The young man grabbed his shoulders and shook him, “What is your Captain’s name?!”

Oh, that was the question. But still… he refused to answer. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Where do you work?!” He punched him where he had stabbed him before, knowing the blinding pain it would bring upon the officer.

“I told you, I don’t remember!”

“Is that so?” The evil glint in his yes was disconcerting. “Then I’ll make you remember.” His promising words made the officer freeze in fear. This was far from over. He wished the darkness could take him again, he wished the unconsciousness could wrap him in her arms, but he knew that wouldn’t happen yet. Somehow he felt more awake that ever. “What do you want from me?!” He screamed. And that was the last thing he got to say for the rest of the day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about what happened, but that's where the story led me. Things will look up again... soon...ish.
> 
> Also as you probably noticed, this story has 18 chapters including the epilogue. So, if there's any questions about the case or characters, just ask. 
> 
> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> -RC


	12. Chapter 12

Hotch walked into a waiting room. He didn’t know what the department usually used it for, but it was a gray room with a sofa on the far wall under the window, an armchair on each side wall and two plants in the corners next to the sofa. Hector Faraday’s wife, Violet, was sitting on the couch obviously trying to hold her tears back. She was trying not to break down. Hotch didn’t blame her. She probably had been questioned numerous times and being called out here again must be taking a toll on her. “Mrs. Faraday,” Hotch started speaking gently but firmly at the same time, “I’m Agent Hotchner with the FBI. How are you?”

“Hello. I’m sorry, but why am I here?” She said politely, but overwhelmed at the same time.

He sat on the armchair closest to the victim’s wife and folded his hands in front of him as he said with a gentle voice, “I know this must be difficult for you ma’am, but the FBI is helping the police with the investigation and we’d like to ask you some questions of our own.”

She seemed to consider what she heard for a moment, when suddenly she spoke, “Is this going to help you catch whoever killed my husband?”

Hotch nodded, “We think it will, yes.”

She nodded frantically, pursing her lips in a tight line, “Then I’ll do anything I can to help.”

Hotch started off with an easy question. “What did your husband do for a living?” He knew the answer already, but people in distress tended to rumble about their loved ones, wanting to relive their memories with them and that sometimes revealed valuable information.

“He was a corporate lawyer in a big firm that he owns,” she started in a small voice. But remembering his passion for his job all those years, made her smile and want to share those moments with the agent. “He wasn’t always that, you know. He started with criminal law, but we started a family and it took up too much of his time. He settled for corporate law that had a better schedule. At first he was worried that such department wasn’t for him, but he…. He thrived. He eventually became a name partner, and we raised enough money for him to become managing partner when the firm was ready to sink. He… He revived the company and he got to practice law for twelve more years. I can’t believe he’s gone. He was ready to retire. He was ready to come home to me. But now…”She shook her head, staring at the plant by the couch.

Hotch registered the lack of eye contact and he decided it was time to keep the widow focused on the interview. “Mrs. Faraday, did your husband work alone?”

She looked at him confused, “No, of course not. Not lately. He was a part of a four membered group with other promising lawyers. He was training them so that one day they would do just as well in their lives. I remember lately that he was getting involved less and less. He told me he thought they were ready, and that… that retirement was coming soon.” Her voice broke at the end at the knowledge that her husband was so close to finally closing that chapter of his life and was about to start a new one with her.

“Do you know who was supposed to take his place after he left?” If he raised such a firm by himself, then he must have decided long ago who would replace him afterwards.

The wife lost herself in thought as she tried to remember the answer, “Um, Lisa Kellers. She had been his partner for many years. There was no one he trusted more. He planned to keep his shares of the firm, but Lisa would be the one running it.”

Hotch nodded, “Thank you, Mrs. Faraday. I appreciate it.” He got up and was halfway out the door when the woman behind him made him stop.

“Agent Hotchner!” She called out to him. When he turned around and looked at her, she asked, “Did I help?”

He made sure they were in eye contact before he said, “Yes, you did ma’am.” With that, Agent Hotchner left the room and went back to the conference room to wait for the others to finish their interviews so that they could compare notes with each other and maybe reach a conclusive profile soon.

 

* * *

 

JJ was sitting in front of a worried officer’s desk. He was trying hard to hide it, but the lines on his forehead, his deep breathing and his uncomfortable stance as he was siting in his chair betrayed his two emotions to the young profiler. She started with a gentle voice, “So tell me what happened yesterday.”

“Me and Jeremy were out patrolling the area assigned to us when a disturbance call came in two blocks away from us. We responded. I was driving and when we reached the house there was a man waiting outside looking infuriated. He started yelling about how he was trying to sleep and then he heard someone scream in the house behind him and how now because of them he wouldn’t get his much needed sleep to work his night-shift later,” the officer explained looking at the agent in front of him.

“You remember many details,” JJ remarked.

“Honestly, ma’am, I couldn’t forget it if tried. The man was loud. And even if he wasn’t, I could never forget the time when my partner was suddenly gone,” the officer replied frankly.

The last sentence made JJ frown. “What do you mean ‘gone’?”

“Well, we got out of the car and while Jeremy went to calm the man down, I went to check for any disturbances in the house. He was always the better of the two of us with people. He had this calming effect about him.” The officer chuckled at the memory of his partner. He wasn’t a social person. He was quiet, but the rest of the department didn’t mind. He was good at his job. “Anyway, I knocked on the door and the owners insisted that no screaming had taken place here. I asked to check inside just to be sure and they let me in. When I got out, Jeremy was nowhere to be found and neither was that man.”

“What did you do when you didn’t see him out there?”

“I looked for him. I wasn’t that long in that house, so I figured he couldn’t have gone far. I looked in alleys, I knocked on doors, but no one had seen him. A minute later after I was walking back to my cruiser, he sent me a text,” the officer shrugged as if that was normal. He fumbled with his pockets as he said, “here, let me show you.” He got his cell phone out of his pocket, unlocked the screen and brought up the message list for the agent to see. He pressed on the one with his partner’s name on it and gave it to the agent to read the last message Jeremy sent him.

JJ grabbed the phone and read the message. _‘Hey, Ella needed me and I had to go. See you tomorrow at work.’_   “Who is Ella?”

“She’s his sister. She’s sick. She has leukemia and when things get tough, Jeremy leaves early to take care of her and I always cover for him if he needs it.”

JJ gave back the phone to the officer and asked, “So nothing about this message seemed weird to you?”

The officer shook his head, “No. As I said, his sister’s really sick. It wouldn’t have been the first time he had to go, but he always came to work the next day. Always. That’s how I knew something was wrong.”

“Alright, thank you,” JJ smiled compassionately at him. “Would you mind sitting down with a sketch artist? The man you met there was probably the UnSub and his appearance would be really helpful to narrow down the suspect pool,” JJ said gently, trying to convey the importance and urgency of her request through her words.

“Sure. But if that was him, how could he take him with nobody seeing or hearing anything?” he asked confused, unwilling to believe that his partner had been taken right under his nose.

“He probably surprised him and had a vehicle lying in wait somewhere close,” JJ spoke carefully, choosing her words not wanting to make the officer panic or blame himself for what happened.

The officer knew the FBI agent wasn’t telling him everything, but he didn’t press the subject. At this moment he’d rather not know everything. He sighed loudly in concern, worry, guilt… all of the emotions hit him at once.

“Are you okay?” JJ asked in that comforting voice of hers.

The officer shook his head, “I just can’t believe how he could have been taken right under my nose and I didn’t realize anything. I didn’t even know something was wrong until now. What kind of a friend or officer am I if can’t tell my partner has been kidnapped?” He looked at her, waiting for an answer though in reality he didn’t expect one.

That was a tough question to answer. She didn’t know what to say to make it right, so she tried to smooth things over as best as she could. “Like you said, he disappeared often and this UnSub is meticulous. There’s no way you could have known.” He touched his arm in sympathy and got up from the chair, going to call the sketch artist to sit with him. She knew the officer would blame himself for his partner’s disappearance. She only hoped that the fact drove him to catch the UnSub and not to his self-destruction.

 

* * *

 

 Morgan walked into an interview room that had a wide window on the side, so it didn’t resemble the gray boxes in which he usually interviews all the monsters out there. He found a black woman pacing the floor, covering her mouth with her hand in worry. She looked young, but not as young as the victim, who had been 24, but maybe Spencer’s age. He cleared his throat to get her attention, and her head turned instantly at the sudden sound. “Hi, I’m Derek Morgan with the FBI. You’re Meghan, right?” He asked gently as a conversation started.

“Please, call me Meg,” the distressed woman said as she took in the man in front of her.

“May I sit?” Derek asked pointing to the chair on his side of the table.

“Uh, yes, of course,” the woman asked, turning to sit down as well. Once she got as comfortable as she could be in a police station, she said, “You know, the police have already asked questions. I answered every one of them. So, what am I doing here? Do you have any news about Sally’s...” she choked on her sister’s name, remembering how the last thing she told her was’ I love you, sis’ and Meg had only said ‘yeah, yeah, I know.’ She closed her eyes, to find the strength to say what she wanted to say, “Sally’s killer?” she whispered.

“No, not yet ma’am. But I promise you, we’re doing everything we can to find him,” Morgan tried to comfort her seeking eye contact. Once he found it, he went on, “Now I know the police have asked questions, but I’d like to make some of my own and I want you to answer me with as many details as possible. Can you do that for me?” When the woman nodded, Morgan asked, “When was the last time you talked to Sally?”

The woman looked at her intertwined fingers as she said, “the day before she…before she disappeared. She had recently found a new job, so I called her often because I worried.”

“Why did you worry?” Morgan frowned.

“Sally wasn’t the most social person in the world. She had friends and all, but not many. She never really opened up or got comfortable unless she really knew the people around her. She was a chef and that required teamwork and she was struggling with that, I guess,” Meg shrugged.

“So she was a part of a team?” Morgan asked for clarification.

Meg nodded, “Yes. She worked at a new restaurant downtown.”

“Did she ever mention anything about having trouble with any of her coworkers?”

Meg frowned at the agent, “What kind of trouble?”

“Did she have a fight with anyone? Did someone ever get pissed off enough to threaten her or want to harm her?”

Meg shook her head, “No, no, no, no. Nothing like that. I mean being a chef surprisingly involves a lot of stress, so the occasional fight happened here and there, but by the end of their shift, everything would be fine. She really liked it there and the bond that they had. She just didn’t know how to be a part of it,” Meg smiled sadly. She had told her sister that talking to them even about their favorite movies would do the trick, but she was always so shy. It wasn’t fair what happened to her. She had been so sure that someday she would become a famous chef. And now someone had thought it right to get in the way of that, in the way of her life. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to have her life cut short. At that thought, Meg couldn’t help but let a sob escape her lips. She couldn’t hold the tears back. She missed her sister.

Morgan saw the woman get lost in her own head, her thoughts obviously leading her to dark places that made the tears come to the surface. He hated seeing this pain. He hated that there was nothing he could currently do to help. So, he reached out, touching her hand softly, hoping that at least he could offer some comfort or reassurance as he said, “We will catch the man who did this. I promise.” He looked at her in the eyes and made a promise to himself that they would find the bastard. He promised that those people will find justice no matter how long it took.

 

* * *

 

Rossi walked to the department’s hallway, where John Giling’s parents were waiting.  He found them leaning on each other, holding hands, obviously trying to appear united and strong, but not being really good at it. The mother had puffy red eyes, and the father avoided any other contact. His hand was holding hers, but the rest of him wanted to be as far away as possible. It was obvious neither of them was happy to be here. He approached them and the father saw him first and got up. Before he had the chance to say anything, Rossi spoke first. “Hello, I am Agent Rossi with the FBI.”

“My name is Peter, and this my wife Mary,” the husband took the introductions upon himself immediately. He was tense and seemed restless. “Is there anything new on the case?” he asked right away.

Rossi looked around at the busy hallway, the officers and civilians rushing in and out of the department. That didn’t seem like an appropriate environment for an interview. “Why don’t we go somewhere more quiet to talk?” Rossi gestured further inside the department, and the wife got up and followed the husband who was following the agent. They found a quiet corner with semi-comfortable chairs to settle on. The parents sat together on side, while Rossi sat on the chair that was facing diagonally the couple. They both looked at him with a hopeful expression on their face and he hated that what he was about to say would definitely crush that. “Unfortunately, there haven’t been any new developments in the case, but we were hoping you could help us make progress.”

“What do you mean?” The wife spoke up confused. The police had questioned them twice already. She couldn’t understand how else they could be of assistance.

“I’d like to ask you some questions that could get us closer to solving the case.” Rossi was careful with his words. He tried not to say the word ‘killer’. He needed the parents to be focused on answering his questions, not overwhelmed with flashbacks and memories of their son or feelings of loss.

“But the police have already questioned us,” the husband said frowning.

Rossi leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and locking his hands in front of him as he said, “I know how hard this must be for you, but I wouldn’t be asking this if it wasn’t completely necessary.” He looked them both in the eye, trying to convey the urgency of the matter.

The husband considered this and eventually nodded his agreement, “Okay. Fine. Ask away.”

“So, your son, John, loved sports?”

John’s mother was the one who spoke next, “Not all of them, no.” She had a faraway look in her eyes. It was obvious her mind was full of memories of the child she lost too soon. “Just basketball. Ever since he could hold the ball, he would dribble it around and try to shoot it in any loop he found.” She sniffed at the memory playing in her head. It was like she could see him right now, when he was only a little child, holding the ball and looking at her with a wide smile on her face. She tried to focus and continued, “Eventually we enrolled him in the local basketball team, where he became the point guard. He was so good at it. We never missed a game. We tried every time that at least one of us was there to cheer for him. This year though, he got to the bigger league. He was transferred to a new team. It was all over the newspaper. We were so proud. We went to see all of his games, though he wasn’t playing,” she finished sadly.

“What do you mean?” Rossi asked in confusion.

John’s father explained, “He was the youngest member of the team, so he was benched for the first month. The coach told him to observe their tactics and all, and once he got the hang of it, he would be able to play.”

“So, he was going to replace the current point guard?” Rossi asked for clarification.

“Yeah, I think,” the father nodded.

“Did that cause any problems inside the team?”

Peter, the father, tried to remember if anything had happened, but nothing struck out. “No, John never said anything like that. The current point guard had to move, so he was going to leave anyway.”

“Did John make easily friends in the team?” Rossi asked next.

“Not really,” the mother said. “He was really shy. He was excited, but he thought they were all so good players, that when they got to know him, they wouldn’t accept him. He was good at teamwork, but he didn’t make friends easily.”

“Why is that?” Rossi asked curiously.

“I-I don’t really know,” the father said lost, “We always told him he was free to ask them to come over to our house anytime, but he always found an excuse.”

The mother looked at him, her eyes glistening from the tears ready to fall, and said, “I think he was always afraid that they would say no. He was a good kid,” she smiled tearful.

“He was.” Rossi agreed. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He looked at them both making sure he had their attention as he said, “I want you to know, that we’re doing everything we can to find out who did this.”

“Thank you,” the mother said as the first tear fell from her eye.

Rossi nodded and got up and left. They had tortured those poor parents enough. He decided to give them some space. He had all he needed for now. It wasn’t much, but it would do.

 

* * *

 

Alex and Reid walked into one of the two waiting rooms. It was a light blue room with comfortable-looking chairs all around it and some plants scattered in the corners. A coffee table was sitting right in the middle with magazines and newspapers on it that were most likely outdated. It reminded Reid of a hospital. Michael Lenning’s parents and brother were scattered inside the room. No one really talked to each other. The brother stood motionless staring outside the window. He was young; barely 20 years old. The mother was sitting on a chair staring at nothing in particular and the father was pacing the room compulsively, but with a calm demeanor about him. When the agents opened the door to come in, the parents turned their eyes to them, but the brother didn’t react at all. He kept on looking out the window. “Hello. I am Alex Blake and this is Dr. Reid. We’re with the FBI,” Alex introduced them. She sat close to the mother while Reid remained standing looking at the brother curiously.

“Hi,” the mother said. “I am Sofia and this is my husband Chris.” She didn’t introduce their son. She knew that even if she did, he wouldn’t acknowledge them. He had been like that ever since he found out about his brother.

“I’ve very sorry for your loss,” Alex started, “is it okay if we talk about your son, Michael for a while?” she said gently, looking at the mother.

“Do we have a choice?” the father said disbelievingly.

Alex looked at him almost surprised trying to come up with something. “Time is of the essence, but if you’re not ready, we can give you some space,” she ended up saying, hating that she wished they didn’t ask them to come back later.

“When you lose a child like we did, you’re never really ready, you know? They didn’t even let us see him”, Sofia said sniffling, looking at her hands in front of her. “But it’s okay, we can do this. Right, Chris?” Sofia looked at her husband, and for a moment their eyes locked. Something passed between them, some kind of understanding, because in the next moment the husband moved to sit next to his wife.

After the husband settled, Alex asked the first question, “When was the last time you talked to Michael?” She leaned in closer to the mother, hoping that maybe the close proximity of a female presence could substitute for some comfort.

“About a week ago,” Sofia said, avoiding the agent’s eyes. “We didn’t speak for long because he was busy with his research.”

“What kind of research?” Reid asked gently.

“Michael was a psychologist. He was part of a research program for his doctorate. We don’t know exactly what he was studying,” Michael’s father said. At that moment, the brother reacted. It was just a huff, but a reaction nonetheless.

Reid stepped towards the boy, as his father said “He has been like that ever since we found out. He hasn’t talked to us, he hasn’t eaten. He has been locked in his room all day,” he looked at his son almost in desperation. It was heartbreaking to see a family go through something like that.

Reid came to stand next to the kid as he said, “Hi, my name’s Spencer. What’s your name?”

The boy looked at him from head to toe, sizing him up, judging him inside his head. He was obviously wondering how he got accepted in the FBI in the first place. He must have thought of the agent’s presence next to him as non-threatening, because he said - almost whispered, “Adam.”

Reid could feel the surprised stares of the people in the room piercing the back of his head but he didn’t let them get to him. He continued in the same soft voice as he had started. “It’s nice to meet you Adam. How old are you?”

Adam looked at him, but he answered almost immediately. “Twenty.”

“Were you close with your brother?”

Adam shrugged, looking back out the window, “I guess. I mean the difference wasn’t really helping, but we talked almost every day.”

“When was the last time you guys talked?” Spencer asked next.

“Like five days ago.”

“What did he say? Do you know what he was studying, Adam?” Spencer asked.

“He was part of a research program that studied the effect a strict patriarchic family has on its members, especially the children. They had visited a prison in Ashland for potential subjects. He said that they had found some that could be useful. He was happy because they were making progress.” It was obvious the young man was trying to keep the tears back, but talking about his recently deceased brother was not an easy task.

“Did he ever mention any trouble at work? Anyone he didn’t get along with?”

“He hadn’t gotten to the socializing part yet.” At the agent’s questioning look, he continued, “He was the newest member in the program and he was always,” Adam paused looking for the right word, “cautious before making any new friends.”

“What do you mean cautious?” Reid asked confused.

“He was of the opinion that man didn’t need many friends, as long as he had at least one true friend. So he never really sought out friendships. He was content with what he had.”

“Thank you, Adam.” He thought of patting his back, but he wasn’t one for physical contact, so he pursed his lips into a tight line and turned to leave.

“Thank you for your help,” Alex thanked the parents. “I am very sorry for your loss.”

They were almost out the door when Adam spoke up. “Dr. Reid.”

Reid turned around instantly and found the boy staring at him intensely. What he saw in the boy’s eyes were all emotions he was familiar with. Loss, sadness, pain, agony, nostalgia… they were all trapped in his orbs creating a web of sorrow. Reid didn’t speak. He let Adam form whatever sentence he had in mind to speak.

“Will it ever stop?” Adam simply asked.

For some reason Reid knew exactly what he was talking about. Will the pain ever stop? Will those emotions ever let him go? Reid took a breath and answered, “Honestly, no. But it will fade and eventually you will be able to live with it. It will always be inside of you, but you will move on in time.”

“I don’t want to move on,” Adam said stubbornly.

“Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean forget.” He saw Adam contemplate his words and when he simply nodded, he understood he needed now time to think, so he let him. Alex opened the door and he followed.

“How are you holding up?” Alex asked Reid as they were walking towards the conference room to find the rest of the team.

“What do you mean?” Reid frowned, not really understanding the basis of the question.

“This case seems like a difficult one. We’ve been here all day and we have no leads so far,” Alex said conversationally.

“I know. It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m missing something but I don’t know what it is.” All this time he’s been feeling like that, but he hasn’t been able to figure out why yet. On the way to the conference room, they made a detour for some coffee.

The last statement seemed to have a double meaning for Spencer even though he probably didn’t realize he had said that way. Alex wondered what could have happened in such a little time to the young man that made him look so…miserable. “Enough about work,” she said as she grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard. “How was Friday night? Did you have fun?”

Reid froze, though he tried not to show it. He probably failed. He frowned at the onslaught of memories from Friday night. It had slipped his mind that Alex didn’t know. She was the only one who couldn’t explain his distant behavior today. He tried to be normal, but when Derek was around, he couldn’t really manage it. However he had stayed professional so far. He tried to reply with a vague answer, “No, not really.” It was the truth. It was one of the worst days of his life.

“Did something happen?” Alex asked casually, knowing already that something probably did.

Reid grabbed a plastic cup and put coffee in it. “I don’t really want to talk about it.” He hurried to put sugar in it and not a second later he said, “We should go back to the others,” and started towards the conference room, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

Alex reached out to stop him. She didn’t want to interrogate him. She just wanted to let him know that if he needed a friend, he knew where to find her, “Look, Reid, I’ve noticed the changes between you and Derek and I know something happened Friday night, as I knew something was going on between you way long before that. I’m not asking you to tell me what it is, I’m just telling you that I’m here for you if you want someone to talk to, okay?”

Reid didn’t keep eye contact for the whole speech. Of course he always knew it would be hard to keep his relationship with Derek a secret, but it was a subject that still made him uncomfortable. He was glad all of his friends were so accepting and the whole situation reminded him how other than his mom, they were his only family. And even though things were awkward lately, he hoped he never loses them. He was grateful for them. “Thanks,” was the only word he managed to say. Anything else just seemed too much or too little. After that, Alex nodded and she walked to the conference room as if nothing happened and Reid followed her there with the same demeanor.

Hotch saw Alex and Reid walk in, the rest of the team were already there, and asked “What did you find?” As he said that, they all started sharing what the relatives of the victims told them. They discussed what they knew and they tried to reach a conclusion. Hotch called their technical analyst and said, “Garcia, can you check Lisa Kellers? I know the UnSub is definitely male, but can you see if there’s a man in her life that would do something like that for her?” at her affirmative answer, he thanked her and hang up the phone.

Derek sighs, placing his elbows on the table for support as he leaned forward, “So we know they were part of a team, most of them were latest members, some of them were shy, and others not so involved.”

“What about the police officer who’s missing?” Hotch asked.

The detective leading the case that had gotten here a little after Hotch had gotten back from the interview, detective Rylings, answered immediately, “Jeremy? He recently became a detective. But on his first case, he made a mistake that brought bad publicity, so he was punished with patrol for three months. He was kind of an outcast because of that, but he was still accepted as a cop.”

“So, he was part of the department but not high on the popularity list, so to speak,” Rossi clarified, “which could be interpreted as less involved.”

“But how did he choose his victims? How did he know if they were part of a team and what their role was in it?” JJ asked.

“He must have followed them for a while,” Hotch said with a frown.

“We need to find why he’s keeping them,” Rossi said.

Hotch turned to look at him, “What do you mean?”

“We know he keeps them for four days, but why?” He asked gesturing with his hands, “Does he hit them repeatedly?”

“We know the injuries happened progressively” Alex added.

“Exactly. Did he hit them every single day for the sake of hitting them or do they serve another purpose?” Rossi asked.

He had a point. So what if they were a part of a team or were less involved? What did that mean to him and why would he want to kidnap them and abuse them? “If we don’t find that, we probably won’t be able to catch him,” Hotch said.

An officer walked in and gave something to the detective in the room. Suddenly all eyes were on him. “The sketch you asked for is ready,” he said putting it down on the table for everyone to see. It was a complete sketch of a man’s face and it was surprisingly detailed.

“Good,” Hotch said. He looked at JJ next, “can you call for a press conference and tell them that we’re looking this man for questioning? Do not reveal that he’s a suspect in the case. For now we just need his identity.”

JJ nodded, as the detective spoke up, “Shouldn’t we warn the public?”

“We don’t have enough for a full profile yet or any more information regarding his identification, and if we did that, we would only raise panic.” He hated thinking about it that way, but the UnSub already had his victim in custody and there was no way to find the officer unless they found the UnSub first. So, the public was safe for now, but the officer wasn’t.

While JJ took care of the press conference, the rest of them stayed behind to try to create a preliminary profile. The worst thing was that the UnSub already had his next victim and there was no way to find him. The officer’s phone had been turned off, nobody saw anyone leave in the neighborhood he was last seen. It was unbelievable how the UnSub managed to kidnap an officer in broad daylight with no witnesses. There was practically nothing they could do other than look at the files they already had on all the victims.

When JJ came back into the conference room, Hotch got up from his seat and closed the file in his hand. “Alright, we’re all tired and unfortunately there’s nothing we can do for now. Let’s check into our hotel, get some sleep and come back first thing in the morning to look at it with fresh eyes.”

They all sighed loudly before they stretched in their seats. When they thought they were good enough to stand, they gathered their stuff and got into the government issued SUVs – Hotch, Alex, and Reid in one and the rest in the other – and drove to their hotel. JJ got their hotel rooms and assigned one to each agent.

Somehow, Reid and Derek ended up on the same floor, their rooms right next to each other. Reid thought for a moment that JJ might have done it on purpose, to force them to talk since they had a chance of privacy that way.  He didn’t give it more thought. He grabbed his bag, got the key and got on the elevator along with the others. Reid and Morgan were the first to arrive to their floor. They got out and in awkward, tense silence walked to their rooms. They only said a simple goodnight before they each got into their own room.

The room was simple, the hotel wasn’t a luxurious one. It only had a double bed, a sofa, a TV on the wall and a desk. As you walked into the little hallway before it opened out to the room, a wardrobe was on the right side and a door to the bathroom on the left. Reid didn’t bother getting his clothes out of his go-bag. He only got his pajamas out and got into the bathroom to take a shower that would wash away today’s events and stress. He felt so tired, so exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep. But for some reason, as he lied on the bed, it seemed like his senses woke up. It was as if his body could feel Derek being in the other room. It was as if his body missed him and longed for him and begged for him to reach him, to just touch him one more time. Something had been missing all day, and it was as if he now found it. He tried to calm his fast-beating heart down. He shut his eyes and told himself that he wasn’t ready. “Not yet. Not now.” He begged himself to go to sleep, but who was really listening? He tossed and turned, trying to find a position that would let sleep take him on the uncomfortable bed, but something was missing. It wasn’t warm enough. He got up and took a couple of blankets from the wardrobe. He covered himself with them and waited for their effect. He waited and waited, but it never came. He was still somehow… cold. He checked his phone and saw that an hour had passed with him tossing and turning. He knew what he wanted. He knew what he needed to sleep.

 He got up and didn’t even bother turning the lights on. He got out of his room, closing the door on his way, and walked to the room next door. He stared at the door, concentrating for any kind of sound on the other side, but nothing. Absolute silence. He breathed in and was ready to bolt, when he lifted his hand and knocked on the door three times firmly. He was exhausted and he wanted to sleep. And he knew without the man in the room in front of him, he wouldn’t be able to do so.

The door opened and a shirtless Derek was staring at him, rubbing the sleep from his eyes adorably. He used to love the fact that Derek slept in only his pajama bottoms. Now, not only did he love it, but it terrified him as well.

“Spencer?” Derek was asleep the minute he got on his bed, so he was surprised and confused to see Reid at his door as such hour.

Spencer opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to come up with something sufficient to say. When nothing was good enough, he went for the truth, “I am not ready to talk, but I can’t sleep alone,” he blushed at his admission and looked away to hide his embarrassment.

Derek looked at him for a moment. Truth be told, it was torture for him to sleep knowing Spencer was in the room right next to his. He was glad he was here. He knew that he may never get an opportunity like this again, so he wasn’t about to say no. He opened the door, nodding, and let him in. “You can take the bed. I’ll crash on the couch,” he said as he followed the younger agent inside.

At that Reid immediately disagreed. “N-No. Don’t,” he had come here because he missed him and his warmth. If Derek got the couch, he wouldn’t be able to sleep. “I-I mean it won’t be comfortable and it’s your room and I- we can share. Just for tonight. If that’s alright with you. I-I don’t want to force you. Only if you want to. It’s-”

“Spencer, it’s okay,” Derek said, cutting off his rambling. If that’s what Spencer wanted, then he would get what he could. If he regretted it in the morning, then they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it. Right now he had the chance to feel the warmth of his body next to his, the warmth he had missed so much. “We can share,” he agreed, “Just for tonight.”

Reid nodded and lied on one side of the bed while Derek lied on the other. They were both back to back, but without really touching. He hated that he was facing away from him, that he was so close, yet so far. But he didn’t think he could bear touching him or being touched by him without breaking, so he settled for this. “Goodnight, Derek.”

“Goodnight Pr- Spencer,” Both men noticed the slip-up, but neither of them said anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're moving forward with the case and Spencer and Derek's relationship. Next chapter we're going to see even more. 
> 
> Btw I now have a tumblr account. I'm still trying to figure out how to use it, so I don't know if anyone will be interested, but just in case, my name is puddingwillbeouralways. If anyone has any advice on how to use that thing, you are welcome to tell me.
> 
> Hope you liked it!   
> -RC


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning Reid wakes up with a smile on his face, feeling content after what seemed like a century. Of course he knew it hadn’t been a century. It had only been four days. And he only ever felt like this when…Wait. The last time he ever felt that way was Friday morning with Derek, before it all crumbled down around them.  And he felt a warmth engulfing him. Not the one you got from blankets spread around you, but the one you got from being pressed to another human being. Which could only mean one thing… He shifted slightly on the bed and felt a strong mass behind him. He focused on his surroundings and felt the arm around his stomach and the legs tangled with his. He was in the bed. With Derek. And like a furious wave, last night came back to him. He remembered coming here because he wasn’t able to sleep. Truth was this had been the most relaxed and rested he had felt ever since…then. But he was starting to wake and was feeling more embarrassed by the second. He opened his eyes and looked around at the dimly lit room, since the curtains were drawn, and he stiffened when Derek tightened his hold of him. This was too much. He wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready for the questions that would arise. He wanted to run away. He wanted to escape this man’s embrace.

He felt Derek shift beside him, bringing him closer to him. He felt him take in the body in his arms. He could practically feel the smile on Derek’s face, as it was pressed in the crook of his neck. Spencer froze in that moment. He closed his eyes shut counting backwards the seconds it would take for Derek to realize the predicament the two men were in. It actually took shorter than he expected. Not even a minute later he felt the hold on his waist loosen and only a few seconds later it was gone completely. It was as if he could see Derek looking around the room confused as to why Spencer had been there in his arms, until he remembered what happened last night.

“Uh, morning,” Derek mumbled as Spencer sprang up from the bed.

He turned to look at him in all his morning glory and that longing feeling tugged at his heart again. But he didn’t give in. Instead he looked away embarrassed feeling his cheeks burning bright red. “G-Good morning. Uh, I-I’m just going to g-go back to my room,” he said awkwardly. He was almost out the door, when Derek’s voice stopped him.

“Wait!” Derek got up from the bed faster than he ever had before and tried to catch up with Spencer. “Can we talk about this?” He asked, not wanting to leave things between them worse and more awkward than they already were.

Spencer looked at him for a moment and said, “There’s nothing to talk about.” He didn’t look behind him as he walked out. He didn’t see Derek sighing or how he punched the bed in frustration. He didn’t see any of it. He just went to his room, grabbed a change of clothes and hopped in the shower. He refused to think about Derek or last night, or even this morning for the matter. He had missed him and he had given in to his body’s need of being close to the other man. It had been an innocent but necessary act so that he could sleep and be fully functioning today. It had been nothing more. He just missed his friend. Nothing else. He wanted nothing else from him. It was wrong of him to use him that way and he knew that. Derek was not a teddy bear he could just cuddle up to whenever he wanted. He was a human being. He had feelings and it was wrong of him to step on them like that. It was a mistake that won’t be repeated. Ever. It was like as if it didn’t happen. He nodded to himself and finished with his shower. He got dressed as fast as he could, hoping that Derek wouldn’t have come out of his room yet and that he could maybe avoid him. But as he got out of the room, he found the other man waiting in the hallway for him, leaning against the wall. Spencer tried to act as if he didn’t see him and he sped his pace to put as much space between them as he could.

Derek got ready as fast as he could, wanting to outrun Spencer. He wanted to talk about this. He wasn’t about to put this under the mat like Spencer wanted to do. He wanted to fix things between them, not make them worse. When he saw Spencer walk faster away from him, he jogged up to him calling out, “Spencer, wait.” But that made the young doctor move even faster than before. Derek ran the small distance between them and got ahead of the other man. He stopped right in front of him, putting a hand on his chest to stop him, “Spencer, stop.”

At the contact, he took one step back. He looked into Derek’s eyes and he didn’t like what he saw. He loved his determination, but not in this case. Not when it was directed at him. “What is it, Morgan?” He said impatiently.

“Can we talk about this?!”

“Talk about what?” Spencer said as if he didn’t know what Derek was referring to.

“You know about what!” Derek said exasperated. “About this morning!”

Spencer tried to keep his poker face on as he said, “Nothing happened this morning.”

Derek chuckled humorlessly at that, “But that’s the thing, isn’t it?” He was tired of Spencer denying things. He had been understanding when Spencer’s memory was confused. But this wasn’t the same. This happened mere moments ago. There was no way he had forgotten already. Not Spencer. “Something did happen, Spencer.” He chased his eyes until they locked with his and then he said, “You know that.” He looked at him meaningfully, “I know you know that.”

Spencer shook his head, “It doesn’t matter, Derek.”

“Are you shitting me right now?” Derek asked angrily. He was so mad right now. It hurt like hell having Spencer dismiss them right now, right in front of him when everyone practically knew about them. He had stomached it when they were together for his sake, but he was not going to take it anymore. He screwed up, big time, but he has been trying to make things right and Spencer dismissing every step he tried to make did not gave him courage to go on. In fact it only boiled the anger inside of him, “Look, I know you feel betrayed. I know you think I cheated on you, but I didn’t!” He raised his voice. “She kissed me! And I’ve apologized for that.” He looked at him angry as he said in as much of a calm voice as he could find at the moment, “So tell me, Spencer, what part of ‘I’m sorry’ don’t you understand?” He said moving his hands to get the point across. Spencer didn’t answer. Instead, he looked away. “What part of ‘I’m miserable without you’ is so hard to digest? What part of ‘I can’t live without you’ can’t you get?!”

“You’re not the only one feeling this way, alright?!” Spencer suddenly exploded, his eyes wide with frustration, anger and despair. “What?” he exclaimed loudly, “You think I’ve been happy, seeing butterflies everywhere, living blithely on my pink cloud, enjoying life without you?” The angrier he got, the higher his voice sounded, but he was not about to back down. He had heard enough judgement and he didn’t like being pressured again and again about topics he hasn’t had the time to think through.  “Well newsflash for you, Derek!” He took one step closer to him threateningly, shouting, having completely forgotten about where they are and the attention they were receiving. “I haven’t slept in four days, I’ve lost my appetite, I can’t focus on anything when I’m alone and I feel like I’ve got this big hole of nothing where I know my heart should be and is that I don’t know how to deal with! So, I’m sorry if I’m not ready to talk about it because I don’t know how to process the last four days! But work is the only thing I have right now that I can actually function during it, so excuse me, but I got to go.” By the time he was done he was fighting to breathe. He walked away though, leaving a stunned to silence Derek behind him and the curious looks of the other guests in this hotel that had witnessed this fight. He didn’t look back. He went to the lobby and found Hotch and Dave getting ready to leave for the precinct, and he immediately went with them. They could both sense his distress, but thankfully, neither of them pried.

 

* * *

 

The morning was quiet. Sooner or later all of the profilers got to the precinct after getting a cup of coffee on the way, because let’s be truthful; it was way better than the coffee they offered there. When they got in, Spencer looked at Derek only once, while the rest of the day he tried to avoid him like the plague. Derek didn’t do anything different, though not because he didn’t want to see him or talk to him, but more like because he didn’t know what to say.

Now they were all in the conference room sitting around the table, each with a file in their hands, trying to seem as if they were being occupied by something. Truth was that now they couldn’t really do anything else but wait. They felt like sitting ducks. They were waiting for the press conference to come up with a result or for a new body to turn up. There was nothing they could do until either or both of those things happened. They were stuck.

So, Spencer was currently sitting on the chair looking at the case folder in his hands, but not really paying any attention to it. His mind was in the events of this morning. The content he felt once he woke up, and the pain he felt when Derek was rubbing in his face all of his faults. It was no secret even to him that was particularly inept with understanding or dealing with his emotions. Some of them confused him and others he couldn’t quite grasp. Then there were those that scared him, there were those that made him freeze in the middle of a labyrinth where every passageway looked exactly like the other, where there was no indication of the right direction. Those feelings overwhelmed him and he didn’t know what to do with them. Derek told him he was sorry a number of times, and yet Spencer couldn’t move past it. There were so many insecurities holed up inside of him that kept him still. What if he was someone in passing for Derek? What if they moved on with things but Derek left him in the long run for a woman? And even worse, what if they moved on but they grew apart as time went by?

He tried to go back to that night, Friday night. He remembered going in the club and Garcia pestering him to choose someone he liked best. He remembered Derek giving him tips that Spencer didn’t really believe they actually worked on women and then Derek was getting up from his seat, walking towards the woman with the purple dress. They were saying something that made the woman smile and laugh, and next time he turned around he saw Derek kissing that woman with his eyes closed. Every time he thought back to that moment, he stopped there. He never went further down on memory lane, but he didn’t stop this time. Maybe if he tries to remember more closely he’ll find the truth. He squinted his eyes in response, as if the scene was unfolding right in front of him once again. He focused on Derek. He was tense. Why? If he was a willing participant his posture should have been relaxed. His brows were furrowed. His posture became rigid. He feels himself getting up but he doesn’t take his eyes away. A moment passed and Derek’s eyes opened. There was no pleasure in his look. Only confusion and anger and just something… wrong. He was moving in between the people as he saw Derek push her away.

“Sir, we’ve got something from the tip line,” someone said, but Reid was too far out of it to register who.

He didn’t stop. But he was sure Derek pushed her away. He wanted to stop and turn around, but he couldn’t. This was just a memory. Nothing more.

“What is it?” He heard someone say, probably Hotch.

 But he didn’t stop to listen at the moment because he realized Derek was telling the truth.

“His name is Steven and he works as a door to door salesman for books. He’s a white male with brown hair and blue eyes,” the unfamiliar voice said this time.

Garcia was right. She told him the truth and he just didn’t want to believe her. He hadn’t been ready yet.

“Door to door book-sale? Now that’s an unusual profession,” Rossi spoke up this time, but Spencer was still lost inside his head.

JJ was right. His mind had altered the memory.

“Did they give you a last name?” Alex asked next.

“No, Ma’am.” The response by the unfamiliar voice was immediate.

“Reid.” Someone was calling for him, but the revelation he just had, had taken all his attention.

“Reid.” Hotch. Hotch was trying to talk to him.

But Derek pushed her away. A snap sounded in front of him that made him jump out of his skin. He looked around at all the profilers in the room only to find everyone’s gaze fixated on him. He looked at Hotch frowning in front of him. “Y-Yes?” he said, almost distractedly.

“Are you okay?” he asked looking at him seriously.

“I’m fine,” Reid immediately looked away and left the folder he had been holding too tight on the table. Hotch merely nodded at him and went on as if nothing happened. Not the same could be said for the others, though not for the lack of trying. He could feel Derek’s stare burn into him, but he didn’t look back. Maybe they would talk later. But for now it was time to focus.

“Garcia, find out any sales companies that sell books door to door and get me all the records on any employee named Steven and get me their photos ASAP,” Hotch said into the speaker as he had just dialed the number of the bubbly technician.

Her cheery voice made everyone in the room feel lighter, “I will type in the speed of light, Sir, and you will have them before you finish saying ‘Aaron Hotchner’.” And just like that she hung up.

Rossi chuckled as he heard that. He turned to Hotch and asked, “I’m surprised you haven’t ordered her evaluation yet.”

“She does her job well.” If it was anyone else, they would have shrugged, but Hotch didn’t do that. “Reid,” he called out to the younger member of the team who was obviously lost in thought. “What’s wrong?”

“I was just thinking,” he said as if he was contemplating something. He is a quiet person that doesn’t make friends easily and is work oriented. All of the victims were the same and society always treats those kind of people as weak. So what if… “What if the UnSub goes after the weakest link of a team?” He looked at his team in wonder. “Think about it. Socially, it happens everywhere. The kids at school pick on the weakest, teasing them and bullying them. In high school, sometimes they even escalate to violence daring them to be stronger.”

“What are you saying Reid?” Alex asked, having her hand under her chin as she usually did when she was thinking over something.

“What if the UnSub is trying to make the victims stronger in his own twisted way and when that fails he has no choice but to kill them?”

“The first victim was the newest member of the basketball team, so he was the least experienced. And Hector Faraday was leaving the law firm and was the oldest member of his team which could be interpreted as also being the weakest,” Rossi said, thinking this over.

“Alexa Sally was the latest addition to a famous restaurant kitchen staff,” JJ continued. “And Michael Lenning was described as a loner which under the right circumstances could be seen as weak.”

Everyone was looking at Reid, thinking that he was onto something and it was a probable explanation of the UnSub’s choices.  Reid was right. Then the phone rung and Hotch pressed the button to answer the call and put it on speaker. “Garcia, what did you find?”

“Okay,” she said, the sound of her fingers flying on the keyboard eminent in the background, “so there is only one company that sells books door to door. Surprisingly, they employ a number of Stevens, but only one fits the description of our guy.”

Derek sighed internally at the news, “Tell me you’ve got everything on him, mama.”

Garcia’s smirk was audible in her sultry tone, “Why? Did you ever doubt me?”

Derek gave a small smile at that, “Not for a second.” Bantering with Garcia almost always helped his mood, and after the morning he had, he needed it.

Her voice turned serious again as she started to give the profilers the information they needed. “His name is Steven Jameson and he’s got a tragic story at best. He is 32 years old born in Louisville in Kentucky. However, his biological parents died in a brutal car accident when he was two. According to his nanny, Steven spiked an unexpected fever that night, and his parents were rushing home from their date to be with him. Thankfully soon enough, he got adopted by Frank and Joy Jameson.” She paused a moment to take a breath and she continued, “Now listen closely, ‘cause this is where things get sketchy. There are many social services reports on that family, but every single one of them is clean.”

“What do you mean?” JJ asked.

“I mean that neighbors called the social services, like, all the time,” Garcia said disbelievingly. “They said that the father was a drunk and they heard screaming late at night and more often than not the son would be covered in bruises. So, I checked the hospital records, and I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but I feel sorry for him,” she added in a sad tone. She had seen and read many horrifying things on her computer screens, but she never could imagine how one could survive all that. “I really, really do. His arm was broken more times that a child’s arm should ever break and he had bruises on his jaw and more times than not cracked ribs. And some wounds that look a lot like the ones on our victims from the butter knife,” she shuddered involuntarily as she looked at the pictures on her screen of the fragile then boy.

“How did the parents explain the injuries?” Alex frowned. When you went to the ER, the doctors asked what happened to put it on the record. How did the parents explain the butter knife?

“Fell down the stairs, fell from his bike, that kind of thing. No one ever had proof for anything else.”

“How is that possible?” Alex continued. How could the doctors ever believe that such gruesome cuts could have been made by a simple fall?

Garcia shook her head, “Beats me, my sweets, but the kid never talked either,” she said sadly. “It says here, that when questioned, he kept repeating that they are his family and they love him.”

“He may be suffering from Stockholm’s Syndrome,” Reid offered.

“What happened next Garcia?” Hotch prompted the analyst to go on.

“Oh, the poor kid’s luck got even worse. The abuse went on, though it seems to have scattered over the years. But,” she said, pausing dramatically, “when Steven was twenty, his mother Joy was murdered when she was coming home from work. Police said it was a mugging gone wrong. But apparently, Frank didn’t believe that, because a week later he started getting all kinds of things on his rap-sheet including aggravated assault which translates to ten years with parole at 8 under certain conditions. And- oh,” she stopped as she read the next sentence on her screen in bold black letters.

“What is it, Pen?” JJ asked concerned.

Her voice was almost a whisper as Garcia said, “Frank Jameson got out on parole like, a week ago and he’s off the grid.”

“Right before the killings started,” Reid concluded.

“Is there anything else Garcia?” Rossi asked.

“Oh! Right! Yes,” she exclaimed as if she just remembered something. “As if that wasn’t enough, he used to work at a Marketing company, as a part of a team, when he was let go two months ago due to budget cuts which led him to get the job he currently has. Unfortunately the address he has given to both workplaces is bogus.”

“Find him Garcia, and his father,” Hotch ordered.

Garcia nodded even though they couldn’t see her, “I’ll move in the speed of lightning to grant your wishes mes amis.” And just like that, the line went dead.

Rossi was the first to speak after the phone call ended, “So, first he loses his job, and then his father who he loves very much gets out of prison, but doesn’t return home.”

Reid thought about this and said, “The first probably triggered the anger inside of him and the second was the stressor that made him let it all out on his victims.”

Hotch contemplated the ideas his team was offering and got an idea. He turned to Reid and asked, “Did Garcia send the area Jameson covered at work?”

“Yes, why?” he almost frowned confused.

“Do the victims live anywhere near them?”

Reid looked at the map behind him and compared the routes the UnSub took while at work with the victims’ houses. “Actually, yes. All the victims live in the areas he covered.”

“So that’s how he met his victims,” Derek said, understanding where the other agents were going with this. “He got them talking and he profiled them. Those who fit the weaker link profile he was looking for became his next target.”

Hotch looked at his team as he said, “I think we have our profile.”

 

* * *

 

It was morning and the young man was pacing in his living room. He couldn’t believe what happened. He couldn’t believe what he had done. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. He ruined this. He ruined everything! He threw everything from the coffee table in his anger and frustration, and they all fell to the floor with a noticeable thud that the young man didn’t give a damn about. Now his father would never come back. If he knew about his failure… No, he couldn’t think like that. His father would never find out about what happened last night…

_“So, what is you deal?” The young man asked the officer, but the only response he got was a huff. He was sitting in his chair breathless, taking a break from his work with the man in front of him. They had been making good progress so far. The officer had gone on with antagonizing him instead of answering truthfully his questions. Unfortunately, the beaten man’s speech had given out. He was unable to use his jaw anymore. It looked broken. Looking it over, the young man concluded that yeah, it definitely looked broken. He could also see that using his vocal cords couldn’t be a pleasant thing for the drug-induced officer. He had tried to choke him to intimidate him even more, to make him talk, but thankfully it didn’t work. And now the young man was feeling the strain all his work had caused him so he took a seat, and decided to start a simple conversation for once. Who knew? Maybe that would make the officer let his walls down and slip up. “Seriously. I’ve been trying to make you talk, and believe me I’d really like some answers, but” he tutted, “but you haven’t given them to me. And that frustrates me,” he leaned forward as he said this with a frustrated tone. “Tell me, what do you find so hard about telling me who you work for?” He said getting up. His heart had started racing again. As the adrenaline was pumping in his veins, he was ready to continue. So he got up and circled the officer taking slowly one step at a time. “Is it that big of a challenge to answer truthfully?!”_

_The officer didn’t respond. Instead he stayed motionless in his chair, lost in his own head as his mouth didn’t work anymore. The pain was nagging at him and he had lost all hope. He just wished for this to be over. Why couldn’t this be over?! Why did this happen to him? WHAT DID THE MAN WANT? Screaming in his head wasn’t enough. It wasn’t doing the trick. He just wanted out of here. Out of life. He… he had simply given up._

_The silence was getting on his nerves. Why couldn’t he just grunt or move his head, or tap his fingers, or just something?! “ANSWER ME!” the young man screamed at him, kicking him on the chest in a spur of anger. But the officer didn’t reply. No, he made no move to respond. Instead his body started convulsing and Steven looked confusedly at him. His head was down, and he lifted to see what was wrong, but then Jeremy coughed and blood was suddenly on Steven’s face. He didn’t pay any attention to it, because the officer was choking, struggling for breath and it wasn’t his time yet. It wasn’t his time yet! No, no, no, no, no, no NO! He had been the most successful of them all! He was the proof that his method was working and his dad was finally going to come home, but he was choking! He was dying right in front of him, right in his hands! “no, no, no, no ,no! Breathe! Please, breathe Jeremy! Don’t you die on me! Don’t you dare die!” He yelled at him, straightening up his body, moving him from the chair to lie on the floor. He had no medical training, so he did what was more logical to clear his air passageway and just help him breathe again, but the officer kept convulsing, the blood still coming out of his mouth more and more as the seconds passed by. Steven didn’t know what to do! He watched as the officer took his last breath. He saw as the officer’s body convulsed violently one last time before it went completely still. He saw as the life left his eyes, and for the first time, he felt sorry. This wasn’t his plan. Not this time._

_He sighed in sadness and closed the officer’s eyes, not wanting to look at those dead orbs anymore. He refused to cry though. No, he had to keep his head together. He had to figure out what to do now. He had to think of his next move._

And that was what he was doing now as he glanced at the TV, still pacing in the living room anxiously. And suddenly, he had a revelation that the man on the lifeless box helped him realize.

_“The investigation of the Iron Killer is still in progress. The Ironville PD and many other police departments from districts this killer has struck are working with the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit doing their best to find the person that has made every citizen in Kentucky sleep with the doors and windows locked tight with flashlights and weapons on their bedside.”_

_“That is all good Amy, but who are they really? What do those Feds have that our police officers don’t?”_

_“You know that is a popular opinion, John,” Amy said, “But the BAU has only a consulting role on the case. Its members create a profile that can help our police officers narrow down their search and find the killer faster.”_

_“Is that so?” John said disbelievingly. “And who are those members exactly?”_

_“My source says that here in Ironville are Aaron Hotchner, the Supervisor of the team, Derek Morgan, Dr. Spencer Reid………”_

 And as the host of the news said the names while they showed a picture for every agent they mentioned, Steven knew. He knew. He knew his mission was reaching its end. He knew that it wouldn’t be long before his father came home. He would be so proud of him. Steven knew the end was near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... this happened. We're moving forward with the case and the couple's relationship. What did you think?  
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> -RC


	14. Chapter 14

They were putting the final touches to the profile they were about to give out to the officers any minute now, and Derek had taken a break to refill his cup of coffee. Honestly, being in the same room with Spencer was suffocating. He had acted like a douche this morning and he was fully aware of it. Rubbing in his face the unspeakable nature of his feelings, or pointing to Spencer everything he hadn’t or couldn’t do… that was a low blow. He knew Spencer wasn’t that good with emotions. He knew that ever since he met him. But he was hurt and Spencer dismissing him like that… dismissing them like they were nothing… Well, that crossed a line he didn’t even know existed. And then Spencer exploded in a way he had never witnessed before. He shook his head. He didn’t know. He didn’t know Spencer felt that way, that their separation had taken such a toll on him. Of course he didn’t think he was happy dreaming of rainbows and unicorns, but he didn’t know the extent of his misery. He shouldn’t have assumed that he did.

He shook his head again at his own guilt and stupidity. He just wished Friday night never happened. He wished that somehow everything went back to how things were before. He took the coffee out of the cupboard and put a dozen full-spoons in the machine. He pressed the button for it to start making the coffee and waited right there for it to finish. A moment later, he heard hesitant steps coming from behind him, so he turned around to see who was there. He tried to conceal the shock and surprise that tried to surface on his face at seeing Spencer, but he didn’t know if he did a good job. He didn’t get the chance to talk, before Spencer started, or tried to talk. It was obvious the kid needed to get whatever he wanted to say off his chest.

Reid had come here with the sole purpose of telling Derek he remembered. He had acted wrong this morning, but none of what he said was a lie and he didn’t regret saying them. Maybe the volume the words got out was inappropriate, but he only spoke the truth. And truth be told, that fight led him to really think about Friday night. It helped him reach the conclusion the others had reached before him, that Derek didn’t hurt him intentionally. But now that he was standing right in front of him he was nervous. He was rubbing his neck and tried to keep eye contact, even though he didn’t succeed all the time. “Hey,” he started, though he had no idea how to continue, “uh, uh…,” he sighed. He closed his eyes and took a breath. When he opened them again he looked at Derek, still rubbing his neck, and said, “I-I’m sorry about this morning. I shouldn’t-”

Derek stepped in at that moment and interrupted him, “No, don’t apologize.” He couldn’t have Spencer take all the blame. Derek had been pushing him and that was unacceptable. “I’m the one who should be sorry.  I was angry and I acted like a douche and I said things I had no right to say.” He took one step forward as he said, “And I’m sorry, Spencer. You did nothing wrong.”

Spencer shook his head. Derek was wrong. He did something wrong. Something really wrong. Suddenly tears were pooling in his eyes as he thought back to how he blamed Derek for betraying him. How he blamed him for everything. He broke up with him and he didn’t even let him explain things first! He had been so sure. It was his fault he had been miserable the past four days away from Derek, because he didn’t listen. He should have. “I did. I did something wrong Derek and I,” the tears were threatening to spill, but he didn’t let them. He could see Derek’s pained expression and his right hand as a fist on the side as he was trying to keep himself from reaching out. Spencer fought through his guilt and went on, “… I just…I thought about, about Friday night and I-I remember everything.” He kept eye contact as he was admitting the truth, “I remember what really happened and I was wrong. You didn’t kiss her.” He chuckled humorlessly as he said, “You actually were repulsed by it, I just wasn’t ready to confront my own mind about it.” That was when he looked at the far wall, ashamed and disbelieving as he thought about what his own brain conjured up. “I can’t believe that my brain would manipulate memories. I remember everything that’s happened in my life. It makes you wonder I guess… is it all a lie?” he asked rhetorically in a small voice.

Derek hated to see Spencer in such agony. He was glad that he remembered, but Spencer was starting to lose faith in himself and that is not good. All his life his brain had been his biggest asset, his most important tool and now that had betrayed him. Now Spencer was going to doubt everything he’s ever experienced and Derek can’t let him do that. He knew Spencer didn’t expect an answer, but nonetheless he had one for him. “We’ve all got demons we don’t want to confront Spencer, and sometimes those happen to be our own memories.”

Spencer heard what Derek said, but he wasn’t ready for that talk now. It was a long one, and there was no time. Neither was this the place for such conversation. But he took to heart what he said, and locked it away for later analysis. He nodded and deflected, “Anyway, that doesn’t mean that everything’s fine, that it doesn’t hurt anymore. I only wanted to say that I forgive you.” He didn’t know how much he meant it until those words let his lips. It felt as if a big weight left his shoulders. It was as if his heart wasn’t as broken as before. _He_ wasn’t as broken as before. Before he moved to leave, he said with a small smile on his face, “That’s a step to the right direction, don’t you think?”

But Derek didn’t know what to think. It was a big step towards what direction exactly? To re-establishing their relationship? To being well-functioning colleagues again? To being friends? To being best friends? Where exactly are they going? How far are they willing to go? The last sentence just brought a feeling of intense nostalgia for Derek and just like that he was wishing he could somehow do this all over again. Not the break-up part, but his relationship with Spencer. He wished he could repeat everything, because now he knew Spencer was an irrevocable piece of himself. He was someone he didn’t want to live without. He was the one he wanted to cherish for as long as he could and share his life with him. He was the puzzle piece he had been missing all those years that made him complete, and now that he knew that, he wouldn’t let him go if he had another chance. That made him speak up and stop the young doctor from leaving, “Hey, Spencer!” When he turned around to look at him, he said, “You know that if I could do this again from the start, I would, right?”

Spencer understood what he meant. There were times, more often than not, that he agreed. “Yeah, me too,” he said quietly, not sure if Derek heard him.

Derek did hear him, and as he was stepping out of the room following Spencer, his coffee cup long forgotten now, he saw JJ coming towards them, while the rest of the team was coming out of the conference room. “Hey guys, we’re ready to deliver the profile” she said and they all moved to the main room where all of the officers were waiting patiently for the FBI agents to inform them of their findings.

 

* * *

 

They were all gathered in the main room of the police department. The officers were scattered around, others sitting on chairs or desks, and others leaning against the wall. They were getting antsy. One of their own was missing and the moment they connected his disappearance with this UnSub, the case became personal to each and every one of them. They wanted to catch him. They wanted him to pay for what he had done. Soon they would start losing faith in the profilers believing they can get him on their own rather than let themselves be pushed around by the ‘FBI’s elite’. So, as soon as the BAU team settled opposite the other officers, Hotch didn’t waste any time. He started giving out the profile. “The UnSub’s name is Steven Jameson. His ability of subduing his victims without being seen tells us he is physically strong, at least average built. We also believe he drives a dark colored sedan, so be alert for any unusual reports regarding such vehicles.”

Morgan took the reigns then. He looked at the officers in front of him and said, straining each word so that they could see the importance, “He is smart. Meticulous. Organized.”

“He is a sadist,” Rossi went on. “He’s almost like an Angel of Death. He thinks he’s making his victims stronger. He thinks that what he does is his duty, his job. He seeks for power that he’s never had in his life and he thinks that he’s saving them, showing them the right path so to speak.”

JJ spoke next, “He seems normal to the world. He appears friendly and he doesn’t lack the social skills, but he doesn’t really trust people.”

“That’s because he has severe abandonment issues which were probably the trigger for him to do what he does,” Morgan explained.

“His social records indicate that he was abused as a child. He was adopted by a family that was abusing him. They used the power they had against him to shape him the way they wanted their son to be,” Blake said in an almost compassionate voice. She strongly disliked parents who thought they were the children’s masters instead of their caregivers.

Reid spoke factually, “Which is probably why he identifies with who can be seen as the weakest link in a group, so by abducting them, he thinks he can make them stronger.”

Morgan took over from there adding, “He recently suffered a loss that made him feel abandoned once again. It was the stressor for him to start killing. Look for loss of a relative, a break-up, or a pet even. Now, we know he lost his job of four years and had to settle for a menial one.”  

Before he could go on, an officer raised his hand to ask a question. “Couldn’t it be just his job that he lost?”

“In the Washington, D.C. area a serial sniper John Allen Muhammad, a former U.S. Army Staff Sergeant, and Lee Boyd Malvo killed primarily for anger and thrill motivations,” Reid said. “They were able to terrorize the greater Washington D.C. metro area for three weeks shooting 13 victims. 10 of them were killed,” he pursed his lips in a tight line. “They are suspected in a number of other shootings in seven other states.”

Morgan looked at Reid fleetingly and helped him get his point across. “What Dr. Reid is trying to say is that it could be. But the kind of stressor that made him beat his victims to death stems from a greater anger. He lost his job, but he still managed to find another one. The loss that is the stressor is something that he couldn’t replace.”

“Wasn’t his mother murdered?” Detective Rylings asked.

“She was, but that happened a long time ago. The stressor is more recent. Maybe it is his father that’s been MIA since he got out of prison,” Morgan shrugged. But that was all speculation and if they were to build an airtight case against Jameson, they needed facts. “We don’t really know.”

“Teamwork is imperative for this UnSub,” Rossi said. “Anyone who poses a threat to a team, is seen as the enemy. He is his own team, so approach with caution.” This UnSub is organized and probably goal oriented and that made him dangerous, because people like that usually don’t let others get in their way and get out unscathed.

JJ made sure to mention their tactics regarding the media, “Steven Jameson is not a preferential criminal. That’s why we should warn the public to be vigilant. We should also release the UnSub’s picture to the media so that they know who they should be looking out for.”

“Be careful,” Hotch warned the officers. “There’s reason to believe he has an endgame planned for this and he hasn’t completed it yet.” The UnSub wanted them to get close and Hotch didn’t know why. He should be trying to get away from the police, not caught. “By going after him, we are disrupting that plan. He won’t abandon it just like that. He will fight to make it happen.” He looked at each and every one of them sternly, delivering through his look the heaviness of the situation. “He won’t go down easily, or quietly for that matter. Thank you.” When the officers got all of their notes written down, they went to their captain to get instructions, while the FBI team started to go back to where they had settled.

Reid leaned off the desk he had been sitting on, ready to go back to the conference room when someone grabbing his arm stopped him. The warmth of the touch betrayed who it was before he turned around.

“Hey, Reid,” Derek said trying to stop the agent, but he didn’t listen. So he reached out and grabbed his arm. “Wait,” he said. He was glad to see that Spencer didn’t flinch at the contact. Maybe that was a step to the right direction. When the hazel-eyed man though turned to look at him, all words escaped him. “I-” , he started but he didn’t know what he was going to say. What? That he wanted another chance? That he wanted to start again? This wasn’t the time or place for such request. No. It needed a more intimate environment, without every officer of Ironville staring at them. But he didn’t get the chance to speak, because then the Captain walked hurriedly towards them and said “We found the officer’s body,” and just like that, he let go of Spencer’s arm and ignored his confused look. Instead he followed the others to the SUV’s and drove, following the instructions to the latest disposal sight.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take long for them to reach their latest crime scene. It took them around five minutes to get there. This body was not dumped near a dumpster or hidden in an alley. This time the body was placed under a tree in Armco Park, right behind the State Police. Detective Rylings looked at his surroundings with disdain, “The bastard has the nerve to leave an officer’s body right behind us.” Granted, it was at the edge of the park, but still the police presence is supposed to be heightened in this area, and yet no one saw a thing.

“This is not a taunt,” Reid said in a clipped tone, inspecting the body closely.

“What? How can you say that? He practically left a body in our backyard!” The detective was really close to losing his patience. He spoke harshly to Reid, in a way that no detective should speak to an agent, but they all ignored it, understanding the man’s stress.

“He did leave the body close to the station,” Rossi said, “but not necessarily because he wanted to taunt us. The body is posed. That shows remorse. He probably wanted to leave the officer close where he belonged.”

“His death was an accident,” Hotch concluded.

“Are you kidding me right now? He murdered him!!” Detective Rylings said, looking incredulously at the older agent before him.

“He did, but he didn’t mean to,” Hotch said gently but with an authority in his tone as well.

The agents stayed around for a bit more to see if the CSU team would find anything useful, but as they feared they didn’t. Some of the police officers stayed back to question every human being in sight. They were determined to find their co-worker’s killer even if that meant working 24/7 to accomplish this.

The BAU team was now back in the conference room, and as Rossi walked in, he said, “He kept this victim for a much shorter span of time than the others and he got rid of the body immediately. Why?”

Hotch almost shrugged, “He’s closer to what he really wants. He’s ready to end this.”

JJ had been thinking about this. This time the damage on the officer was notably less than on the other victims. Maybe he didn’t get to finish before the officer died, or maybe there was a reason he couldn’t inflict the same torture. She remembered every time she had gotten bruised after an intense hand-to-hand combat and got an idea. “If he hits them with his bare hands repeatedly for an extensive amount of time, wouldn’t that mean he’s hurting his own hands as well?”

Hotch nodded at this and ordered immediately, “Call Garcia to check hospital records that fit the injuries we’re looking for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this is a small chapter, but the next one is going to be updated very very soon. Sorry for taking so long to update. It had been a really bad week, so...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it! 
> 
> This is my tumblr in case you were interested: http://puddingwillbeouralways.tumblr.com  
> Be warned, I'm still trying to figure it out.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!  
> -RC


	15. Chapter 15

It was one of those moments when there was nothing the team could do. Captain Metts had taken over informing the public with JJ, Garcia was still looking for recent hospital records for Steven Jameson in case he left a real address in any of those and was looking at the same time for his father who was currently off the grid. The rest of them were waiting patiently for the coroner’s report to see what was so different about this victim that the UnSub would feel remorse for. So, Spencer went to get another cup of coffee. Honestly, he had stopped counting after cup number three. But if he was going to wait, then he’d better have something to keep him alert while doing so. He was putting the sugar in the cup when he heard a knock on the door. He turned around and saw detective Rylings leaning against the doorframe, but before he had any chance to say something, the handsome detective was already speaking.

“Hey, uhm, I’m sorry about before,” he said, looking at the young agent. He had lost his cool at the crime scene before and that had been wrong. He hadn’t talked much to the young doctor, but what he had seen had intrigued him. He felt compelled to find out more. “You know, yelling at you,” he looked down at the floor in shame.

Reid grabbed his cup and turned around to look at the detective. “It’s fine. I understand the stress you’re under.”

Rylings nodded in response, but he didn’t want their conversation to be over yet, so he tried another approach, “So, you do that a lot, uh?”

Reid blinked at his question confused, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Going after serial killers,” Rylings shrugged. “You do it every day.” He was a detective himself in homicide, but what he had witnessed on this case was more that gruesome. It was heinous. He didn’t know how someone could come face to face with such situations willingly every day.

“Actually serial murder is a rare event,” Reid started. “It is estimated to comprise less than one percent of all murders committed in any given year. But taking into consideration the population of the United States, which is 318.9 million citizens –” He saw the detective’s raised eyebrows and realized he started rambling, so he closed his mouth, pursing his lips in a tight line and simply answered his question, “Yeah, I do that a lot.”

“I imagine it doesn’t always end well, does it?” Rylings took a step inside the room and settled against the counter as he waited for the young doctor to reply.

“No, it doesn’t unfortunately,” he said looking down at his cup, leaning against the counter himself. He didn’t know how come the detective was speaking to him about something that didn’t really affect the case, but he wasn’t going to be rude about it. Detective Rylings was handsome, he would give him that, but he didn’t know what he was doing here exactly. He got a friendly vibe off of him, but he didn’t know what that meant. They rarely made friends with the officers they helped along their career path.

“So what keeps you going?” He asked, interested in what he had to say.

Reid had thought about that plenty of times. Every time he saw something that seemed surreal, he questioned what he did, what the BAU did. He had found his answer. This job was his calling, so to say. He belonged here. However, that’s not what he said to the blond detective. “I-I don’t know.” Not that he didn’t know the answer. He did, but it was too personal to reveal it to a stranger.

He could see he was holding back, but he didn’t pry. He respected the man’s privacy. Instead he tried to make a joke and steer the conversation from getting dangerously serious, “Well, I guess the private jet must be a really big plus, right?” he smirked at him in the way that many had fallen for before.

“Yeah. I guess it is. I think they’re bribing us with it,” Reid grinned at him.

“And the fully stocked minibar,” Rylings raised an eyebrow at him, as if he was challenging him to deny that.

That brought a chuckle out him. “That’s definitely a bribe.” There had been a number of times one of them had needed the alcohol provided to unwind after a particularly dark case.

“I don’t see you reporting it or anything,” the detective teased.

Reid grinned at him, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d say a flirtatious aura was beginning to settle around them. “Why would I do that?” Reid smirked, innocently taking a sip from his cup.

That made the detective laugh, but his joy was short-lived. Something made the young agent become serious again, something behind him. It made him close off, no sign of the previous smirk on his face. Not a second later he found out why.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m just here to get a cup of coffee.” That was true. But as he was coming here, Derek had seen Spencer smirk almost flirtatiously and it shocked him to his core. It was like a punch to his stomach. Spencer had been flirting with another guy and it hurt. But there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. He knew though that the picture would be printed in his head forever.

“No, you didn’t interrupt anything,” Reid was quick to respond. For some reason he felt embarrassed to be caught talking in a friendly manner with the detective. If anyone else had caught him, he wouldn’t have minded. But it was Derek. Derek, the one who had apologized about their morning’s screaming match in the hotel’s hallway. Derek, the one who had told him he’d do it all over again. Derek, the one who Spencer would do it all over again for. Somehow, he didn’t want to give him the wrong opinion. So he avoided eye contact with either of the men and tried to get away. “Actually I have to get back to work.”

The detective saw the doctor step away, but he had one last thing to say before he went, so he grabbed his arm as he walked by him to stop him. “Hey, it was nice talking to you,” he said gently.

When Rylings caught his arm, the touch felt foreign, unwanted. It was expected that he flinched and judging by Derek’s eyes burning through him, he noticed the reaction. The detective’s voice was gentle when he spoke, but for some reason he didn’t like what he heard in his tone. It made him uneasy. He glanced at Derek once before nodding at the officer and leaving the room.

Rylings then walked to stand next to the other agent, towards the cupboard, and got the tea out. As he poured warm water in a cup, he asked, “So, is he single?”

“Who? Reid?” Derek asked, his eyebrows raised, his tone clipped. When the detective nodded, a spark of anger went through him, but he didn’t let it grow. He hated that the answer to the man’s question was yes and it was his fault that was true. But the man didn’t know he knew, did he? So, there was no reason to reply. “How would I know?” he said, moving the spoon around in his cup to mix the sugar with the coffee.

“I assumed since you’re co-workers and all...” Rylings started hoping that the agent would finish the sentence himself. But the only reply he got was an intense gaze, a stiff shrug of his shoulders and him walking away, so he guessed the other man wasn’t going to be of any help. “I’ll find out myself then,” he muttered to himself as he prepared his tea.

 

* * *

 

 

Reid walked into the conference room where Hotch, Rossi and Blake were as if nothing happened, putting his cup on the table as soon as it was within reach.

“Where were you all this time?” Rossi asked, looking at him knowingly with a raised eyebrow.

“Getting coffee,” he said innocently, ignoring the fact that Rossi and the rest probably knew something else had happened as well. “Anything new?” he asked referring to the case. At that moment Derek walked into the room with a cup of coffee in his hands as well. He took a seat at the other end of the table, opposite Hotch and two seats over Reid and as he sat down he ignored Reid all together.

Rossi looked at him as well suspiciously and amused. “Let me guess. You were getting coffee too,” he said pointing his finger at him with a slight grin on his lips.

That made Morgan raise his eyebrows at the man. “Yeah. Why? Something wrong with getting coffee Rossi?”

Hotch intervened with information about the case, before those two got into a conversation that would surely make everyone in the room uncomfortable. “We just got the coroner’s report,” he said.

“That was fast,” Morgan said.

Blake looked at him with a kind look on her face, “Well, time is of the essence.”

Reid and Morgan got the files that Hotch gave them and looked them over – well Derek looked them over. Reid read it. As he saw the examiner’s findings, Morgan reached the conclusion, “So, his death was an accident.”

“I don’t know if one can call that an accident,” Rossi started, leaning back on his chair and folding his hands in front of him, “but it’s inconsistent with what happened to the other victims.”

“So why didn’t he want to kill him?” Morgan asked.

“We know that he tries to make them stronger. Maybe with the officer he was being successful,” Blake offered as an explanation.

“Possible,” Hotch agreed.

“Then why keep on hurting him? Why not let him go?” Rossi wondered.

“Because the four days he keeps them for weren’t over yet. He wasn’t done,” Hotch explained.

Heavy silence settled in the room. They all knew what that meant. His last victim had died and not because the UnSub wanted him to. Fate or luck had disrupt his ritual and that was something he couldn’t let go just like that. He wasn’t done yet. After every victim he was getting closer to his goal. He was building up to something that the death of this person would either act as a catalyst and the UnSub will jump to his final goal, or it will be his undoing, the shatter of his confidence and he will start killing all over again to start from the beginning. Either option was equally ominous.

The heavy atmosphere was lifted when the phone rang and Garcia’s cheery voice sounded on speaker once Hotch answered the call. “Tell me how much you love me, because I, my darlings, have great news for you. I found our bad guy’s father. He was just arrested for petty theft and is currently sleeping in a holding cell in the Boyd County Police Station,” they couldn’t see her, but it was like they could hear the grin on her face as she spoke on the line.

“I’ll inform Captain Metts. Can you tell them to bring them in?” Hotch said.

“Already did sir. They will be there in ten minutes.”

“Thanks Garcia,” Hotch said as he ended the call. He didn’t stay there though. He went immediately to the Captain’s office to inform him of the situation. After all, he needed to convince him to let his agents take the lead in the interview. As Alex had said before, time is of the essence and they couldn’t afford beating around the bush long enough for the Ironville PD to realize they weren’t going to break him. The man knew the law and how the police officers worked. He had been against them enough times to figure out how to evade them. They needed answers and they needed them as soon as possible.

Reid watched through the window as Hotch was arguing with the Captain. He probably wanted his officers to lead the interview. One of their own had been taken right under their noses and was murdered and now the Captain had taken this case personally. Reid knew Hotch was going to win in the end. They usually fell for the threat of losing the case all together and it becoming a federal matter. At times like this it was obvious what Hotch used to do. At times where a case was at stake and the safety of his own team, the prosecutor in him got control and it wasn’t easy to fight him off. Minutes later he saw who must be the UnSub’s father being brought in by two police officers. He had on a superior look on his face knowing the police needed him and he was probably prepared to deal his way off of his latest charges. He watched as he was being lead to an interview room and Captain Metts looked where he once was long after Jameson’s father was out of his sight. Reid saw the Captain’s shoulders sag and his head fall in resignation and he nodded at whatever Hotch had told him. Not a moment later, Hotch was out of the office and was walking fast towards the conference room where the rest of the agents were waiting. “Reid,” he said once he got inside and he understood what he wanted. It was going to be his interview. The father was most likely to react to someone young who could verbally hold his own and then some against him and Reid was their best choice.

They all got up from their seat to follow Hotch. Reid grabbed the file and went into the interview room while the others chose to look from the two-way mirror.

 

* * *

 

The Captain walked in behind the other agents and looked at the room on the other side of the glass curiously. When he saw the too young doctor sit opposite their suspect’s father, he got skeptical. He couldn’t believe how the team’s supervisor vetted for this young man to lead the interview instead of any of his officers. He turned to agent Hotchner then and asked, “No offense or anything, but why did you send the young guy in?”

Hotch looked at him as if he expected such question. Everyone doubted Reid’s abilities, but none of them knew him like his team did. “Men like him who extort such kind of control in other people’s lives are easily infuriated by others who they perceive as minimal threat, but they look down on him. Add the fact that he is an alcoholic, it is more likely for him to become angry faster.”

 

* * *

 

Reid looked through the file so slowly as if he was reading it for the first time. He turned the photos from the crime scenes and the bodies particularly slowly, knowing that was where the man’s attention was going to be. Once he knew he had made him curious, he spoke, but he didn’t even look up at him once he did so, “You know, predisposition to serial killing is biological, social and psychological in nature and it is not limited to any specific characteristic or trait.” He paused for a moment to look at him then judgingly and said in an annoyingly confused tone, “Well, looking at you I can see how they reached such conclusion.”

“What do you mean?” The man, Frank, huffed.

He narrated the man’s rap-sheet from memory and watched as the man’s eyes widened at first upon realizing it was from memory and then anger seeped in his eyes. “Plenty of DUIs which is an indication to alcoholism, domestic abuse, child abuse, aggravated assault, now petty theft.” And for the punch line Reid asked knowingly, “Tell me, did you enjoy hitting you son?”

“What?!” Frank asked what anyone else would say affronted, but Reid could see the layer of fear that had a strong grip on him at the thought of being caught.

“Did you enjoy the sound of your son’s arm breaking in three places as you held him tight with the excuse of teaching him a lesson?” Reid went on.

“Shut up!” Frank yelled, bringing his hands hard upon the table.

Reid barely flinched. After all, the man was reacting right the way he wanted him to. “Did you like it when you pushed him down the stairs?”

 

* * *

 

“What is he doing?” The captain asked afraid of what was going to happen in the room in front of him.

“Getting him angry,” Hotch said in a grave tone. He only hoped this won’t get physical.

 

* * *

 

“I’m warning you boy!” Frank said waving a finger angrily at him.

That was good. He saw him as a boy and that was what they were going for. “Did you feel satisfaction running through you when he screamed in pain as you broke your son’s skin with a butter knife?”

That was what got to him. The fact that they knew about the butter knife was what pushed him over the edge, and he got up, getting closer to the agent, screaming at him, “I told you to shut up!”

He had him right where he wanted him. Reid was not about to stop now. So he got up himself and leaned forward, asking him the question this was all about, “Where is Steven?!”

“Just shut up!” Frank screamed as he grabbed Reid collar and brought him closer.

Reid flinched at being pulled with such force but he didn’t let it show on his face. So he asked again, “Where is your son, Frank?!”

“Stop talking! I warned you!” He said as he pulled his hand back in a fist ready to hit the infuriating agent in front of him. But before he could do that, he was being pulled back by someone else, someone strong. He thrashed in the man’s hold fighting to be let go, screaming to let him teach that boy a lesson. But then the agent was right in front of him and he was pinned on the wall, an arm against his neck making it difficult to breathe.

“You don’t get to lay your hands on him!” Derek shouted at the man in from of him, the man that had tried to assault Reid in a room surrounded by FBI agents and police officers.

He watched at the fury in the agent’s eyes and something suddenly clicked in his head. “So only you can do it, huh?” He spat at him and watched as the anger multiplied in his eyes. The agent though didn’t speak. The other one was already out of the room, lead away by some older guy who could only be his supervisor. The dark-skinned agent let him go with one push, and left the room, leaving the police officers to deal with him accordingly, while he went to check on Reid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're getting closer and closer to the end. Let me remind you that this story is going to have 18 chapters. So if you have any questions about the case or anything else, feel free to do so.
> 
> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> -RC


	16. Chapter 16

Spencer stormed into the conference room, mad at Derek and his insanely protective nature. He hadn’t been afraid or scared in there. He wasn’t afraid of Frank Jameson, the man whose actions created a serial killer. He had been so close to breaking him. So, so close, only for Derek and Hotch to come in and let it all go downhill. He leaned on the table, put his weight on his arms and tried to breathe in and out at a steady pace. When he heard the door open, he turned to see who it was and when he saw Derek standing there frowning at him in concern, the anger flared up within him. He turned to him furious, and yelled, “What the hell were you thinking, Derek?!”

“What was I thinking?” Derek asked him furious. He had been looking at the whole scene unravel from the two-way mirror. He had recognized the tactic Spencer had used to rile Frank up, but he also knew right away he was uncomfortable with how the scenario could play out. He didn’t want it to play out. He didn’t care that it meant he was mixing his personal life with his professional one, but if Hotch berating him for his behavior or even suspending him for a week meant that Spencer would be fine, then so be it. “He was about to hit you, Spencer!” He watched as the man in front of him looked back at him with a raging gleam in his eyes and he knew how selfless Spencer could be, but Derek wasn’t Spencer.

“So what?!” Spencer said exasperated, throwing his hands up in the air.

“So what?!” Derek asked incredulously, the tension in the room rising along with his rage. “Are you serious right now?!” he raised his voice.

“I am not afraid of him!” Spencer claimed defensively. Why couldn’t Derek see that what he had done had been wrong? Why was it so hard for him to understand that he had no right to get involved in his interview? They could have broken the case!

“I don’t care if you’re scared of him or not,” Derek started in a calm voice, not the comforting one, but the one which impended a storm, “but I wasn’t about to watch as I let him physically assault you!” Why was it so hard for Reid to get it through his thick skull that people cared about him? That people would rather risk the case than let bodily harm come upon him? Why didn’t he understand that for others an interview was not more important than his own safety?

“He was about to give Jameson’s location!” he shouted, trying to make Derek understand. Derek had no right to act like he did. Spencer was not his to protect. “And I’m not a damsel in distress that you need to save, Derek!”

“Well I am sorry for not letting you get punched in the face, Spencer! It won’t happen again!” Derek yelled back sarcastically. At this point they had stopped really listening to what the other person was saying and they were only trying to force their own opinion upon the other.

Spencer put his hands through his hair in frustration and tried one last approach, “We could have been out there right now arresting him before he murders someone else!”

Derek didn’t wait for him to finish that sentence. He was shaking his head at him before he even completed it. Spencer didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how he felt when he saw Frank Jameson getting angrier by the second, all of his anger concentrated on the only person in the room. He didn’t understand how Derek felt when Frank Jameson got up from his seat and started threatening Spencer. He didn’t understand how Derek’s heart stopped beating when Frank pulled his hand in a fist ready to pounce and only started beating again when he knew Spencer was safe and sound. Spencer just didn’t understand. “I don’t care!” he shouted with all the emotions he could muster so that Spencer could really see into him.

Both men were focused onto their fight that neither of them registered the commotion they were causing. Yes, they were in an enclosed space that was reserved for the FBI team, but they had raised their voices and both of them said things inappropriate for the workplace. Neither of them had noticed the uncomfortable police officers who were trying to act as if nothing was going on and at the same time eavesdrop on the agents’ fight. Well, at least not until Hotch intervened.

At first he had thought the two of them could figure things out on their own, but it seemed as though unresolved issues were coming to the surface, issues Hotch didn’t want to be aware of and he needed to put a stop to this fight before things got even more strained between his team. He walked into the conference room and said firmly, “That’s enough.” Both of the men looked immediately at their supervisor, the anger still too prominent on their faces for the embarrassment to take place. “We have a killer to stop and we need to find a way to get Steven’s father talking as soon as possible.” That put an end to the agents’ fight right away. They could solve this later when they are alone, but for now the team needed to be concentrated.

They all took a case file in their hands. Maybe looking at what had already happened, looking at the behavior Steven had already followed maybe that would give them the key to his father’s background. Garcia had checked. There were not many things to be known about Frank Jameson. The family he grew up in was the usual patriarchic one that governed the world at that time. There were complaints for domestic abuse by the neighbors but nothing ever stuck. All they could speculate was that Frank’s father was abusive to his wife and son, but they didn’t know any details. They didn’t know what shaped him to be who he is today. So maybe looking through his son’s eyes would help.

But Reid couldn’t do that right now. He couldn’t focus. He was still too shaken up to go back to work immediately. He was still angry at Derek. Even if he got the casefile in his hands, whatever he would see wouldn’t be accurate. His emotions would cloud his judgment. He needed some air. “Hotch, I’m going outside. I need some air,” he informed his friend and supervisor and walked towards the door.

“Reid, no-”

Before Hotch had the chance to complete his argument, Reid interrupted him, “I just need to be alone for a minute.” That was all he said and walked out leaving Hotch behind looking at him with a frown.

Hotch didn’t want Reid going outside alone. The UnSub had a final goal, one he hadn’t reached yet and his final victim had been a police officer. Usually this type of killer builds up to their final victim. They need to have perfected their art before they even attempt anything against them. They need to find perfection first. And always the last step to it is acquiring their most desired prey. Hotch worried that his team was a possible target. He wished it was different but they fit the profile. If the UnSub kept his pattern with going after the weakest link of the team, then to the outside world that is Reid, which could only mean one of his agents was in danger.

Morgan saw Hotch frown after Reid left deep in thought. The man didn’t let out many emotions, but the worry coming from him was palpable and made Derek wonder if Hotch knew something he wasn’t sharing with the rest of the team yet. He tried to go back to the case but he couldn’t. His mind kept skipping to his fight with Reid, to everything they said and didn’t mean. He needed to make this right, damn it. So he got up from the chair and said a quiet “I’ll go” to Hotch, which made his shoulders relax even just a little. He considered running outside, but he didn’t want to attract any more attention to himself than he already had, so he walked quickly outside.

As the evening air hit him, it startled him, but at the same time it helped him breathe too. Maybe now he could talk to Reid about them, about Rylings, about everything Reid has been refusing all this time to talk about. And maybe this time they could do it without holding back. His anger was still inside him, but not at Spencer for not understanding, but at himself for losing his cool like that when he already knew how fragile his relationship with the young doctor already is. But as he looked around and there was no Spencer in sight, something cold and uncomfortable settled in his stomach, something he couldn’t shake off. He walked towards the street, not crossing it yet but looking left and right in case Reid was hiding behind a van was something. There was nothing though. Until… Until he caught sight of a brown shoe picking out from under a car. The shoe was wrongly placed. It was as if the person wearing it was… lying down? Why would they-?

His train of thought stopped abruptly as he realized who that shoe belonged to, and he started running to that direction. “Reid!” he yelled, hoping for an answer that maybe the doctor slipped and fell or something. Even a disgruntled ‘Go away’ would be preferable right now. “Spencer!” he yelled again. But no one answered. He reached the car the shoe was under and what he saw made his blood freeze. He immediately fell to his knees, cradled Spencer’s head in his hands. There was a wound on his head that was what probably knocked him unconscious. He tried to shake him to wake him up, he tried to talk to him and get him to respond, “Reid! Come on, wake up. Come on, baby, open those beautiful eyes of yours. Come on!” but nothing happened. He was trying to get his phone out of his pocket and call the others, when he felt a blinding pain on the back of his head and suddenly he was consumed by darkness.

 

* * *

 

It had been almost thirty minutes since Morgan and Reid went out to get some air and neither of them had come back yet. Hotch wasn’t stupid. He knew they weren’t just taking some air. He knew they both needed each other, but the tension between them wasn’t making things easier. The buried anger didn’t let them move on. They had to talk it out. Maybe that was what they were doing outside, but Hotch couldn’t help but worry. There was an UnSub on the loose, and UnSub that has already killed one police officer and they were now waiting for the next person to be missing. It had reached the point where he was checking the watch on his wrist every other minute. Rossi across from him was giving him a knowing look amused but highly concerned as well.

“Relax,” Rossi said, “They’re going to be fine.” He didn’t know who exactly he was trying to convince; himself or the rest of the room.

“I think I’m going to check up on them,” Alex said unable to work while she’s constantly worried about Reid. She knew that whatever was going on between them was intense. She hoped they sort this out, but in case things were not going well out there, she got up and went to see if Spencer needed her. She didn’t wait for Hotch’s permission. She had seen him worry either way, so he wouldn’t mind much.

She was surprised though when she got out of the police department when not only there was no fight happening, there was also no Morgan or Reid to see. She frowned, worried and confused as to why they’d leave and got her cell phone out of her pocket. She pressed number 5 and dialed. Waited to see if Reid would pick up, but it didn’t even ring. It went straight to voicemail. Strange. Reid always had his phone on. They all had to during work hours. She stepped further out to see if they had taken a walk. The street was quiet at this time. She looked around as she called Morgan’s phone. That one didn’t go to voicemail. Instead it rang and rang and it was as if she could hear it. She took the phone away from her ear not hanging up yet and heard a faint ring somewhere to her right. “Morgan?” she almost shouted. “Morgan is that you?” She tried again. Nothing though. She walked towards the sound, he phone still on her side. It was three cars away when she stopped , shock pulsing through her, worry and dread for her colleagues. She didn’t need to check if it was really Morgan’s phone. She could see her own name flashing on the screen. She didn’t hesitate to call the others right away. Hotch picked up on the first ring. “You need to get out here right now,” she said urgently. “All of you, now.” Hotch didn’t even answer before he hung up.

 

* * *

 

Hotch knew something was wrong the moment he heard Alex’s voice. He didn’t even bother replying to her. He just hung up, barked a “Come with me now,” to the others and got outside. At first he didn’t see her. But after looking a bit more thoroughly he found her crouched between two cars. He didn’t even have to ask what happened.  There was Morgan’s phone lying on the ground, two pools of blood right next to it. The blood wasn’t much, but it was enough to conclude that the people that had been hit were not okay. And they all knew those people.

He took his phone out and called Garcia immediately. He didn’t let her greet him, there was no time for that. “Garcia. Find me the security video outside the police department. Find any and all vehicles that passed or left this road about two hours ago till now. Find out who they belong to and do it quickly.”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Garcia replied, shocked for a moment at the order. “I can do that,” she said as she started typing already, but as far as she knew there was no development in the case that made it necessary for her to do that. What was going on? “Is everything okay?”

Hotch hesitated for a moment, but he knew he couldn’t keep this from her. He needed his team, what was left of it, to work more efficiently than ever. They all needed to know what had happened, what was at stake here. “Garcia,” he said as gently as he could but still firm because there was no time for sentimentalities, “Reid and Morgan were kidnapped.”

Garcia froze. Her fingers stopped typing, her lungs stopped working for a second. “What?!” She asked breathlessly. “How? H-” she knew she was staring to panic, but her Chocolate God has been kidnapped and her Pretty Boy Wonder has- Oh, God. The UnSub got to them, didn’t he? She didn’t finish her research in time even if there was nothing more to find, but there must be something! There must be something she can find! Oh, God, what -

“Garcia,” Hotch demanded. It was as if he could hear the wheels in her head turning a mile a second, blaming herself for not being fast enough with finding the UnSub and now her friends were taken because of her. Though none of that was true. No one knew this would happen, and even if they did, dwelling into the ‘what ifs’ wouldn’t help find the missing agents. They needed to focus on solving the case. “Find them.”

“I will,” she said confidently in a small voice before she hung up.

“How is that even possible?” JJ questioned trying to keep her head from imagining the worst case scenario. “How could they be taken right outside a police department?”

“Don’t they have patrols outside?” Alex asked next. She was right, there should be officers patrolling the grounds, but unfortunately with a serial killer running around free they didn’t have staff to cover all bases. Needless to say, that they didn’t expect him to hit right outside their door.

Hotch didn’t answer. He remained stoic and focused instead, and gave directions to his team. “It doesn’t matter. We can get our answers later when we get the UnSub, but first we need to find out where he is. Go through the profile again, through Frank’s profile, anything. Find a way to break him.” Meanwhile, he had to talk to Captain. Now that two FBI agents were kidnapped it was officially a federal investigation and it was time they did things their way.

 

* * *

 

Spencer woke up feeling groggy, just how he should feel after being hit on the head hard enough to knock him unconscious.

“Reid?”

Someone was calling out to him, but his head hurt and he knew opening his eyes would be painful. Not the action itself, but what came after was never pleasant. He had been kidnapped enough times to at least know that.

“Reid!”

But the voice was urgent, almost… concerned? Wait, he knew that voice. At the third time the voice called his name – at least the third time he heard it – he opened his eyes, even though it took a lot energy out of him to do so. He took in the dark room he was in, barely some light getting in from the blinds. It was an empty room, with a hardwood floor. The walls bare, no sign of a personal touch around, which was a sign itself. Across from him was Derek, blood that had stopped a while ago trickling down his face was now dry on the side of his temple right to his jaw. He saw his lips moving and somehow it was as if someone pressed play as sound filled his ears. “-ncer!” he heard. “Derek,” he said, his voice coming out scratchy at first.

“Spencer, are you okay?” He asked, sounding concerned and honestly pissed off.

“Uh, y-yes,” he said, trying to move though he knew it was pointless. He knew the UnSub has drugged them with rohypnol, he could feel his muscles all relaxed. He couldn’t go anywhere. But as he tagged at his hands, he felt them tied to his back. He looked at Derek and said with a frown, “He tied my hands.”

“He knows who we are,” Derek concluded, but if that was so, why was he free?

As if Spencer was reading his mind, he asked, “But why me? I’m not the threat here.”

“Reid,” Morgan started and Reid knew that tone of voice. He was about to argue, but the young genius didn’t let him finish. He spoke over him as he said, “I’m not trying to be self-deprecating. At the first look, you are the strongest of the two of us and if he knows us like you said, then he should know about your fighting skills,” Spencer finished panting, letting his weight fall back on the chair, the wound on his head just a dull throb at the back of his mind.

“Then why are you the one tied up?” Derek finished for him.

Spencer nodded and immediately regretted that since it probably hurt more than speaking. He was ready to speak, but then a door opened and their UnSub walked in. He looked at them, studied them both carefully as he said, “I see you two are getting cozy.”

“The rohypnol is making it a little difficult, but we’ve managed so far,” Reid said, making eye contact with the UnSub, his poker face intact.

“Ah, right. You’re the smart one,” the UnSub nodded as if he remembered something. Of course he had done his research on them. Of course he didn’t kidnap just whoever. He took the ones he wanted the most, the ones that could be the success he has been looking for that brings his father home; the weakest and the strongest link of the team. “But your brain doesn’t really make up for your lack in,” he paused trying to choose something that will get him inside the doctor’s head, and he shrugged as he simply went with “… well, everything really. Does it?” Steven kneeled in front of him, looking at him in the eye, waiting for him to contradict the statement. His face stayed impassive, but he knew he had hit a nerve. He must have.

“The FBI doesn’t need me for everything.” Reid said, remaining calm. He needed to form a connection with him. He couldn’t contradict him. He couldn’t say he was stronger than he looked, or that he had trained with Morgan several times after his life had been threatened one time too many. As far as the UnSub was concerned he was the weakest in his team and Spencer planned to play along.

“Right. They have that guy over there for all the _physical_ stuff, huh?” The UnSub said pointing at Morgan, his tone hinting at something that wasn’t really clear yet.

“He’s stronger than me.” Reid could see Derek biting his lip to keep his mouth shut out of the corner of his eye. He always hated when he talked himself down like that. He always told him that he didn’t see what he was seeing, but that was not the moment for that. This was no time for being self-conscious. This was him doing his job, nothing else.

“Well, we’re going to change that, aren’t we?” He said with a determined tone, as if he was making a promise.

“No, you’re not,” Morgan said before Reid even had the chance to speak. He knew how he tried to change people and he wasn’t going to let him anywhere near Spencer if he had his way. He needed to get the UnSub’s attention to himself.

Steven turned to the other agent and looked at him calculatingly as he said, “Do you really believe that?”

“You want your father back. Do you really think a desperate, pathetic attempt at changing people he doesn’t give a fuck about will have him running back? Do you really not know your father at all?”

Steven grabbed him roughly and shook him, trying to contain his anger at someone else talking about his father, the man who raised him, someone that has never even met him. “You don’t know my father. You don’t get to talk about him. Do you understand me?” He said in a warning tone.

Derek chuckled and not with humor, “Oh, but I know all about him.” He saw the UnSub tense at these words so he went on, knowing he was getting to him, “I know what he did to you or how your mother ignored it.” His jaw clenched, his fists were kept firmly on his shoulders though he could feel them shake, the rage building up as Derek talked, “I know how he used that butter knife on you but she wasn’t there to hear you scream, I know ho-” He didn’t get to finish his sentence. The UnSub’s fist connected with his jaw so suddenly, that it pushed his whole head back. If there was one thing he could admit about the UnSub, it was that he definitely knew how to throw a punch. His ears were ringing for a moment but as the sound cleared, he heard the UnSub screaming at him.

“Stop talking! You have no idea what you’re talking about! My father was there for me!” Every sentence was punctuated with a punch and at every punch Derek could hear Spencer shouting at them to stop. But he was doing this for him. It was better him being hit than Spencer. And that was not because he thought Spencer was weak or fragile or that he couldn’t take a punch. God knew none of that was true. No, he was doing this because he wanted to protect him, because he loved him and he’s already been through enough. If he had his way, Spencer would never feel any pain again, but life didn’t really care about his way. He didn’t give up though. Four punches were nothing compared to what this man has done to the other victims before him. He shook his head when he stopped and spat blood on the side away from Spencer. He looked at him and smirked, “Where is he now? Where is your father now?!” He could see that was the last straw. It was as if something broke in his eyes, as if something gave away.

Spencer couldn’t move; the drug in his system was not letting his body co-operate with his mind. He wanted to get up and push Steven away. He wanted to maybe knock the chair he was sitting on over the UnSub’s head, but regardless the endless possibilities of what ifs, he couldn’t really do a thing. All he could do was talk to him, yell at him, make him stop. It was as if with every punch Derek took Spencer was the one that felt the pain and he wanted the pain to stop. He screamed and screamed, “Stop!”, but the UnSub didn’t listen. It was as if Spencer wasn’t even there and he couldn’t let that be. “Steven!” he yelled and watched as the UnSub stopped with his fist raised in the air as he was about to make his fist collide with Derek’s face, but that didn’t happen. Instead, Steve waited and Spencer went on, “ Just stop,” he hated how his voice broke. He hated that he showed that much emotion to the person that wanted to change him with his fists like all the other bullies in his past. But he cared about Derek deeply enough that he’d rather face a hundred of them every day than helplessly watch him get hit. He gulped and continued in a tone as soft as he could make it. “You know he’s wrong, don’t you? He’s just trying to get into your head. Don’t let him. Please, Steven.” He didn’t look at Derek once, though he was dying to do it. But Steven was looking at him and he needed to hold eye contact.

“Reid, what are you doing?!” Derek spat angrily at him.

Spencer ignored him and said instead, “Don’t let him get to you.”

Steven looked at the agent for a long while. He knew he was trying to save his co-worker and maybe something… more? He wasn’t sure yet. But there the agent was, pleading for someone else. He shook his head and took his hand off of the man’s shoulder where he was keeping him upright. He wasn’t laying off of him because the skinny agent told him to. He just didn’t want this to be over yet. There was one thing the doctor was right and that was that he wouldn’t let him get inside his head. He had a mission he couldn’t derail from.

Spencer saw the UnSub let Morgan go and he watched as his head rolled to the side almost as if Derek didn’t have the strength to control it. He needed to know how bad it was. He needed to know how badly he was hurt. He needed to touch him, know where it hurts. But drugged and tied up… he couldn’t do any of those things. He didn’t really think about it as the UnSub was almost out the door and Spencer practically begged, “Untie me, please.” He didn’t really control his tone this time and he was shocked at how worried he sounded. The UnSub turned back to look at him calculatingly and Spencer could see him solve an invisible puzzle. He saw the moment it all clicked in place, but he didn’t really care. Derek wasn’t even looking at him and he didn’t know if it was of the pain, or the weakness of his body or just because he was mad at him for talking down the UnSub.

“You love him, don’t you?” Steven asked like he already knew the answer. It was the worry in his voice that gave it away. It was the kind of worry his mother pointed at him every time he came from the basement, every time a new bruise on his body she hadn’t stopped appeared because they loved him. His parents loved him. And the doctor loves the other man too.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spencer tried to bluff though he knew there was no point. The thing was that Derek didn’t even respond to that, not even with a look, and that was worrisome.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I’ve seen the way you look at him.” He had. It was how his mother looked at his father. He never understood it, he had never felt it. It was the only thing he had never felt. That’s why he could recognize it.

Spencer looked at him, and looked at Derek next and couldn’t deny it. He really was unable to. “Yes. Yes. I love him.”

“Spencer-” Derek started, but the UnSub didn’t really care about what he had to say.

This was perfect really. Now he knew exactly how this was going to play out. He walked back into the room again and asked, his voice not revealing what he was about to do, “And you want me to untie you, huh?” He didn’t wait for him to answer. He walked to the agent he was closest and hit him in the stomach, taking pleasure as the man fought for breath. He knew how it was going to affect the other one, he knew how pliable it would make him.

“NO! Don’t!” Spencer yelled as Derek was trying to wheeze a breath in.

Steven stomped towards him, grabbed his hair and roughly pushed his head back so he could look him in the eye as he shouted, “You want me to untie you?!”

“No, no, no, it’s fine!” Spencer rushed to say, knowing the UnSub needed to be in control and he had stepped over that line. “Just don’t touch him!” He was about to say to hit him instead, but the UnSub’s reaction was instant. He pulled his hair even more making Spencer wince with the force of it.

“Is that so?” Steven almost whispered menacingly.  “Tell me, do you think you hold the power to make such demands?”

Spencer tried to shake his head, but the Unsub’s hold was too strong. “No, I don’t,” he whispered, his throat being in an uncomfortable angle to speak louder.

“What was that?” He asked pulling at his head again for good measure.

“No I don’t!” Reid said louder this time.

“Good.” He let go of him and took a step back. “Now that we understand each other,” He walked around him until he was standing behind him, and spoke quietly in his ear “I’m going to untie you. But if you try anything, and I mean anything, your partner is not getting out alive. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.” Reid gulped at the thought. He wouldn’t let it get that far. He didn’t know how, but he wouldn’t.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. More angst. But don't worry! Next chapter is also angsty, like a lot, so be prepared for what's coming. And then... the epilogue! 
> 
> I hoped you liked it!  
> -RC


	17. Chapter 17

They were running out of time. Hotch knew it and he couldn’t sit here reading over files again and again that had nothing left to show them. The UnSub wanted his father back. He had taken Reid and Morgan hoping that it will make him come back and they will finish the job together. The problem was that the father couldn’t go back to the son even if he wanted to, not that it seemed like he did. He couldn’t go because they wouldn’t let him. He was the only one that knew where Jameson was and they needed to make him talk. He thought that they could find something they could use against him but there was nothing. At least nothing pressing enough to make him talk. But maybe there was another way. Maybe Hotch should finish what Reid started.

He dropped the file on the table, muttering to himself, “this is pointless,” and stormed out of the room, ignoring the others’ confusion.

“Hotch?”

“Where are you going?”

He heard them, but he didn’t stop to explain. He knew they would see him go into the interview room where Frank Jameson was being held, and he knew that they would follow him. He didn’t waste any time. He leaned on the table, not even bothering to sit down, looked at the UnSub’s father with the permanent frown on his face and simply stated, leaving no room for argument, “Tell me where Steven is.”

Frank leaned back, bringing his arms together obviously trying to put between them as much distance as possible and answered in a cocky tone, “And why would I do that agent? Where is the other one? The pretty one?”

Hotch ignored him as if he never spoke and stated again, “Tell me where your son is.” This time Frank wasn’t going to get his way. No matter what Hotch had to do. His agents and friends and family were in danger and unfortunately the criminal in front of him was the key to finding them. He wouldn’t jeopardize the case, but he was done being nice. The time where Frank Jameson could ask for whatever popped in his head and cut a deal that could take hours to finalize was over. If he took some risks in the process, he was okay with that.

“Oh, I get it,” Frank nodded as if he really did. “I guess the black guy is busy having his way with him.”

He held himself back from reacting to that. Whatever they were doing or not was none of his business and Hotch wasn’t going to indulge him. “Tell me where your son is or I’ll charge you with assault of an FBI agent.”

“You wouldn’t. You know why?” Frank smirked as he leaned in closer to the imposing agent. “Because it didn’t happen!”

“Are you sure about that?” Hotch asked as if he knew something Frank didn’t. And he did. It was time for him to talk. He leaned back as he said, “turn off the cameras.” At the audible click confirming that the cameras had been turned off, he took off his jacket, then his tie, and lastly he pushed his sleeves up his arms and he tried to take as much time as he could afford while he did that. When he finished, he looked at him again, “Now tell me where Steven is.”

“How would I know?” Frank said skeptically. “I was in prison, remember?”

Hotch didn’t let him off at that. Instead he pushed him backwards, his chair balancing on two legs, only Hotch was stopping him from falling with his hold on him. “Tell me where Steven is or the charge is going up to assault causing actual bodily harm. Your choice.”

 

* * *

 

Spencer was finally free, but his body was still not fully co-operating. His hands were lying limply at his side, however he could feel them again. That was a good sign. He could move his arm. Not more than a millimeter, but it was something. At least his head was feeling better now. He could focus without much trouble. He could think without his head hurting, he could move it, without it feeling stiff. But he couldn’t move the rest of his body and he really needed to get to Derek. Like really needed to. “Oh my God, Derek, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m so sorry. I-” Derek wasn’t looking at him and Spencer was panicking. His face was bruising already and it looked like it hurt. There was a drop of blood on the corner of his lips that Spencer wished he could erase. He shouldn’t have let him grab the UnSub’s attention. He now knew of their relationship and he was going to use it to his advantage. He was going to use it to weaken the strongest link of the team while strengthening the weakest. Or at least that’s what the UnSub would think he was doing.

“Spencer stop.” Derek looked at him finally. Spencer’s mind was going a mile a minute and while usually that was a good thing, when he panicked, it tended to go to the worst case scenario than none of them had ever thought of. He never voiced it. But he thought about it, made it up in his head and tortured himself with the possibilities. Derek had to put a stop to that process before it went too far. “You did the right thing. We have profiled that he’s more lenient towards the weakest link of a team and right now he thinks that’s you.”

“But I sh-” Reid tried to protest, but Derek didn’t let him. He had a plan and he needed Spencer’s help for it to be successful.

“ _Listen_ to me, Pretty Boy.” Something warm and satisfactory went through him when Reid didn’t flinch at the nickname, unlike the last time. But now was not the time for them. It was time to get out of here. And when they did that… “You’ve got to get us out of here. Untie me.”

Spencer’s eyes widened at that. “What?! No!” Who knows what the UnSub would do if he found out? He could kill them! He could kill Derek! He could torture them! There were so many things he could do and Reid liked none of the scenarios. “He might be watching us! I am not going to risk that.”

Derek raised an eyebrow at him and pointed out, “Well, I’m no use to us tied up, am I?”

Spencer could see his point, but still. That would be too risky. Neither of them would like the consequences. And Spencer… Spencer was afraid of what was about to come. Maybe if they played his game they’d get more information regarding his cause and that could help them plan a certain escape. But this? Nothing was certain about this. “No. I’m not putting your life on the line. They’re going to find us. They will.”

“Spence-” Derek tried to reason with him, but he wasn’t having it.

“No, you don’t get it,” Reid snapped at him angrily, and just like that he deflated, his shoulders were slumped as if he was giving into something he’s been fighting a long time. “I- I can’t. I can’t live without you.” His voice didn’t break. He stated a simple fact. Spencer was determined now and nobody, not even Derek could change that.  “I won’t.”

Derek knew what he meant.  It was what he was trying to accomplish here in any way he could. But he wasn’t trying to protect himself. He was trying to protect Spencer. If Spencer got out of here alive… well, then that was all he could ask for. So he understood that Spencer was asking for the same thing about Derek. “Alright. Okay. Then we find another way.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” A comfortable silence settled then around them, both of the agents deep in thought trying to find a way to overthrow the UnSub. The thing is Derek couldn’t move; the drug in his system wasn’t going to let him any time soon. But he saw Spencer could move, even barely and maybe in a few hours considering his body mass and how his body had a certain tolerance to the drugs after dilaudid… Well, that might be something they could use to their advantage. But he needed to convince Spencer he could do it first.

“I’ve got an idea.”

 

* * *

 

Hotch knew his agents had less than two days left and they needed to find them as soon as possible. He hated that the person in front of him was the one holding all the answers , but he was going to find out what he needed to. He was. “We know he sent you letters almost daily, letters you later burned the evidence of.” He was still holding Jameson’s chair on two legs as he said, “You have three seconds to talk. One.”

“I don’t know!”

That wasn’t good enough. He let the chair fall a little backwards and kept counting. “Two.”

“I don’t know, I swear!”

Not what he was looking for either. “Thr-” Before he could let go of him, Frank grabbed at his wrists to hold on and yelled “Fine! Fine! I’ll tell you!”

“Where.”

 

* * *

 

It’s been hours since the UnSub left them alone. Spencer could now move almost freely Derek had regained the feeling of his limbs, but he could barely move them. The effects of the drug were wearing off and the UnSub probably knew that, which meant that he was going to show up any minute now with the next dosage. He’d probably go first for Derek, since he posed a threat he couldn’t risk. At that moment, Derek’s plan was meant to be set in motion and Spencer didn’t think he was ready for that.

“Once he gets in you do as I say. Nothing more, nothing less. Got it?” Derek reminded him. He had relayed his plan again and again to convince him and other than the fact that Spencer was meant to be on the offense, it was a good plan.  

“I don’t like violence,” Spencer reminded him.

Derek shook his head at him. “You’ve got to fight, Spencer.” It was their only chance to get out of here. Spencer could move and Derek was able to take the UnSub down with his weight. He thought he was. Either way, they wouldn’t find a moment like this again and they had less that two days till the UnSub got rid of them. They had to do this.

 

* * *

 

“Garcia, tell us what you found,” Hotch ordered. They were already in the SUV going where Frank Jameson told them to, meanwhile they had asked Garcia to make sure it was the right information.

“Okay, the address he gave us isn’t bogus, but the person who owns it is. That person exists only in papers. I mean, I’ve tried the social media, using every single search engine I know of, but there’s nothing, not a hint of them. However, the good thing is that I found the car that took my babies from the precinct’s cameras and the same bogus person is listed as the owner, so I think you’re headed to the right direction.”

“Thanks, Garcia,” Rossi replied.

“Just bring them back safe.”

There was nothing to say after that. They couldn’t make such promises as much as they wished they could. They all knew the risks of this job. They had all been through it at least once.

Past experiences didn’t matter though. Catching the UnSub did.

 

* * *

 

“You know I can’t fight. I’m not coordinated enough for that.”

Spencer was stubborn, he could give him that. But he had been stubborn at the times they trained together, trying to teach Spencer basic moves that could help him in the long run. Once he let go, he had actually been good. “That’s not true. Fighting is science, Spencer. And you’re damn good at science.” Maybe translating it in a language he understood would help.

Spencer looked at him incredulously, “What? No it’s not!”

“All you need is the right angle and the right amount of force. Am I wrong?”

Spencer shook his head. It wasn’t that simple.  “I don’t have all the factors and we cannot risk a miscalculation.”

Derek was now getting frustrated. At every turn there was an excuse for Spencer that was holding him back and they didn’t have time for excuses. They barely had time for action as it was, but they needed to try. “Isn’t your life worth the risk?” When Reid stayed silent, as if the answer didn’t matter, as if his life didn’t matter, Derek couldn’t keep his frustration in any longer. “Damn it, Pretty Boy! We’re stuck here, while the UnSub’s out there trying to find the most satisfying way to kill us, and you’re talking about risk? Isn’t your life worth the try?!” Spencer was silent once again, but it wasn’t just that. He was… he was thinking about something. “You’re calculating the risk, aren’t you?” Derek asked knowingly.

“Fine,” Spencer sighed. “Tell me what to do.”

 

* * *

 

They were there. They found Steven Jameson’s house. It wasn’t big. But it had two doors one could use to get in. They had to split and cover the grounds. Rossi and Alex went to the back door with two other police officers while Hotch and JJ took the front with the others. On the count of three they broke in as quietly as possible.

 

* * *

 

Once Derek did, he asked him one last time, “Are you ready, Pretty Boy?”

Spencer smirked, because he wasn’t really ready, but he was ready to stay alive and fix things with Derek and he was ready to be happy again, because one thing he learned about being captured with the other agent was that he loved him. He loved him enough to forgive him and hold onto and he loved him enough to want him back, to want to try again. So maybe, once they got out of here they could try. “Let’s do this ‘cause I’ve got a date I don’t want to be late for.”

That was not the answer he expected. Derek felt his jaw drop, but he didn’t have time to answer, because just then, the UnSub walked in with a syringe in his hand.

It was time for action.

“I see you listened to me”, Steven told Spencer. “I’m glad.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” Spencer said. He didn’t want to antagonize him, because then he would turn to him first and that wasn’t part of the plan. He was already having a hard time pretending he couldn’t move, because the UnSub didn’t know his medical history and even if he did, he doubted he would have come to the conclusion that Spencer’s body digested the drugs faster than others. That was their advantage.

Steven turned his back on the agent to give the dosage to the bigger man, “We all have a choice Dr. Reid.”

“Yes, we do.”

Something in his tone made Steven freeze, but he didn’t have time to act on it because next thing he knew, he was lying on the floor, his vision blurry, and the back of his head was hurting like something had hit him. And as his vision cleared, he found out that something had because Dr. Reid was standing about him with a chair in his hands. He didn’t get to react, again, because the other agent was throwing himself at him, and damn it, he was heavy. He tried to fight him off, but he wouldn’t move.

“Just stay down, damn it!” Derek said. The UnSub was thrashing under him and he couldn’t hold him for long because the drug was not out of his system yet and he was basically using his weight to subdue him. It wouldn’t be long until the UnSub found a way to reverse that.

The door burst open with a shout of “FBI!” And suddenly several guns were pointed at Morgan and the UnSub. Once they took in the scene in front of them Hotch said, “Get back, Morgan.”

Derek had never been more relieved to let go of an UnSub. He knew his team would take care of everything now. Instead, he tried to crawl to Spencer whose legs had given out once their team arrived and he was currently sitting against the wall breathing deeply in relief and probably gratefulness that they actually made it.

Once Morgan got off of him, Steven tried to move. He had a knife on him. If only he could get it in time… But before he could move much the BAU’s supervisor was onto him, “don’t even think about it.”

JJ got her handcuffs out and while Hotch, Rossi and Alex had their gun trained on Jameson she put his hands behind his back and restrained him. And if the handcuffs were a little too tight, well… nobody said anything.

 

* * *

 

When they got back to the BAU, Garcia welcomed them with opened arms and threats to never scare her like that again. Rossi offered his house for a family dinner tomorrow night fully aware of the team’s need to make sure everyone was still there, still alive.

Everybody showed up and surprisingly it wasn’t awkward. Spencer filled Alex in on what had happened with him and Derek and it didn’t hurt that much now. They managed to co-exist with many stolen glances between them. Reid got tired pretty soon, but before he left, he left a note in Derek’s jacket.

_So, how about that date Friday night?_

He didn’t see Derek’s face when he read the note, but judging from the text he received a couple of hours later….

_You’re on, Pretty Boy._

Yeah, they were going to be alright.

 

* * *

 

Steven Jameson saw his father, but he wasn’t the man he remembered. He wasn’t the man he knew. He was cold and indifferent. When he asked him if they were family, he said “I don’t have a family anymore.” He didn’t know what had happened to him in prison. He had no idea what changed, but it didn’t matter, because he was alone. He had tried to help all these people to get his father back and all that happened in the end was losing him altogether. Somehow, nothing seemed to have meaning for him anymore. Not the past, not the present and certainly not the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... The case is over. Derek and Spencer are back in one piece and something's telling me they're going to be fine.
> 
> Just the epilogue left! I can't believe this is almost finished. It seemed endless at some point. But as all stories, it needs to come to an end. Which will be very soon....
> 
> -RC


	18. Yes, They Can Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, they can start again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello eveyone! 
> 
> So, the truth is, I've had this finished for a while. But I was hesitating to post it. For some reason, I didn't want this story to end. There were times when I was like 'why isn't it over yet?'. But lately, it's been exactly the opposite, 'how can it be over already?'  
> But it is over, and I don't want to keep you waiting anymore. Just remember fluff isn't my stongest suit, but I think I did it justice. I hope you like it as well.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was a week until their date. Spencer thought they both needed time away from each other to heal, to get over the harsh words that had been said between them, to reconsider what they really wanted from life. He wanted for both of them to be on the same page. Everybody knew what they had and everybody was going to know about if they were going to get back together. There would be no secrets between them this time. They were going into this wanting the same things, and in case they didn’t, then they had to let the other know. But Spencer didn’t want anything different than before. He wanted to spend the rest of his days with Derek, as many as he would have him for. He wanted privacy, no secrecy now that his insecurities were out of the way. He just wanted to be happy again.

They texted each other all throughout the week it took for their date to come. They got to know one another once again with no walls between them. If Spencer was honest with himself, it made him feel… giddy.

Friday night came way too fast, but at the same time not fast enough. Derek picked up Spencer from his place and they went together to a restaurant that Spencer had made reservations for them. It started out as awkward because Spencer, he didn’t know what to do. Even before everything. they didn’t go out that much on dates. But seeing Derek smile at him like this was the only place he’d ever wanted to be… Well, let’s just say that things were anything but awkward after that.

They had just finished their meal and they were talking with each other sharing a bottle of wine when Derek said, “Okay, let’s play a game.”

Spencer laughed at the other man’s excitement. “What?”

Derek looked at him mischievously, which meant that whatever he was about to say would either be absolutely fun or leave Spencer very confused. “Have you ever played Never Have I Ever?”

And yes, Spencer was confused which must have shown on his face because Derek elaborated, “you know the game we used to play in high school?”

“I was fourteen in high school,” Spencer said, not wanting to mention that he didn’t even have any friends to begin with.

Derek looked shocked as if Spencer had committed a crime. Spencer knew he was being dramatic and he couldn’t help but laugh at his expression. “You mean you never played any of the high school games?! Oh, we’re so changing that, pretty boy. But first things first, Never Have I Ever! You’ll like it! I promise.”

Once Derek explained the game rules and little protests from Spencer “We can’t get drunk! How are we going to drive home?” and Derek settling on “Just a little sip, pretty boy!” Derek started the game.

“Okay, let’s start with something easy. Never have I ever skipped school.” Derek was surprised to see he was the only one who took a sip. He knew that Spencer was a genius and he was one of the few that actually enjoyed learning, but… “Come on, not even once?!”

Spencer shrugged, “I had no reason to.”

Derek shook his head at him, chuckling, “Okay, your turn.”

“Never have I ever fallen asleep during a movie,” Spencer said, delighted when Derek drank a bit of wine while protesting, “Come on! That was one time! One time!” Spencer laughed at his antics. God, he loved that man.

“Okay, okay,” Derek said, narrowing his eyes at him playfully, “If that’s how you wanna play it. Never have I ever sung in the shower.”

Spencer took a tentative sip at that, willing his blush away. He didn’t know Derek had heard him. He looked at him in the eye then, trying to keep the smile from showing, “Never have I ever given a lap dance to a complete stranger.”

“Okay, that was a dare and I knew I never should have told you.”

Spencer giggled at his pouty face. Yes, not kidding, actually giggled. Maybe he should take it easy with the wine, but judging Derek’s look, that wasn’t going to happen.

“Never have I ever gone skinny dipping,” Derek smirked at him when he saw the blush on the young man’s face. That had definitely been an unforgettable night.

“Derek!” Spencer hissed at him, looking around in case someone heard. He took a sip and said, “You promised to never speak of that night again!”

Derek laughed, “Oh, you’re wrong, pretty boy. You promised. I never agreed!” he had his hands up in defense, taking great pleasure in teasing Spencer.

“I was drunk for the first time,” Spencer grunted. But he couldn’t keep up the angry façade for long, because if Derek wanted embarrassing stuff, well, two could play that game. He took another sip for liquid courage, and then he said, “Never have I ever been in handcuffs.”

Derek laughed, “Okay, now your mind’s just in the gutter.” He took a generous sip of wine and added with a wink, “and I didn’t see you hesitate to put them on me.”

 Spencer looked at his glass, but the smile was obvious in his face as he said, “How could I?”

And now Derek knew what he had to say next. “Never have I ever had so much fun on a date before.”

Spencer’s eyes snapped at him surprised at the honesty and fondness in his voice. He watched as neither of them drank whine and once again he was captivated by the enigma that was Derek Morgan. What he felt when he was with him, it couldn’t compare with anything he’s ever felt before and he wanted Derek to know that. “Never have I ever loved someone like this.”

Derek’s heart skipped a beat at the confession. Spencer loved him. He had said so before, but he didn’t know after everything how much of that had changed. He was thankful not much did. If anything, everything was better. Derek was here to stay and he wouldn’t have it any other way. “Never have I ever been more sure of anything in my life.” He saw Spencer’s shoulders relax and he hated what that implied, that Spencer hadn’t been sure if this was real or not, if this was it or some fling. Derek vowed to himself to show him he was it every single day.

 

* * *

 

They have been together for a little more than a week now. Their first date had ended with Derek leaving Spencer on his doorstep with a kiss on his cheek and a whispered goodnight. They haven’t gone further than this. They hug, and share comfort touches but nothing else happens. Spencer remembered before when they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. Once glance at Derek’s lips and he could barely hold back. The same went for Derek as well. But now… it was different. And Spencer didn’t know why. But there had been no touches of the sexual variety and sometimes that worried him. Because maybe they loved each other, but maybe Derek wasn’t attracted to him anymore. Maybe he was content with what they had and didn’t want something more or maybe there was some other reason he couldn’t think of during his anxiety. Whatever it was, it was bugging him.

Today was their last day off. Tomorrow was Monday and it was time for them to return to the office and solving gruesome cases, trying to get justice for the victims and their families. So, Spencer wanted something different for today. He figured it was their chance to talk before a case took over their lives since they were currently sitting on Derek’s couch, Spencer supposedly reading a book while Derek watched TV.

“Derek, can I ask you something?” he almost mumbled.

Derek didn’t take his eyes off the screen as he replied, “Sure, Pretty Boy.”

Spencer bit his lip, contemplating if he should really go for it. He was silent for a few minutes which made Derek turn the TV off and look at him. The concern he saw there took him by surprise, and he remembered Derek telling him, _you can tell me anything Spencer,_ and Spencer figured he could. “You haven’t kissed me yet. You haven’t even tried. Why?”

Derek froze at this like a deer caught in the headlights. So there was a story behind this. However he didn’t reply immediately. “Do you want me to?”

Spencer blushed and kept his eyes away from the other man, “Uh, yes? I mean, only if you want to, I wouldn’t force you to-” suddenly his hands were being held and a soft ‘Spencer’ sounding in his ear made him stop. Derek was much closer than he was before. Their bodies were touching as they were sitting almost side by side on the couch and the anticipation was killing him.

“Spencer, look at me,” Derek asked softly. When he did, he went on, “It’s okay. I wanna kiss you. God knows how much I do, but I didn’t know if you wanted the same.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Spencer asked confused.

“I don’t know. But we haven’t talked about that night and I didn’t want to risk it,” Derek shook his head, trying to get across the fear he felt at the thought of losing Spencer because of his mistake.

Spencer saw what was going on inside those brown eyes, and he didn’t like it. “Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself. George Orwell said ‘If you want to keep a secret, you must hide it from yourself.’ One thing that night taught me was that I don’t want to hide anymore. I shouldn’t have made us hide who we are, what we have, because this,” Spencer took a break knowing the weight of what he was about to reveal, “this is the most important thing in my life. I don’t want to hide from myself any longer, Derek,” Spencer finished softly.

“Neither do I.” He couldn’t stop himself. He hugged him harder than any other time before. He needed to feel Spencer, feel his body against him, help himself realize how real he and _they_ are.

He didn’t know how long they were like that, but now they were lying on the couch, Derek on top of Spencer when the young man spoke up, “You know what?”

Derek leaned back a little to be able to look at him, “What Pretty Boy?”

Spencer looked at him and he loved what he was seeing. He loved how comfortable they are with each other, how open, how they are the same but still different than before. He loved everything about this and he felt like, “I don’t wish that any of _that_ never happened, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Derek asked confused. He remembered how he had told him almost two week ago that he wished he could do this all over again. At that time he meant that he wished he could turn back the time and do things differently. Do something that night before it went to hell. Now, he didn’t know. Because if he did that, it wouldn’t lead him where he was right now.

“I mean when we were separated,” Spencer elaborated, “I wished a quadrillion times that Friday night never happened. I don’t wish that anymore.”

“Yeah,” Derek said, “I know. Me neither.” He felt the exact same way. “I mean, getting kidnapped again by a psycho, I could live without…”

Spencer punched him on the shoulder and laughed, though he couldn’t help but agree with him.

Derek loved it when Spencer laughed. He loved how he threw his head back, how there was a smile so wide on his face that all of his teeth were showing. He also loved the aftermath. How Spencer would calm down and look at him like he was looking at him right now, with a soft smile gracing his lips. He couldn’t hold back anymore. He didn’t want to. So, he leaned in slowly, making it clear to the other man what he was going for, but Spencer didn’t pull away. When their lips touched, there was a silent gasp and he didn’t know if it was by him or Spencer. He didn’t care. He never thought anything could feel better than what he had with Spencer before, but he was wrong. Oh, he was so wrong. This kiss just took his breath away. Spencer took his breath away.

 He wished it could last for longer, but they had to come up for air. Spencer needed to breathe. He kept their faces inches apart and he said, like Derek had said that first time, “Thank God. I thought I was the only one.”

“You don’t believe in God.”

“Hey!” Spencer swatted his arm with no force at all while Derek was busy laughing at his reaction, “That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”

“I know, I know,” Derek said once he calmed down. Of course he knew. Of course he remembered the night he whole world was tilted on its axis by one Spencer Reid. How could he ever forget? “Here, let’s try this again.”

Was it possible for this kiss to be better than the last one? Apparently, yes. Yes, it was. If that was how things were going to be he never wanted them to end. He never wanted to stop. He was pleased to see Derek was feeling the same way, judging by the look in his eyes. This time when Spencer said, “Thank God, I thought I was the only one,” Derek replied, “You’re not. You never will be.”

 

* * *

 

When all was said and done, when their bodies got reacquainted with each other just like their minds had, when they were holding each other close on a bed that both hoped they could call theirs one day, Spencer interrupted their silence. “You know, I was planning a three-day weekend for us before… before everything.”

Derek tightened his arms around the other man. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. We were going to go to Chicago, meet your mom, be alone for a while. I think we should do that.”

Derek turned Spencer in his arms to look at him, his heart ready to burst as he took in what Spencer meant. He wanted to meet his family, not as Dr. Spencer Reid, but as Spencer, the man who had stolen his heart and was never giving it back, and Derek wouldn’t have it any other way. “You’d really do that for me?”

“I’d do anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there are enough words to thank everyone who has read this story, who has pressed the kudos button, or who has commented and bookmarked it. Regardless, I will try.
> 
> So, thank you everyone who has read this story, who has waited days for an update, who has been here with me for this journey. Thank you everyone who shared your opinion and helped me at the times I thought I couldn't write anymore. I know that you cannot see my reaction to your comments, but believe me it's at least a megawatt smile if not awe. 
> 
> Thank you for supporting me! I hope you liked this story as much as I liked writing it! 
> 
> Come and say hi on [tumblr](http://puddingwillbeouralways.tumblr.com/) . I'll be happy to hear from you.
> 
> -RC

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Leave a comment or 'Kudos' (I'm still getting used to saying that one) if you liked it. Constructive critisism is always welcome.  
> \- RC.
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](http://puddingwillbeouralways.tumblr.com/)


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